


CreepyPasta Children OneShots

by BubblyShip



Series: CreepyPasta x Undertale [4]
Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Children, F/F, F/M, M/M, OC children - Freeform, oneshots, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 34
Words: 46,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24807295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubblyShip/pseuds/BubblyShip
Summary: (This is an one shot book based off of the CreepyPasta×UnderTale crossover series I have made. If you haven't read that, these oneshots won't make any sense since they are based off of the events and ships from those stories. I would advise you read that first!)This book is a collection of oneshots about the CreepyPasta children and funny scenerios they have as children of serial killers and a punky skeleton. This isn't a direct sequel or prequel to my series, it's just a spin off book where the children are introduced and do funny things while Sans has to take care of them.
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Everyone
Series: CreepyPasta x Undertale [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649944
Comments: 47
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**I'm going to start off by saying that this story and it's oneshots will make no sense if you haven't read the Undertale and CreepyPasta stories I have written! These one shots are based off of the ships and events that have occured in those books, and thus if you haven't read them, this story won't make any sense!**

**All of the children have been designed by me and therefore you should give me credit if you draw or write them! Fanart is totally accepted, make sure to tag me by saying @BubblyShip to make sure I can see it! And if you use any of them in a book for whatever reason, tag me and give me credit! (For Wattpad). I also have a tumblr so if you want to make fanart that way that'd be awesome!**

**And finally, this is related to CreepyPasta so there will be graphic descriptions of blood, gore, death, organs, cannibalism, and stuff like that. There also will be sexual jokes mentioned, sexual suggestions, but no smut/lemon/sexual intercourse in the story because I refuse to write that.**

**Deal with it.**

**Keep in mind that these are children of serial killers and insane people, so they probably will be involved in murder quite often. Also keep in mind that I'm a pretty decent writer so I can write these murder scenes pretty decent, and if I feel like it, it can get very graphic (like how SeedEater just ate an entire person in front of Sans, poor guy) if I want it to. I don't think it'll get too graphic, since this is mostly humor based, but I'm still applying that warning.**

**Dark humor is the final warning. They're serial killers, what did you expect?**


	2. The Hot Motorcycle Girl

**Okay so basically**

**Thank you all so much for supporting while I write this, I've been having so much fun! I doubt I would have continued without you guys, so thank you for the support!**

**And as a thanks, I wrote this short oneshot where Sans and Jane had started dating in an au where Papyrus and the others didn't abandon Sans. So enjoy!**

**Really I just thought this would be a cute oneshot and I wrote it, so I'm sharing it. Pretty much the situation XD**

**《》《》《》**

**The Hot Motorcycle Girl**

They didn't expect his girlfriend to look like... that.

After they had arrived on the surface, Sans mentioned that he met someone. A girl he met at a shop, that was it. They all brushed it off as a mutual friend, Sans had told them it was at a comic book store. Sans usually wasn't the one for romance, he never really tried to hit on girls.

Sans mentioned hanging out with her a few occasions, but at the weirdest of times. When it was dark and Papyrus was preparing for bed was usually when these random meetings occurred. A bit odd, but Sans had told him it was for poker games. The usual.

But when Sans announced that he and this girl started dating, Papyrus wasn't going to overlook that. As if! Sans was a lazy bones that hung out with this girl at weird times, and Papyrus never met her! What if she was forcing Sans, or hurting him? What if she was a terrible person? Papyrus was worried for his brother, he had never dated anyone before. Sans might not understand relationships.

That's why he started monitoring their dates. He didn't follow them, he wouldn't be that nosy. No, instead he observed everything that Sans told him about their relationship. He didn't talk about her that much, it seemed, it would just be brief mentions about how the date went. And they went at odd times for dates, too, when the sun was already set and everyone else was asleep. Papyrus didn't like that, not with the mentions of stabbings floating about.

When Sans did talk about her, he talked about how she acted, not what she looked like. How she had laughed so hard at one of his jokes that milk came out of her nose, or how she tripped on the sidewalk once and smashed a taco she had bought. Sans had went back and bought her twenty more to make up for the taco.

She sounded like a person meant for Sans. A silly, obnoxious girl that was a nerd. Don't get him wrong, there was nothing wrong with being like that, but it seemed like the only personality type that would go with Sans. Sans didn't really like jocks, he didn't care how much money or how hot someone looked. He was a personality person, so he would need someone who matched his own to consider them for romance. Papyrus had always assumed Sans was asexual anyway, so the 'looks don't affect him' made sense to him.

But then, Sans' girlfriend came over.

Papyrus didn't even realize it was Sans' girlfriend at first. When he opened the door, he assumed she was lost. Sure, the skeleton was more interested in men like Mettaton, but Papyrus could tell when a female was considered 'hot'.

And wowie, she was!

Not enough to make him turn straight, but enough to make his jaw drop to the floor. Literally. He had to bend down and pick it up, apologizing to the female. The very, very attractive female.

She was a curvy female, with large breasts hanging from her chest and a round bottom that went with her black dress. Thick black hair tumbled down her head, and sunglasses were pressed against her white skinned face. Black leather boots hugged her legs, and a black leather jacket was hung loosely over her shoulders. Not only was she hot, but she was the 'biker gang' type of hot. The type of girl that wouldn't bother with anyone, who slept with a different man every night. Papyrus could even see an expensive looking motorcycle with a slick black design parked in front of their house, too, with two black helmets perched on it.

"U-UH, HELLO!" Papyrus stuttered on his words, "MAY I ASK WHY... WHY YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ARE AT THIS HOUSE?"

"Who's t-there?" Alphys asked.

"May I come in?" The female asked bluntly.

"S-SURE!" Papyrus said quickly, opening the door wider.

It was apparent when Papyrus' friends noticed her. Alphys let out a squeak, and Undyne dropped her spoon into her bowl. Toriel started coughing into her hand as she averted her eyes. She probably didn't like this females outfit, since what this girl was wearing was rather revealing.

"O-Oh," Alphys muttered.

At that point Sans had returned from his room, phone in hand. He paused halfway down the stairs when he saw the female.

"Oh, hey Jane."

Jane. _This_ was Jane?

"Hey, Sans," And for the first time, Papyrus saw her smile.

It wasn't a small smile, either. It was a full blown, black lip tugging smile that made her look like she actually had emotions. Her stance remained confident, but she looked generally happy.

"That's Jane?" Undyne yelled, "Are you _kidding_ me?"

"Yeah, that's my girlfriend," Sans said, finishing his descent down the stairs. "Ready to go for our date?"

"Yeah, I can't wait," Jane said to him.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Jane wrapped her arm around his shoulders and turned towards the rest of them. Sans seemed unfazed by her looks or actions, just sitting there with his usual smile as if he wasn't dating a model.

"I'll have him home by six," Jane said.

"Cool," Sans said, "Well, bye Paps. See you later."

No one could react as Jane escorted Sans out of the house, closing the door behind them as they didn't seem to notice the wide eyed monsters. When the door closed, they all rushed to the windows to see Jane climbing onto her motorcycle on the street and Sans climbing on behind her, both of them wearing helmets as he hugged around her waist. Like it was completely normal.

And just like that, they drove off together.

"Okay, how the f*ck did he get with _her_?" Undyne yelled.


	3. One Yandere, Two Yandere

It had been at a cheesecake store when they stumbled into the man. Alphys had wanted to get some cheesecake, it was her favorite type of food. In the store they had met the brown haired human named Tim, who seemed to form an immediate connection with Sans. They started chatting with one another because Tim had asked to borrow a napkin from Sans, and Sans ended up enjoying his company so much that he invited Tim to hang out with them for a bit.

Tim and Sans just seemed to click. Of course, the others became friends with him, but none of them seemed to be able to connect as closely as Sans and Tim did. The two bounced off of one another so well, everyone could see the connection. The two even ended up exchanging phone numbers, and thus a friendship was created.

Papyrus was proud that his brother was making new friends on the surface, especially with a human. Tim started to appear in their day to day life, happening to stumble upon them in town or being invited over, sometimes even inviting Sans over to his house. It wasn't long before Tim started appearing more and more until it was almost a daily occurrence.

But with the increasing presence of Tim, something else came of it.

Things started to get misplaced. Pictures Papyrus had around the house started to go missing suddenly, some objects randomly moving around. Sans commented how he lost a couple pairs of his clothes and couldn't seem to find it, and swore to Papyrus that his window in his room seemed to keep opening. Everything that seemed to disappear happened to be related to Sans, including doors and windows. Papyrus would go to wake up Sans to find both his bedroom door and window open, even though Papyrus knew Sans has closed them the previous night.

Then, the schedule inconsistencies started happening. Tim started dragging Sans away from his friends and family, inviting him out constantly. Not only that, but Sans himself would get busier, going out more to do things. He also seemed to go onto his phone more, always typing in stuff and giggling. When Papyrus would ask, Sans would just insist it was nothing big.

But it only got worse.

Alphys stuttered out about how she had been followed home one night, Undyne confirming it. Dead bodies started to be found, one of them having been a human girl that seemed to have been interested in Sans. Sans even left to go comfort Tim after one of his co workers died, then ended up staying the night, calling Papyrus to explain that Tim _needed_ him there.

That's why Papyrus didn't trust Tim. Everything started happening after Sans had met Tim, and Tim dragged Sans away from them. Sans would leave at least once a day, telling them that he was going to hang out with Tim. Papyrus once called Tim, demanding that he not hang out so much with his brother, but Tim defended himself by saying he hadn't seen Sans all day. And that night, Papyrus found a dead rabbit outside of his own bedroom window. Tim was behind it. Papyrus knew it.

That's why he was doing this. Standing in the doorway of his front door, arms crossed. The human in front of him didn't look very happy, a scowl on his face.

"Why can't I see Sans?" Tim demanded.

"BECAUSE," Papyrus said, narrowing his eye sockets. "SANS DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU."

"He texted me ten minutes ago, he's the one who wanted to go out to the movies," Tim said, "Why would Sans suddenly go against our date?"

"DATE?" Papyrus said, "SORRY TIM, BUT IT'S NOT HAPPENING. YOU AND SANS WILL NOT BE SEEING EACH OTHER."

"You can't do this, you aren't Sans' Dad, you're his younger brother," Tim insisted, "He's a full grown man, you can't stop us from going on a date together."

"YES I CAN! I AM NOW, ACTUALLY."

"Hey, Paps, what's going on?" Sans asked.

"SANS, YOU AND TIM'S DATE IS CANCELED!" Papyrus exclaimed.

"Uh, he's right there. I don't think he'd drive over here on the time he was going to pick me up just to cancel the date," Sans said, pointing at Tim.

"TIM AND YOU ARE NO LONGER SEEING ONE ANOTHER! WELL, YOU WEREN'T DATING HIM YET!" Papyrus tapped a finger on his chin. "YOU GUYS WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED TO GO ON A DATE. HM, THAT SOUNDS BETTER!"

"Paps, is this really about the dead animal?" Sans asked, "You don't know if it was Tim or not, and just because I misplaced a few pairs of underwear doesn't mean that Tim has stolen them."

"EVEN IF HE DIDN'T TAKE THEM, HE'S BEEN TAKING UP ALL OF YOUR TIME!" Papyrus said.

"You're going to regret this," Tim muttered, eyeing Papyrus carefully.

"THERE! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE A DANGER TO THIS ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD!" Papyrus said, pointing at Tim. "YOU AREN'T WELCOME HERE ANYMORE."

"Dude, it's my life, I can choose who I do and don't go out with," Sans said.

"NYEH HEH HEH, NOT IN THIS SITUATION," Papyrus said, grabbing Sans' arm and dragging him a few feet from the door. "NOT WHEN TIM IS A DANGER TO THIS HOUSE! UNDYNE AGREED WITH ME THAT HE'S SUSPICIOUS!"

"Suspicious doesn't mean he's a bad person, just that you are being paranoid," Sans said, trying to wiggle his arm out of his brothers, but failing. "Okay, seriously, you're being a bit childish, bro."

Papyrus closed the front door on Tim's face before he dragged Sans away, saying, "IF YOU WOULDN'T IGNORE THE SIGNS TO THIS, YOU WOULD SEE THIS IS AN OBVIOUS YANDERE MAN WHO IS OBSESSED WITH YOU AND RUINING YOUR LIFE!"

"Bro, let go of me, now," Sans said, pulling more on his arm.

"NO, SANS, WE'RE ALL WORRIED ABOUT YOU!" Papyrus said, pulling Sans into his room. "YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING OUR CALLS BECAUSE YOU'RE WITH TIM, YOU SKIPPED GOING TO WORK LAST WEEK BECAUSE OF HIM! HE'S DISTRACTING YOU FROM YOUR LIFE AND OTHER FRIENDS, EVEN YOUR OWN BROTHER!"

"No he's not!" Sans objected, "I could have answered if I wanted to, I just didn't! And it was my choice to skip work, I don't even like that job! I really like Tim, Papyrus, and you're kinda acting like a controlling a*s right now!"

Papyrus looked at Sans. "IT'S NOT JUST ME! UNDYNE-"

"Undyne whatever! It's my life, not yours, and I want to live it with Tim! If it makes you feel better, I'll start texting you guys more and stuff, I just end up having a lot of fun with him to where I don't notice. But you can't say who I can and cannot date just because you don't like him, it doesn't work like that. I could understand you wanting to spend more time with me, but going as far as to blame him for the animal and call him a Yandere? Seriously?"

Papyrus sighed. He was worried about Sans, they all were. Tim seemed nice at first, but the obsession with Sans was being taken too far at this point. It was okay to have a date with someone, but not when they were probably crazy.

"We can talk about it tomorrow, it's late," Papyrus said, "It was too late to go on a date anyway. We can bring everyone else over and talk about Tim, alright?"

Sans sighed. "Fine, yeah."

~~~~~~

There was a gun pressed against his head.

Papyrus hadn't expected to wake up like this. With the cold barrel of the gun taunting him, daring him to move. The tall skeleton had barely had the chance to sit up before he was held at gunpoint.

A white masked stared back at him, the face drawn in black on it unmoving. The silence was unbearable, the darkness seeming to close in from the corners of the room.

"Don't move."

The voice was low and husky, it was Tim's. Now that he looked more closely, he could see the brown eyes in the eye holes of the mask, and messy brown hair ruffled up from the head.

"TIM?" Papyrus said, "I- I SAID YOU WEREN'T WELCOME HERE ANYMORE!"

"That's why I'm here," His whispered, tapping the gun against the skull. "I don't like the idea of Sans and myself being separated."

"YOU'RE AN ACTUAL YANDERE!" Papyrus yelled, "YOU'RE CRAZY!"

"Crazy for Sans." Papyrus could hear the smile from Tim as the human continued. "Don't you see? I _love_ him!"

"Paps, why are you yelling this late-"

The two on the bed froze when the lights flicked on, turning to see Sans standing in the doorway with his finger still on the light switch.

"Uh..." Sans said.

"SANS, TIM IS CRAZY! HE TRIED TO SHOOT ME!" Papyrus yelled.

"Sans, I can explain," Tim said, climbing off of the bed to start and approach Sans.

Papyrus managed to back onto the bed a few feet as Tim approached Sans more, talking to him.

"Don't you see? We can be together, forever! Papyrus was trying to get in the way of our love, but once I get rid of him, we can have that family you've always wanted. We can be together, and sure, we'll have to hide the dust, but it won't be as difficult as that girls body."

"So you killed Sarah?" Sans asked, looking surprised.

"All for you," Tim laughed, "Let's run away together, I can protect you from people like her."

"RUN, SANS!" Papyrus yelled.

Instead, Sans did something else. Something his brother did not expect.

He laughed.

Sans hunched over and giggled into his hands, looking at Tim with a wide grin. Tim didn't seem to expect this either, stopping in his tracks.

"Dude... that's so..." Sans said between giggles, giggling even more. "Holy crap..."

Reaching into his pocket, Sans pulled out a bloody and dust covered knife. Papyrus gasped and covered his teeth from the sight while Sans simply continued laughing into his hand as he dropped it to the floor.

"I just came back from killing Undyne because Papyrus told me she was the one who said that we shouldn't be together!" Sans wheezed, grinning at Tim further. "I can't believe this, I was planning on getting rid of Papyrus next if he stopped us!"

"Really? I was about to shoot him then kidnap you!" Tim said, dropping his gun to his side.

"Aw, really?" Sans gushed, "I wish I knew that earlier instead of stalking you on your way home."

"So you feel the pull too, don't you?" Tim asked, grasping Sans' hands into his own.

"Yeah!" Sans said, holding his hands back. "I-I thought I was going crazy, all I could think about was you! I actually snuck into your house and stole a pair of underwear, and I had to follow you because I was afraid that you could have been with someone else. But if you feel it too, then we're met for each other!"

"I was so worried you were going to be mad at me for killing Papyrus," Tim said, "But he had to go if he was going to come in between us!"

"I could never hate you," Sans breathed, "I _love_ you, after all!"

"W-WAIT, SANS, Y-YOU...?" Papyrus trailed off.

"Ever since I met him at the store, I couldn't get Tim out of my head. He was just so... perfect, I just had to be with him!" Sans exclaimed, turning towards Papyrus. "I was afraid I'd have to kill you and then take Tim, I-I can't live without him! But we're meant to be, I love him and he loves me! It's okay Papyrus, Tim would never hurt me!"

"Now we can be with each other without having to worry about any interference!" Tim said happily, "No noisy brothers butting in, no annoying girls flirting with you. Sans, let's go get married!"

There was no hesitation before Sans answered. "Okay!"

The two held hands as they rushed out of the room, Papyrus hearing their footsteps thud down the stairs until they reached the front door, it slamming open and then closing with two loud bangs. It didn't take long before he could hear a car speeding away from his house, the skeleton still sitting in shock on his bed as he stared down at the knife Sans had been carrying.

What just happened?


	4. Thanksgiving Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was a special for Thanksgiving, and as you can tell by the date this is uploaded, this is not thanksgiving. The book was originally written on Wattpad so this went up on Thanksgiving.

One frying pan.

A single frying pan, that was all he had.

But he could do this.

Sans already had a head start that day. Because Addy was his youngest child, and she was the one who always wanted attention as a baby, she was the one who trained him to be able to wake up at four in the morning everyday. Torture, but it helped on days like these.

The food had been hidden in a corner of Snowdin, buried under the snow to keep it cold and covered in pine cones to mask the scent. It was necessary, Cole was a bloodhound when it came to food. It happened too many times with their birthday presents for him to learn rather quickly just how cunning his children could be. Especially when they wanted to be.

As if Sans wasn't already prepared. When it came to Thanksgiving, all bets were off. Not only did he have his children to handle, everyone wanted to grab some food before he was done. That meant he had to fight off almost all of them. Laughing Jack, Splendor, Jeff, they were all fair game. The only ones who really didn't try were Slender and Silky, as they were the only ones who were patient.

Sans had barely even gotten the turkey into the oven before Cole was already in the kitchen. There were no words spoken, the two nodding at one another. Once again, they would play this game. Another Thanksgiving, another year. Sans was determined to get all of the food cooked before anyone ate this year. He knew it could take awhile, so he made sure that he had some food for everyone to eat while he cooked. As if that would stop them from trying, though. It was more of a game at this point, to see if anyone could beat Sans and get some of the food. It was hard for Sans, but fun. Also a bit frustrating, but that went away when he managed to fight off all of his children (except for Silky) at once and he still managed to get all of the stuffing out and in a bowl while fighting all of them at once.

"Cole," Sans acknowledged his son.

The white haired child nodded at Sans. "Dad."

Their gazes slowly trailed towards the table, where all of the food was gathered. Than they returned back to one another, a grin on each of their faces.

It was so _on_.

Cole made a move, but Sans was quick, grabbing his soul and making him fly out of the room through the door and land onto the couch of the living room. It wouldn't keep him back for long, but it gave Sans enough time to prepare for the second challenger.

Tondra was quick, rushing the table and trying to grab some of the french fried onions for the green bean casserole. It was her favorite, she always tried to grab those first. He would have to cook it first, as once it was cooked she would get the leftovers and lose interest in the now soggy ones. It was a strategy, really.

"Good morning kiddo," Sans said, holding the box of food with his magic before floating it quickly over to him. "You and Cole been staking out the kitchen, huh?"

"You know it," Tondra said, tilting her neck to crack it.

As she moved forward, Cole was already back in the kitchen. Cole was more interested in eating whatever was available for grabs, making him more of a wild card. Meanwhile, Tondra only had one objective, so Sans made sure to keep it grasped in his magic as he opened up a drawer he would need in a bit. They were always the first two up, it was more of a warm up. The more... chaotic ones were always later.

There was some stages, it always depended on what Sans was making at the moment and what had been made previously. It was a game of strategy, everyone had their own. Cole's was to grab anything he could and book it, hoping for Tondra as a distraction. Tondra used her height and skinny arms to her advantage, trying to slip past Sans and grab the floating food.

He whisked the box right at Cole, hitting him square in the chest before knocking him backwards. It may have been two against one, but Sans had known them since they were babies. The brown haired female and black eyed male stood no chance.

The green bean casserole was already being started, Sans pulling out a can opener before he crashed both of his children together to temporarily stun them, floating the food towards the ceiling as he opened up a can of mushroom soup.

"Sh*t," Cole complained.

"Language," Sans said, smiling at them as he started opening the bag of green beans. "All you have to do is wait a little bit, Tondra."

"But they taste better when just opened, and I won't get as much," Tondra said, standing up.

Cole was already on the move, trying to grab a bag of sugar on the counter, likely to eat straight out of the bag. He wouldn't stop the entire day, but that was alright. Sans already had a plan to deal with him this year. It would be slightly risky, but it was a risk worth taking.

"Say hi to you're mom for me," Sans said, appearing next to his son before tapping him on the shoulder.

Just like that, Cole disappeared, Sans focusing his magic to transport his son to Jane's room. That would no doubt wake her up, but it would be a good distance away from the kitchen. By the time Cole would get back, the green bean casserole would already be in the oven and Tondra would be satisfied with the leftover french fried onions. One less person to worry about.

Sans already knew the pies would have to be last. That was when true chaos ensued, everyone always wanted a piece. Once he could get it out of the oven and onto the table, he should be good to go.

Now that he and Tondra were alone, he looked at her directly while he peeled back the top of the container of the french fried onions. He couldn't see her eyes from behind the pair of blue goggles on her face, but he could tell that she was probably narrowing her eyes. Tondra tried to grab at them, but it was too late, as Sans had already tipped it over into the pot and was sprinkling it over the dish.

"Darn it," Tondra muttered, "You used the whole box!"

"There's another box over there, you can have that entire one," Sans said, gesturing to another box of french fried onions.

Tondra snapped her head towards it, quickly rushing towards the unnoticed box before pulling it open and pulling out some of the food inside to eat. "Thanks Dad," She said with a mouthful of food, her slender form leaving the room shortly after.

One down. The turkey and green bean casserole were both already cooking, Tondra was satisfied with her food and Cole would take a little bit to come back to the kitchen. How come no one ever listened to the rule of no eating before everything was done?

Of course, Smile Dog. He was always next in line, wanting to see if he could get some food. The dog wasn't as reckless as Jeff or Cole, but the two of them wouldn't be gone for long. Jeff would be up soon and Cole wouldn't back down.

By now Sans was working on the marshmallow yams, sprinkling the marshmallows overtop of the dish. He could hear the claws scraping against the floor as Smile Dog entered the kitchen, sniffing the air slightly.

It was easier to deal with Smile Dog. He was rational about it, and he only wanted the good, cooked foods. Since none of it was made, he had no reason to go for it.

"What's on the menu this year?" Smile Dog asked, jumping onto a nearby chair and sitting on it.

"Well, the stuffed turkey is already in the oven," Sans answered, throwing aside the now empty bag of marshmallows. "So is the green bean casserole. I'm about to start cooking the yams now, then after the heat is on I'll start peeling potatoes and carrots for the mashed potatoes and glazed carrots."

"Busy morning," The dog hummed, his tail wiggling slightly. "The idea of mashed potatoes sounds really good."

"It will be, when we all eat together," Sans said, "Don't think about eating it early. Wait, hold on a minute."

Sans reached up towards the edge of the counter, grabbing a sealed container full of something that looked like mashed potatoes. He then tossed it to Smile Dog, who caught it easily.

"I wouldn't recommend you eat that, but pretend that you managed to steal it from me and let Cole try to steal it from you," Sans explained, "It has some stuff in there that'll scare him off until dinner."

"How old is this?" Smile Dog asked.

"It was made yesterday," Sans hummed, "It's not old, don't worry. It's just the ingredients that are questionable. I wouldn't give food poisoning to my son, but it'll ruin his appetite for a good amount of time."

"What's in it for me?"

Sans smiled at him. "It'll be fun to watch his reaction. The mashed potatoes and turkey won't be done for awhile anyway, so don't worry about wasting time."

With that, the red and black furred dog walked out of the kitchen. That should keep Cole away until dinner was ready, so that eliminated Tondra and Cole already from Sans' troubles. Smile Dog would be gone a few hours, he preferred fully cooked food.

Now, the next dish he already knew who would be next. He had to get as many as the others out of the way before most of the food was ready, as that was usually the time most of them 'attacked'. It was always the same whenever Sans even so much as held a potato, it was as if Laughing Jack just knew he was. The moment Sans had the bag open, he could feel the smoke puff behind him as he prepared to peel the potatoes.

"Hello!" Laughing Jack sung, leaning up behind him. "Whatcha doing?"

"Making food you can't have," Sans replied, starting to work on peeling the potatoes.

"But little potato!" Laughing Jack whined.

"No buts, there isn't even anything sweet to eat done yet," Sans said.

"But you're killing your people!" The tall clown said.

"It's fine, don't worry about it, we went over this last year," Sans said, "And I've hidden a special surprise in Snowdin forest if you want to go find it."

"Yay, surprise!" Laughing Jack giggled, "I'll find it this year!"

And just like that, he was gone.

By far, Laughing Jack was the most difficult to keep the food from. With his ability to stretch limbs, teleport, and even drag Sans into his own little world before raiding the kitchen, it was usually difficult for Sans to keep him back. But by hiding a little "surprise" in the forest to get Laughing Jack out of the house before any of the sweets were made, it kept the food safe from him. Sans had to work on lowering the number of people invading the kitchen so he would have less to deal with when it came time to put all of the food out.

Sans could hear a sudden yell and gagging by Cole and Jane from down the hall, Smile Dog loudly laughing. Oh wow, Jane must have eaten some as well. Two for one!

At least Ben tried to sneak in silently with Sally when the pair had woken up. Not silent enough, though, as Sans quickly grabbed their souls and floated them out of the room before he closed the door shut.

"No early eating!" Sans yelled, mashing down the potatoes into a bowl.

The two of them gave up easily, they were already dead and didn't get hungry. They just liked eating food, but if that meant they had to face Sans, they could wait. The two opted to settle down in the living room and watch T.V instead of trying to fight a battle they knew they would lose.

It wasn't long before the mashed potatoes were finished and the glazed carrots were cooking, Sans using a can opener to open a can before Jeff was in the kitchen.

Sans grabbed the top of the can and whisked it like a ninja star, the cut edge digging in the edge of Jeff's hoodie and pinning him against the wall.

"Mother f*cker," Jeff yelped, quickly reaching to pull the metal can top out of his sleeve.

"You learn how sharp they are when it can cut bone," Sans hummed, shrugging before he held up more from the cans of mushroom soup that he opened previously. "And I have more, so take that as a warning."

"Ohhhh-kay then!" Jeff laughed awkwardly, backing out of the kitchen.

One by one, Sans managed to cook dish after dish while also fighting off his family. When everything was in the two ovens and cooking, that's when Sans cleared off the counter and started working on the organs, effectively causing most of them to leave. The only two who really ate humans were Eyeless Jack and Addy, and that was an easy break.

Addy was the first one, giving Sans big cute eye sockets as she silently begged for some food before dinner. Sans pulled out an extra eyeball from the jar and patted the little skeleton on the head before sending her out, and she was done with trying to steal food. Addy wasn't one for stealing, she was more of a 'stand there and silently give puppy dog eye sockets' before Sans caved.

Eyeless Jack was just as easy. As soon as he walked in, he had tried to reach for a chunk of the heart. Sans simply distracted him by leaning up and kissing him a deep kiss before letting the flustered man rush out of the room with a blush on his face. It was easy to make him flustered, Eyeless Jack still got nervous when they kissed even though they already had a kid.

But when the pies were almost ready, that's when Sans really had to start.

He could hear them outside of the room, him turned around with a frying pan in hand. The pies had only one more minute in the oven, and they knew it too. Everything else was already done, hidden away. It was just the pies he needed to get out.

There were six of them. Two pumpkin, two pecan, a lemon meringue, and an organ pie. It was a recipe he had to make himself through a lot of trial and error, and maybe a bit of throwing up. A tad bit of sugar to make it sweet but not to upset Addy or Eyeless Jack's digestive habits. Cut up organs, a bit of sugar and honey, and some pie crust made out of some human stuff. Difficult to determine, but it was worth the effort in the end.

When the oven dinged, and Sans turned, they all closed in.

Sans managed to grab all of their souls and pulled them back a few feet, using his reflexes to grab Bean and pull her away from the oven by the back of her shirt, effectively running her into Tim and Hoodie, knocking the two down like bowling pins. Splendor tried to drop down from the ceiling and grab one of the pies, but Sans quickly grabbed his outstretched hands and pulled him down onto the floor. Toby was on the counter at this point, him and Wayne quickly trying to close in from both sides. Sans used the frying pan to knock them both down, catching Wayne as he fell before he threw his son at Hoodie for his Father to catch, further distracting both of them. Bobo tried to close in, but Sans was shorter than him, able to lean down as he passed and hitting the back of his knees with a frying pan, causing him to let out a shout as he fell.

Helen tried to use that distraction to grab one of the buttered rolls, but Sans quickly grabbed the tray and used it to knock him back, keeping the rolls on the pan as he continued fighting everyone off at once. Hewey was fast in his wheelchair, using it to his advantage to roll into the kitchen at lightning speed and manage to snatch one of the rolls on his way in. However, the kid didn't have an escape plan, managing to run into the counter at top speed, allowing for Sans to reach over at the forcefully stopped male and take back the roll and put it back onto the tray. Leonie was reaching for one of the pies before Sans grabbed her arm and picked up his daughter, throwing her onto her brothers lap on the wheelchair before using his magic to make them fly backwards out of the room, at around the same speed he entered.

With plates in hand, and a frying pan he was using the bat the CreepyPasta away, Sans started setting the table, using his magic to fly out silverware and to keep dragging their souls out of the room. Once all of the silverware and plating was done, Sans sighed with relief.

"Okay, okay, I'm done now guys!" Sans announced, "Sit down, it's over now."

Some of them started grumbling with another loss this year, others just being happy that the food was prepared and that they could eat. Some of them were breathing heavily from the exercise, while others like Silky and Addy sat down without any problems. Cole and Jane were the last ones to enter the room, both wide eyed and a bit phased by what they had eaten earlier.

"Didya guys like my decoy?" Sans taunted them, starting to put out some turkey on the plate in front of Cole.

"I think I died back there," Cole muttered, letting his head fall onto the table next to his plate.

"I'm already dead!" Sally laughed.

"Yeah dude, join the club," Ben said.


	5. Stalking Monochrome Clown On Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the same situation as the last chapter, but still enjoy!

Sans first saw the clown at the car.

The man stuck out like a sore thumb. While the humans and monsters mindlessly walked down the street, he stood. The black and white feathers and overalls contrasted greatly to the luscious green and white bushes and brown tree trunks behind him.The clown was too far away to tell his expression, but close enough to tell that he was staring at them.

"Hey, what's that guy doing over there?" Sans asked.

Undyne drummed her fingers against the steering wheel. She had been looking at him too. "I know, he's just standing there."

"HEY, GUYS," Papyrus said, opening the car door and leaning in. "IS THAT GUY ACROSS THE STREET LOOKING AT US?"

"I-it's really creepy," Alphys muttered.

"Hey, idiot, get in here," Undyne said, "We should get going before they get any fancy ideas."

"INDEED! IT IS TIME CELEBRATE YOUR ENGAGEMENT, AFTER ALL!" Papyrus told them, climbing into the back seat next to Sans.

"Oh yeah, congrats on making it oh-fish-al, 'dyne," Sans told her.

"SANS!" Papyrus screeched, Undyne and Alphys laughing.

The clown was quickly forgotten, the lullaby of soft tunes and discussion drawing their attention away from him. They made it to the restaurant quickly, getting to their seats after shaking the early snow out of their clothes and continuing the discussion. Toriel and Asgore had met them there, and they all took a corner booth.

Then, the clown had come again.

Undyne was the first to notice him. And Sans knew the moment she saw him, just from the way she reacted. Her fork dropped to her plate, eyes widening as her lips down turned. She was looking towards the entrance.

"That f*cking clown..."

Her voice was quiet.

Everyone turned, and there he was, walking to a nearby booth and sitting down at it. Now that he was closer, Sans could make out his face.

It was... unusual, per say.

Wide eyes stared at Sans as he sat down, sharp teeth twisting up in a grin. The way he was looking at the skeleton was terrifying, because he wouldn't look anywhere else. He didn't move in his seat, didn't reach for a menu. He didn't even bother to look at the others, his gaze was on Sans the entire time. Just staring. Not even blinking.

"He's l-looking at you..." Alphys muttered to him.

"You think?" Sans asked, looking over at her.

It was making him uncomfortable.

"Uh, hello?" Sans asked, "You're looking at me a bit, it's a nice jester and all, but-"

"SANS, STOP MAKING PUNS!" Papyrus snapped.

"Look," Undyne whispered, grabbing his jaw and turning him towards the clown.

Toriel and Asgore were looking over, both of them confused as well.

"Do you know him?" Toriel asked.

Their table wasn't the only one staring. The other few tables were staring at well, one of those people looking at Sans with a questioning stare. He only shrugged, looking back at the clown.

"We saw him earlier, he must've followed us here," Undyne said to Toriel, "Think we should do something?"

"We d-don't have proof or anything, I-I mean-"

The clown went on the move, getting all of their attention. He was standing up, gaze now lingering on the row of quarter machines in the back. Walking to one, he pulled out a quarter from one of his shirt pockets and put it into one of the machines. Everyone at his table watched the clown carefully, unable to see what he was doing because his back was covering his actions.

"IS HE-"

"Shhhh!" Everyone hissed at Papyrus, turning at him.

By then, the clown was standing back up and turning around, one of the little plastic balls in his hands. He opened it in full view of everyone, pulling out a single small plastic ring with two little hearts on it. And with that, he started walking towards their table, ring in hand.

And, of course, staring at Sans.

Alphys seemed to try and say something, but stuttered over her words when the clown crouched at the end of their table and lightly grabbed Sans' hand. Sans froze, feeling the cold, clawed fingers gently pushing the ring onto his ring ringer.

"Uh..." Sans said.

The clown simply smiled at him with those sharp teeth before he stood up and finally walked out of the restaurant, looking back one more time at Sans before he left onto the light snow dusted street. Everyone in the restaurant had been watching him at this point, looking at Sans and the door over and over again.

"Yeah, I don't know that guy," Sans said.

"Do you not?" A human asked from the table next to his, looking back at him. "Is he a monster, or...?"

"I don't recognize him," Asgore said.

"I thought he was a human," Sans answered.

"He followed us earlier, I think we should be careful," Undyne muttered.

Everyone at the table looked at one another, but none of them were really sure what just happened. This situation wasn't exactly normal. Did he follow them there just to buy Sans a ring and then leave? Why did he even buy Sans the ring? Was this a stalking situation, or did he decide just to screw with them?

"Okay then, what a great way to start this dinner!" Sans said, clapping his hands together. "Nothing like a creepy looking clown just putting a ring on me!"

"D-Do you think he did that b-because he knew we were c-celebrating our engagement?" Alphys asked.

"Oh, maybe," Toriel said.

"Well, congratulations on your engagement, Sans," Undyne joked, trying to ease the tension.

"Heh, yeah," Sans said awkwardly, rotating the plastic ring on his finger. "Guess I won't be so bonely anymore."

"SANS, I SWEAR!" Papyrus yelped.

And just like that, their dinner was back on track.

Of course, the clown wasn't forgotten at this point. Once in awhile, they would glance at the door, making sure they didn't see him again. Even the restaurant staff had approached their table and asked about the clown, the group confirming they didn't know him and they believed he followed them in. The staff offered to call the cops, but they declined. Undyne and Asgore had authority, and the clown had left anyway.

They finished their dinners quickly and decided to go home, the group occasionally looking over their shoulders for any signs of a weird looking clown. The evening was spent a little jarred, and Sans wasn't exactly sure what he should do for the ring when he remembered he was still wearing it when he got home. The short skeleton opted for simply resting the plastic onto his wooden brown nightstand, and then promptly forgetting about it instantly.

Although the occurrence that day was odd, the group decided to all forget about it. They didn't really want to talk about it, the clown had been creepy. And they haven't seen him since that day, so he _probably_ wasn't following them.

It was almost two weeks since the dinner party when Sans and Undyne were driving in a car together. Undyne and Sans were on their way back from the store for a Christmas Eve sleepover, picking up some food together while Alphys and Papyrus were waiting for them back at their house. They had been talking about how Alphys probably kept watching ahead in the anime chosen for that sleepover when the song 'All I want for Christmas is you' suddenly changed to a broadcast.

"We just got some news," The man over the radio said, sounding alert. "Near Riverstone road, two dead bodies were found with their guts removed and candy replacing their internal organs within their chests. This is a warning for anyone driving near Riverstone road or anyone who lives near this road, as the deaths have been reported recent."

"Aren't we on Riverstone road?" Sans asked, looking at the soft snow flakes blowing past their car windows.

"We just turned onto it, yeah," Undyne muttered, "Just our luck."

"Police are warning people to stay on the lookout for a clown looking man with sharp teeth, sharp fingers, and wearing all black and white. If you spot this man, call 911 immediately and alert the authorities. Keep your doors locked and call the police if you spot any suspicious activity or anyone dressed up like a clown."

The two of them were staring at the radio, wide eyed and mouths dropped open.

"Oh, you've got to be sh*tting me!" Sans groaned.

"We have to get off this road, now," Undyne said sternly.

"Yeah, I think that goes without saying, 'dyne," Sans said, looking around at the dark trees surrounding their road. "I don't see any driveways to turn into, though."

"I'll just make a U-Turn," Undyne said.

"In the middle of the road?" Sans said, "It's dark out and snowing, that's dangerous. And it's a small road, we might slide from the ice road and go into a ditch."

"What do you want me to do? Drive towards the creepy clown that apparently just did a surgery on two people with candy? The one that was stalking us sometime ago?" Undyne yelled.

Suddenly, they heard a loud pop before the car started to slow and shake, the two of them groaning.

The tire just burst.

"I swear to the lord Toby Fox himself, I'm going to assassinate this car," Undyne muttered as the car slowed.

Sans tried to look down at the popped tire through the window. "This is like a horror movie now or some sh*t."

"I'm not stopping driving," Undyne said, shaking her head as she gripped the wheel firmer. "I have a spare tire, but I'm not changing it; it's cold out and there's a killing clown. I'm making a U-Turn and we're going to leave."

"This is the slowest U-Turn in the history of 'escaping-killer-clown-U-Turns'." Sans commented.

The car pressed on slowly, shaking slightly as Undyne made a slow turn on the road. Since the road was rather small, she had to switch gears from driving to reverse constantly.

And when they were finally turned around fully, there was the same clown standing on the road in front of their headlights.

He was a little distance away, but still close enough to make out his looks with the help from the headlights. The clown was smiling, and there was splatters of blood over his body, mainly on his hands. From the distance, Sans couldn't tell what he was looking at through the snow flakes, but the shiver that went down his spine made Sans realize the clown was probably looking at him.

Oh, great.

"Nope!" Undyne yelled.

She put the car in reverse and slammed on the gas, ignoring the flat tire and sending the car flying backwards down the road. They could hear the metal from the tire ring objecting to the fast speed, but neither really cared at the moment. It was either the car or them, and Undyne was willing to sacrifice the car for their lives. The car would be a wreck later, but they'd be alive!

The clown soon disappeared from their headlights as they barreled down the road, Sans turning his head to look behind them to make sure they wouldn't hit any oncoming traffic. Although the rim of the tire was probably taking damage, judging by the noises, they still went at a good pace to get away from the clown.

"Go, go, go," Sans chanted over and over.

"I'm going!" Undyne yelled, pressing on the gas harder.

But then, another car came onto the road.

The two of them screamed when they noticed the car appearing out of nowhere. Undyne tried to jerk the wheel to pull them into their own lane, but the other car had already been swerving, causing them to collide and deflect off of the road.

From the speed they were going at, the car flew over the ditch and the rear smashed into a tree, the movements of the two crashes throwing Sans and Undyne around inside of the car. Although their seat belts helped restrict the movement, it didn't save them entirely from getting hurt. Their back window was utterly shattered, making pieces of glass fly forward, one catching Undyne's arm and another slicing through the side of Sans' seat. From the collision against the other car, Sans had been thrown against his seat, his skull hitting the door and knocking him unconscious immediately, so his limp body slammed back against the chair when they crashed into the tree and finally stopped. Undyne, however, remained fully aware, breathing heavily as she stared ahead, recovering from the shock of a crash.

The other car, across the street from them, also wasn't as lucky. They had ended up deflecting across the street into the ditch, the back of the car sticking up and out. Christmas Eve was probably the worst time to get into a crash, as the cold weather and ice roads, along with the urgency to get to places and the lack of people working made it more difficult for people to find them. It was dark out, too, and snowing. They would be hard to spot if someone did drive past.

Undyne glanced over at Sans, noting how he had a small cut on his skull that was lightly bleeding. Other than that, he looked fine, just unconscious. Nowhere near dusting, thankfully.

Quickly getting into action, Undyne felt around for her phone in her pockets before pulling it out, quickly typing in for the police. Usually she wouldn't, as she had authority and could arrest people herself, but this was a crash with a deadly clown not so far down the road. She needed to call for help before she did anything else.

"911, what's your emergency?" The female asked.

"I was driving on Riverstone road, and I saw the clown, he was covered in blood. The one from the radio. I think he slashed my tire. When I tried to get away, I ended up getting into a crash with another car," Undyne explained.

"We're sending a car for you now. Are you hurt?" The female asked.

"No, I just have a minor cut, but my passenger is unconscious. He hit his head. I don't know about the other car, but the clown wasn't far down the road. I'm going to try and go to the other car to make sure no one is hurt, but we won't be able to stay for long."

"Make sure to stay on the line, we have an ambulance and cop car on it's way," The woman said.

"I will," Undyne said.

She pressed the phone between her shoulder and head before she leaned over and unbuckled Sans, lightly shaking him to see if he would wake up.

And, as she suspected, he didn't. It would've been helpful if he did, so she could have an extra pair of hands that wasn't affected by the snow. And if he was awake, he could help get the other people out of the car and away while Undyne dealt with the clown. But no, he remained asleep and Undyne had to figure out a course of action.

"How long will it take for them to get here?" Undyne asked.

"There was a car already near the area on patrol for the clown, it should be a couple of minutes," The woman explained.

Undyne started to talk, but paused. She could see the clown now, walking down the street through the snow towards the other car. From how they had crashed into the ditch, but Undyne and Sans had continued into the trees, the other car was more noticable. So the clown must have spotted it first.

"Ma'am?" The female asked.

"I see the clown, he's going towards the other car," Undyne explained, "He hasn't seen mine yet, I'm more hidden behind the trees."

As Captain of the Royal Guard, Undyne didn't want to sit around. Throwing open the car door, she stepped out into the snow. The cold instantly attacked her scales, making her start to shiver even through her sweater. Fish monsters weren't made for cold weather, it wouldn't be long before the cold started to affect her fighting skills.

But she would only need a few minutes before backup arrived.

"I'm going to distract him for a bit, so he won't hurt those people," Undyne said, "Thank you for your time."

Undyne ended the call and put the phone back into her pocket, a blue spear summoning in her hands. All she needed to do was keep him away for a few minutes, the cold shouldn't slow her down by then. It was a bit embarrassing that a person as strong as Undyne would be easily slowed by snow, but fish monsters were weak to temperatures. Too hot, she would end up fainting. Too cold, and her body and magic slowed.

The clown had the door open at this point, one of his bloody hands reaching in for someone inside. Undyne could hear them crying and sobbing, the person inside was conscious and _very_ aware of the creepy killer clown next to their car.

Reacting quickly, she shot the spear at the clown, sending it straight for his chest. And it hit, too, Undyne patting herself on the back mentally for a good, clean shot. It would incontacipate him enough to where help could arrive shortly and-

The spear didn't hit him.

Instead, the spear went _through_ his body like it was butter and hit the snowbank behind him. His body morphed around it as it went through him, and he didn't even react to or notice it. Instead, he kept reaching forward before he was pulling a flailing and screaming boy out of the car by his neck.

"Oh god please, no no-"

And just like that, the boy was dead.

Undyne swallowed down a yell and backed away through the snow slowly, glad that her spear went unnoticed. It took no effort from the clown to snap that boys neck, and her magic didn't seem to work on him. This was a situation she had to get out of.

Unfortunately for her, the clown seemed uninterested in the person, tossing their body into the snowbank and crouching down to look into the car more. It was as if he was looking for someone.

And just like that, it clicked. This same clown from before had followed them into the restaurant for a reason, and he followed their car for a reason. He wasn't smiling as he looked more into the car, peeling back the door as he looked for someone.

Someone he had been staring at the entire time in the restaurant...

Only a few steps were taken by the fish monster before the clown caught notice of her, bending up fully to his fighting height and grinning down at her. He must have recognized her from the car, and judging by how his gaze turned towards their crashed car behind her, Undyne's conclusion was right.

Sans was his target.

This situation wasn't good. Magic didn't work on this guy, and he just killed a human with a simple neck snap. Although Undyne liked tough battles, she knew her best course of action for this was to back up and retreat. She wouldn't do any damage, and the cold was starting to get at her, too. This wasn't a fight she could risk.

Just then, bright headlights shot through the snow as a police car arrived, the two looking at it.

"Put your hands up!" Two officers yelled, pulling out guns and aiming at the clown.

The clown simply let out a deep, raspy chuckle, one that made Undyne's heart drop in her chest. Whatever this guy was, he wasn't human or monster. He was dangerous, and she couldn't stick around.

"Attacks don't work on him!" Undyne told the officers, "I just tried, it went through him."

"What do you mean?" One of them asked.

The clown continued laughing, starting to walk towards the cops with a smile pulling at the corners of his grey lips.

"If you come any closer, we will open fire!" One of the officers warned.

"It won't do anything!" Undyne yelled, "Get out of here!"

She couldn't protect them. It was frustrating, knowing that trying to step between them would do nothing. Instead, she decided to simply prove her point in front of them, summoning another spear and throwing it again. Once again, the spear went through his body and this time hit a tree, the clown turning to look at her briefly.

"O-Oh gosh..." One of the cops muttered, their hands shaking slightly.

"We need to call... f*ck, we need to call someone about this, do something!" The other said.

Undyne gritted her teeth together, taking a couple of steps back. The clown was closer to them, she could take the chance to grab Sans and get some distance between them and this clown. Oh, how Undyne wished to help them. She really wanted to, but Undyne wasn't good at talking her way out of things, she couldn't distract him long enough. Not to mention how Sans was still unconscious and was the clowns target. There was no way to save these people, Undyne couldn't do a d*mn thing and it was frustrating. These people were probably going to die, and it was her fault.

"Get into the car and drive, now!" Undyne ordered to them.

"What about you?" One of them asked while the other ran towards the car.

"I'll figure something out!" Undyne said, "Leave without me! Warn everyone in the area about this guy!"

The officer gave her one last look of hesitation before making the sensible choice and backing towards the car, gun still aimed at the clown. Even though the cop knew the gun wouldn't work, he still aimed it, likely to make him feel a bit better about the situation. As soon as they managed to get inside of the car, the clown took action.

As he ran towards the car, Undyne had no choice but to pull herself away and force her shivering limbs to start running towards her own wrecked car. There was nothing she could do, her magic was pointless, she had no way to distract the clown without resulting in a pointless death that would leave the knocked out skeleton defenseless. She bit back a growl as he forced herself to the car to pull open his door, seeing that Sans was still unconscious and that he actually had a few more cuts than she knew from the broken glass.

Undyne tried to zone out the screams of the men as she picked up Sans out of the car. There was nothing she could do, it would be pointless to go back and save them. Nothing. _Nothing_.

With sleeping Sans now in her arms, she made her way down the street in the opposite way, chewing on her dry lips with her sharpened teeth. Just ignore them. Ignore the screams of pain and metal tearing, ignore the cold prickling her body, ignore the wind blowing snow directly into her face. Instead, she used these factors to help fuel her shivering legs faster through the snow, forcing her body against the snow.

She and Sans were going to survive this, d*mnit.

It barely took anytime before silence returned to the air, letting Undyne know the fate of the two officers. The only sounds left was her shuffling feet through the snow and the howling wind, and her breathing.

Her breathing that sounded awfully... not like hers. Awfully raspy.

There was barely anytime to react, Undyne managed to dodge the swinging arm just by a millimeter. If it wasn't cold, and she wasn't carrying this bag of bones, then she would be faster, more alert. That's why she didn't manage to dodge the second hand, the claws digging into her hair and pulling her back.

There was no hope for a fight, Undyne was at a severe disadvantage. When the clown threw her against the tree, the breath was knocked out of her, making her drop limp to the ground with Sans under her in the snow. Her face was cold from being pressed down into the snow, along with bones digging into her gut and chest. Undyne forced herself onto her elbows with a shaking, weak body, feeling no strength in her muscles as she forced herself with a pained neck to look up at the clown.

The clown showed amusement to her situation with his fingers still dug into her hair, jerking her head to the right and causing her to grunt with pain. His smile then dropped before he threw Undyne to the side as if she was a toy he was bored of, her body rolling through the snow and effectively covering her in more.

By then her vision was starting to go dark, likely from the multiple impact injuries and the snow combined. Even though Undyne was a rather strong female, she wouldn't be able to press on forever. There was only so much that she could do before her body started to weaken. In fact, she was surprised she even made it this far, but upset that she wasn't able to do anything more. If only it wasn't snowing, then maybe she could do something!

With a darkened vision, Undyne could do nothing but watch as the clown dragged a long claw down Sans' face before his hands lowered. Grabbing ahold of the skeletons shoulders, the clown dragged Sans up from the snow, one of his slippers dropping to the ground with some excess snow.

Her vision went black.

~~~~~~

Undyne awoke with a start, finding herself laying in a bed. She looked around, gathering in her surroundings. A white curtain, white sheeted bed, and machines placed next to her. Hospital.

Someone found her.

The Doctors came in shortly, Undyne forcing herself to sit up more. Her body felt bruised, she was definitely left injured. Injured and hurt, but alive.

Asking the doctor supplied her with some information on what happened. The ambulance that was sent saw her blue scales and bright red hair in the snow and they brought her back. Searching the area, they the crash, along with three bodies. Undyne told him that she was with another monster, and asked if they found any dust or a skeleton. The man told her they didn't look for dust, and by how much it snowed, the dust would be covered by now. If Sans did die out there, they wouldn't be able to find his dust to see if he survived or not. Right now, he was considered a missing person.

She felt like crap.

Did she do something wrong? Undyne didn't think she did, she hadn't acted stupid. Did she? Was there a way she could have fought against him, a way to save those people or Sans? Was Sans even alive? What did the clown do to him?

It was Christmas morning, around 4 o'clock when she had woken up. The police had been brought in for questioning, and Undyne explained everything about what happened. They told her she had done the right choices, that she acted smart in that situation. To keep driving instead of changing the wheel when she knew there was a serial killer outside was a good idea, but she could have prevented the crash if she hadn't insisted on making a U-Turn. They told her it wasn't her fault, that the road was slippery during winter, and that she was making rational choices when faced with a killing clown.

It didn't help ease her. It was Christmas, and she caused the death of four people. One of which was her friend. Her best friends brother.

Oh, how would Papyrus react? What would he say?

It didn't take long for the Doctors to alert her friends that she was awake, letting them come in and pick her up. She didn't need to stay in the hospital, after a checkup the doctor explained that she only had some bruising and a few minor cuts from glass that were already bandaged. All she had to do was no exert herself and she would be fine.

She felt miserable, wishing them a good Christmas before leaving the hospital. She had wasted their time on Christmas of all days, and she had failed to save four people from deaths she should have been able to prevent.

Or would she have? If the other car wasn't there, Undyne might have been able to get away. But from what she heard before, and how she saw the clown was able to bend the metal door of the car, they might not have been able to get away anyway.

Undyne was silent on the car ride, looking outside at the snow covered terrain. It was supposed to be a holiday about family, and about cheer, but instead the car was filled with a grieved silence. Toriel tried to lighten the mood by making a joke, but no one responded. Sans was missing, and it was Undyne's fault. She didn't feel like jokes.

Getting back to the brightly decorated house was miserable. They had so many plans for the holiday. Right now, they were supposed to be dragging Sans out of bed to open presents. They weren't supposed to be getting home with dull faces, no one bothering to make Christmas cheer.

"Are you... holding up okay?" Toriel asked Undyne.

"... No," Undyne choked out.

She tossed her phone onto a table and sat down in the living room, covering her face with her hands. The Captain of the Royal Guard should have been able to save those people. The crash should have never happened, Undyne was better than that.

"IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT," Papyrus said, "AND- AND WE DON'T KNOW IF SANS IS DEAD! HE MIGHT... WE HAVE HOPE!"

Oh, how Undyne wanted to hope Sans was alive. She so desperately wanted to suddenly have him walk in through the door, announcing he managed to wake up at the last second and by some miracle escaped. But she knew it wouldn't have happened. He hit the door hard, and he was still out when she passed out. Sans wasn't one of the strongest monsters, he wouldn't have been able to put up any fight.

"No, you guys don't know what I saw," Undyne said, running a hand through her hair. "That clown... He was actually crazy. That thing had able to snap a humans neck with no effort... and he was hunting Sans down, too!"

"But there could have been another reason, we don't have proof that Sans is dead." Toriel rested a hand on her shoulder.

Papyrus nodded. "A-AND MAYBE SANS IS STILL OUT THERE! IF THE CLOWN LEFT YOU ALIVE, SANS MIGHT BE ALIVE TOO!"

"Those people are dead because of _me_ , Papyrus," Undyne muttered, "That clown guy just... he had no problem killing any of them. I-I heard their screams, I looked that man in the eye as he... he..."

Toriel drew Undyne in for a hug, Undyne blinking back tears as she gripped onto the white furred shoulders. The fish monster wasn't one to cry, but after what happened, she didn't have much of a say in the matter.

"U-Um..."

Oh, how was Alphys handling this? Toriel seemed to be holding back her emotions to comfort the others, and Papyrus was trying his best to stay optimistic. But Alphys wasn't good with dealing with grief, or anything related.

"That b-box moved," Alphys mumbled lightly, pointing a shaking claw towards their christmas tree.

Everyone glanced over, noticing a box that they should have noticed earlier. It was a simple box, about half of the height of Undyne, yet still larger than the rest. The wrapping paper was a dark grey, and the bow on top was a pure white silk. Undyne couldn't see it move, but now that she was paying attention to her surroundings, she could still tell that the present wasn't like the others. It was bigger, and the wrapping paper was a different type than their own.

"It does seem out of place," Toriel pointed out.

"Know what, I'll open it," Undyne said, standing up. "If the clown somehow is in there, and he pops out and kills me, it'll at least give you time to escape."

"Wait, Undyne-"

But it was too late, Undyne was already stalking off towards the large gift before Papyrus could object further. With heavy arms, she forced herself to untie the top of the box and use her nails to rip through the wrapping paper easily. If the clown was hiding in there to just get her, or if this box contained some sort of mocking gift inside, Undyne was willing to take it. She let Sans die out there, the thoughts in her hands running loose as she pulled at the cardboard box to open it, Undyne was stupid and now Sans was-

In the box?

Looking down into the dark box, there he was. Sleeping peacefully, shifting slightly when the light invaded the inner shadows of the box. He was wearing the same thing as before, and he looked overall healthy. The cuts seemed to have been bandaged, and he looked like he was simply taking a nap.

The plastic ring was on his finger.

"O-Oh my... thank Toby Fox!" Undyne breathed out, "He's okay, o-oh h-he's here and he's okay and he's fine!"

Papyrus quickly rushed over and gasped when he saw his brother, the two quickly reaching in and plucking the small skeleton out of the box. Alphys and Toriel caught wind and they too hurried over, eager to see Sans safe and in their house.

Holding him fully into the morning light helped Undyne to look over his body, even though Papyrus was hugging the unconscious brother of his close to his chest. Yeah, the few cuts he had seemed to have been tended to, and there didn't seem to be any broken bones. Sans was fine, he was in there house and he was fine!

Undyne then noticed the note. The small piece of paper sticking out from between Sans and Papyrus, one that Papyrus had yet to notice. Toriel seemed to take notice of it too, plucking the paper from between them to find it had been taped to Sans' front shirt. The goat monster stared at it for a moment, with her lips pressed together before she turned it around for the rest of the group to see.

' _Merry Christmas_ '


	6. Phone Calls

Slender should have warned Sans in hindsight. Sure, the skeleton was smart, but Slender was one of the few remaining of his species. Most humans didn't even know that he actually existed. Of course Sans wouldn't know about him, or about how their births were different than others.

It was no secret that Sans loved children. And Slender loved Sans, he wanted to make the shorter happy. It had required doing something that he never did, but it had turned out to be more pleasant than Slender had believed. Not only was it rather fun, it would be as a way to repopulate his species more. No wonder humans liked engaging in intercourse constantly.

But he should have warned Sans that his species were born from eggs.

Ever since he had gotten a phone, a tad bit useless due to both his and Sans's abilities for teleporting, the skeleton had only ever sent him memes or completely random things. It wasn't a communication device more as it was something for Sans to project his humor through whenever Slender wasn't in his presence. Sometimes he would even send memes while Slender was inside of the same room, making him question why he even had a phone if it served no purpose. It had come as a surprise when Sans had called him while Slender had been out stalking people, him stopping in the woods to answer.

"Uh, okay, so this is kinda... really, really weird," Sans said, "But uh... I woke up this morning pretty normal... and then now there's an egg."

It had caught Slender off guard by the way Sans had worded it. "Could you elaborate more?"

"Okay, longer version then." Sans took in a breath over the phone. "Basically I was doing the usual stuff, sending Toby memes and cooking breakfast, and I dunno, I felt heavier than usual? Like I had suddenly got wait or something in my pelvis, it was really weird. So I took a look under, and there was just a... an egg there, and now I have an egg."

"Oh, right, I apologize for not explaining earlier," Slender said, "You see, my species reproduces by eggs, not by souls like monsters or body like humans. That's why an egg was produced instead of a soul or a baby."

"... Well then, that makes sense, since I'm staring at the proof and all," Sans said, "Is there anything else I need to know? Like does the egg have to be warm or cold, do I have to go hunt down a volcano or sit on the egg? 'Cause I'm not sitting on it. I'm a skeleton, it won't do much."

"Being warm can help, and you should keep it in safe locations so it won't break and kill the child before it's fully grown," Slender said, "Where is it now? And how big is it?"

"I set up some pillows on the couch and it's sorta just chilling there. I'd say maybe the size of a softball? Maybe? I dunno, I've never watched softball up close in person, mostly on T.V when the remotes more than a foot away from me when I'm too lazy to grab it."

Slenderman leaned against a tree, proud to think of the child growing inside of the egg. He couldn't wait to get home and see both the egg and his precious husband, excited to see both. Imagining Sans as a parent was adorable, there was no denying it when watching him interact with Sally. There was a reason why everyone called him the CreepyPasta mom.

And when he had arrived home later that day, his thoughts were correct. Both Sans and the egg were adorable together, it only slightly bigger than a softball indeed. It was a simple white egg, no designs whatsoever, but the way Sans had set it up made the egg look like some sort of King. A pillow propped it up with a blanket surrounding it, letting the small top peak out to gaze over it's domain of the living room. Sans had the pillow placed on his lap, and he was lightly petting the top of the egg. Of course everyone took pictures, Sans couldn't move to stop them because he was trapped by the egg and thus they took as many as they could.

Sans named it his little bean, and carried around the egg everywhere. In fact, he even had Trender make a little pouch so he could have it against his chest like those child carrier packs, just for an egg instead. They purchased a crib to place next to the bed, where Sans would carefully lay their child in every night and even tuck it underneath a blanket. They positioned it right next to the bed so Sans could reach over and stick his hands through the bars to feel the egg, to feel his child slowly growing behind the shell.

It was obvious to anyone that Sans adored the egg, keeping it close to him at all times. When he was sure the shell was thick enough, he even bought a marker to draw a little silly face on it, causing Slender to crack up. It was dry erasable, so everyday there was always a new face. Sometimes, when someone would say something, Sans would change the face to react to the reaction. Nothing compared to when Sans asked Helen to draw a face and they had to watch Sans sit on the couch with an egg with an intense anime character face on it. Ben lost his composure over the sight, crumbling to the floor with his laughter like it was the funniest thing he's ever seen. Naturally, pictures were taken, as he was sure his child would be interested to hear about that one time it had an anime character face on its shell.

The egg started to grow quickly, as they tended to mature faster than normal human and monster children. It didn't take long before the egg was about the size of Sans's head, quickly exceeding that limit before it was almost half of Sans's size. The skeleton asked, once again over a call, if it was normal, and Slender told him it was. He never had a child stage of life, his species were born at the 'teenager' stage before maturing to adults outside of the shell. The children stages of life were too vulnerable to be out in the open, thus they grew within the shell. Sans was a bit disappointed in learning that he wouldn't raise them from being an infant, but Slender quickly pointed out he wasn't losing any time with his child. Although they grew to their teenage forms inside of the shell, it didn't mean they would spend any less time with their parents. It just meant that they wouldn't deal with the things that children typically needed, like diapers or toys.

Yeah, and maybe Slender should have explained about his species further.

When the egg was being formed, the infant inside would actually retain all of the knowledge of its parents. Not what they had eaten for supper that tuesday, but things like how to speak and walk, how to ride a bike and math. The more technical parts that didn't tie in with memories, just the knowledge of the parent. The egg had grown over the months to a size between Slender and Sans's height, which made the crib useless. And sadly, Sans couldn't carry it around anymore, instead the two opting for the option of the blanket corner. In the corner of his room they had set up plenty of blankets and pillows to help support the egg, and since it was bigger and had more surface room on the top, Sans really went to town with the drawings.

Waking up to find a buff anime dude drawn on the eggs shell was utterly horrifying, to say the least.

The egg hatched soon after, and Slender once again got a call from Sans when this happened. He sounded more worried over the phone, but mostly confused.

"Heya there Slendy, so... she walked out?" He asked.

"Hm?" Slender asked, confused by what he meant.

"The egg started to hatch, and I dunno what I was expecting... but then this girl just walked out... and then she shook my hand and told me it was nice to meet me, and... what the f*ck just happened?"

"Oh, she was born." Slender used his powers to bring himself home, walking into the house. "I'm home now, where are you two?"

"Slender, dude, what the f*ck?" Sans asked him over the phone, "I mean, I expected to teach her things or something, but I didn't expect her to f*cking walk out and shake my hand!"

"I told you that we're born with the knowledge our parents had," Slender said, "So she would know-"

"I thought you meant like, she knew how to ride a bike and like basic math, I didn't expect to meet her like we were about to go to a meeting or something!"

Slender eventually found Sans, and their child Silky, both of which were inside of Sans's room. Sans looked freaked out of his mind while Silky stood up to greet her other Father, shaking Slender's hand when he entered the room.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Silky," She said, "Thank you for deciding to have me, it's a privilege to be alive."

"Of course," He said, looking over at Sans. "I believe Sans needs some more explanation."

"Oh, I do believe so," Silky said, "I'll take my leave now, but perhaps we can talk more later."

"Sounds great."

Sans looked rather defeated, sitting on the bed with a confused look on his face. "What just happened?"

"We just met our daughter, I thought you liked kids?" Slender asked.

Sans was quick to nod. "Of course I like kids, but I like raising them, Slen! I like to watch them take their first steps, to help raise them and to watch them grow, to know that I taught them things and spent time with them. We won't have cute baby pictures of her, or we won't hear her first words. She just... knows all of that! It felt like I was meeting some business woman instead of my own daughter! She doesn't need us, Slen, she can just walk out and take care of herself without our help. We missed all of the good years, she's independent and I didn't have any help in raising her that way."

"What do you mean, of course you raised her that way," Slender said, "We both raised her that way, just through different means. And you raised her from a tiny little egg, didn't you?"

"I mean, yeah," Sans said, "It just feels like it happened too fast, like I barely know her. There was no growing up stage, no helping her learn her likes and dislikes, nothing like that."

"Sans, she has basic knowledge, but she doesn't know about herself either," Slender told him, "She knows math and how to walk and talk, but she doesn't know if she likes grapes or apples, or if she even likes doing math or not. She knows how to do things, but she doesn't know the enjoyment of it or not, and we can both experience it with her to help her learn who she is. And she remembers you taking care of her egg."

"Really?" Sans asked.

"She does, so she remembers how much effort you put into taking care of her," Slender comforted his husband, soothingly rubbing a hand on his back. "She'll remember all of those stories you read to her while she was in her egg and the things you told her. And we'll still be teaching her about life, just how she reacts to it and what she likes and hates about it. Just because she was born with information doesn't mean she has nothing to learn, we have to teach her about herself."

"That makes me feel a bit better, but I'm upset that I didn't get baby time with her," Sans muttered, "I freaking love babies."

"You have seven different people who you can have babies with, don't worry about it," Slender said, "And she knows how to take care of children, so she could help too. Which will be some more bonding time with you."

"But she also introduced herself as Silky, I didn't even get to choose the name." Sans looked at him pleadingly for an answer. "She choose it herself, without my help."

"Actually, both of our souls choose that name for her," Slender said, "When my kind is born, the child's name comes from the souls of the parents themselves. If she had been born like a regular human or monster, then she would have been named Silky by us anyway. She just knew it was our preferred name for her before we even knew."

"Oh, okay, well thanks for telling me all of this, it makes me feel better," Sans said, "Is there anything else about your species I should know before she starts breathing fire or something?"

"No, you know everything now," Slender told him, standing up, "Now come on, don't you want to help your daughter learn about herself?"


	7. The Most Difficult Child

Cole was probably the most difficult child to take care of.

Due to their conflicting species, it was actually Sans who held the child instead of Jane, even though Jane was the female of their relationship. It was weird being pregnant, as skeletons got pregnant through different means. Instead of having a body to contain the child, they instead give power to the soul and hold the soul before it's born. It creates a closer bond between the pregnant parent and the child, as their souls are together before they are born. No one would ever know Cole better than Sans, as Sans had carried his soul.

And Sans knew that Cole was going to be one heck of a kid to watch.

It was only ten minutes after he was born before Cole tried to roll away, though unsuccessful, from both his Mother and Father. He didn't make it very far, judging by how he had just been born, but boy did he try to get away every chance he could. It was in Cole's nature to explore and be wild, he loved doing it. And Sans was one who liked to support his children, but the problem was that Cole did it all the time from the day he was born. Cole was a quick learner, so it wasn't long before he was managing to roll faster away and better his escape plans. He never seemed to have a destination in mind, he just wanted to go anywhere but where he was. The child was ansty and impatient, and that showed every waking moment.

It wasn't long before they found him with two little feet sticking out of his crib as he tried (but failed) to squeeze through the bars, or him trying to twist out of their arms at every possible moment. When he learned how to crawl was when it got worse, since he became more mobile and would crawl away faster than a baby should. The moment his hands and feet would touch the ground he was already moving, his little chubby legs and feet frantically crawling his little body away. If a door was open, he was out of it instantly, running down the hall or even out the front of the house. If there was no exit from the room, Cole would just crawl in circles, giggling loudly the whole time. It was utterly hilarious, but also exhausting from how much they had to watch him to make sure he wouldn't get into any trouble.

Sans could not count just how many times he had to chase after a baby crawling away.

This was a cause of many funny instances. For example, one time they had been carrying groceries in and left the front door open. Jane had put down Cole to help Toby unpack the groceries in the kitchen. Little Cole immediately bolted, somehow making it all the way to the front door unnoticed by all of the residents of the house and making a path for the forest. Sans had been at the car at the time, grabbing more groceries when he heard Cole giggling and turned to see his baby almost inside of the dangerous forest, loudly giggling away as he waddled into the bushes towards freedom.

But the worst time by far had to be when he learned how to walk. Instead of taking his first steps from Sans to Jane, he instead started to awkwardly waddle away towards the door. Obviously little toddler Cole didn't make it very far, and immediately flopped onto the ground after a couple of steps. It had been hilarious at the time, both of his parents extremely glad that they would be able to look back at the recording anytime, but it came at the cost of Cole knowing how to walk and run away from them.

At every possible moment, Cole was bolting from them. It got to the point where they had to hold him constantly and only set down their child if all of the doors were closed. He wasn't a very intelligent child, as he would just run around in circles in the room before he tired out (it didn't take long) and just fell to the ground before he would continue his escape by rolling. It was freaking hilarious, Sans absolutely loved it, but Jane did not. Probably because Sans was the one sitting there laughing while Jane had to go pick him up. Cole didn't even try to wiggle out of their hands anymore, since he was able to walk now and knew he could get away faster when their arms got tired.

Oh, but that one time Sans had to give little Cole a bath was the most memorable.

Cole really, really hated bath time. The kid knew whenever bath time was approaching, and instantly took charge to waddle away as fast as he could. In the bath, he would always try to crawl out of the tub at every opportunity, and since he was naked and being washed, the child was slippery and could sometimes escape from their hands by slipping through. A few times during bath time Cole would manage to slip past whoever was washing him and waddle away butt naked. But one time, when Sans had been the one tasked to giving bath time, he forgot to close the door.

Sans wasn't exactly sure how it happened. One moment he was keeping on hand on Cole's shoulder to keep him from getting away while the other was busy washing his other arm. But the instant Sans took away both of his hands to get more body wash, Cole managed to somehow get enough force to make him body practically fly out of the tub, under Sans's arms, onto the floor behind him. By the time Sans had turned, completely naked Cole was already out the door, his giggling retreating down the hall as he made his escape. That's when Sans had to get up and chase after his own naked, wet, bubble covered son who was somehow already down the other side of the hall and waddling away like he had some sort of transport waiting for him. The kid was fast, his chubby little legs somehow managing to keep him at a steady pace. It was no rival to an adult monster who knew both soul and teleportation magic, who simply appeared next to his son and picked him up. None of the other household residents helped, as they were too caught off guard by a naked baby escaping to do anything other than laugh.

Safe to say that bath time was now done with closed doors. 


	8. Valentines Day Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I forgot a special

The gentle caressing of the curtain next to his open window brushed against his skull, wind fluttering in behind it. The sun had settled in the distance in favor of the moon, the pleasant scent of butterscotch pie wavering through the air from his kitchen as the leftovers hummed in the oven. Her pie was always served better warm. He'd know it was done when the microwave practically screamed it's alarm, he seriously needed to somehow turn down the sound. The neighbors had actually complained it was loud, even though Sans was across the street.

The surface was honestly... well, it was fantastic! They could see the sky everyday, and stand under the sun and just be free! It was nice, and honestly Sans really liked the surface. It was nice and comforting.

The T.V continued lazily in front of the skeleton, him shifting his foot to the side. Tonight was Valentines Day, so his plans were to watch the Office while all of his friends were busy. Usually they would all hang out, but not tonight. Toriel and Asgore were retrying their relationship, Alphys and Undyne were going on an anime date, and Papyrus and Mettaton were busy with a movie premiere. That left Sans alone, like every year, but he didn't really mind. He had T.V, after all. A scratch from outside could be heard, but he payed no mind to that as the skeleton continued to enjoy his program.

Until there was a scream.

It was loud and shrill, piercing the night like an arrow through paper. Sans had jerked at the sound, caught off guard as his bag of potato chisps collided to the carpet.

Now, Sans didn't really know his neighbors much. They were all humans, as the skeleton had decided to move to a more quiet area for this exact reason. He didn't like much action or intense, loud things. Sans liked more quiet and reserved areas, which was why he liked Snowdin. Not to mention his telescope could be used from his roof, which is pretty nice.

Sans pulled his body forward, skull pushed against the cool night air as he observed outside. The scream had actually been kind of close, it was definitely nearby.

The sky was mostly dark as the moon swam through the sky, light pouring out of Sans' window into his dark surroundings. Sans had chosen a house on the cusp where the neighboorhood greeted the forest, the mix of trees and houses evident. It was a nice little place to simply settle down and enjoy the once peaceful night, but that idea was shattered with the scream.

Not much seemed to be happening outside. Trees fluttered with the wind, the houses around him dark and bare, no lights on. Except for one, diagonally across the street from him. Not very far away, but still at a slight angle where Sans could see out of his window into their own.

Their window, too, was open, and Sans could hear a sound of thudding coming from them. Yeah, that was probably where the scream had come from. The house was close enough to provide the scream it's loud shriek, but not right next to him to cause it to be overbearing.

That's when someone else had walked into view.

A man, maybe in his twenties, stepped into view of the window. His attention seemed to be diverted from Sans, not looking out the window as he continued forward past the window. His outfit seemed to be dark and bare, with a dark brown hoodie with a dark blue hood pulled over his head, soft brown hair sticking out from under his hood. A tint of orange could be seen when he walked past from his face area, it shining when the light he walked past met it directly. Probably some type of orange glasses or something on his face.

Then Sans noticed the blood.

It was bright red, droplets staining his shoulder with a more larger gush of blood on his chest. There was no signs of tears of injury on the man as he walked past, and the scream had been from a girl...

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Did Sans just witness a murder?

The thought made him uneasy, the skeleton leaning back into the couch with a hint of discomfort. He wanted to deny the thought, but he doubted he'd be able to come up with any good excuses. The guy just... he was right over there.

If he looked over...

Sans withdrew more from the window, his movements slow and hesitant. Yeah, that sure did look like a murder. And if the guy looked over, he would see him. The house wasn't too far away, which meant that he would probably try to come over and dispose of the witness. Which was Sans.

Okay. If Sans managed to retreat back into the house, he could close the window, turn off the lights, and call Undyne and the Royal Guard, or the police. If the guy kept walking, Sans could do all of that and show no signs he ever saw the bloody man. It was a good plan-

Of course the microwave had to go off at that exact time.

D*mn it.

That was the funny thing about his microwave. It was loud and blaring, something was wrong with the noise box, somehow the volume was stuck permanently at the highest setting. And so, the machine practically screamed from the kitchen, making Sans freeze when he realized if his neighbor could hear it, then so could this guy.

His reaction was swift.

The man turned quickly, head jerking to the side before he was staring directly at the open window and thus, at Sans. They both were completely still for a moment, eye contact locking as they stared in silence while his microwave continued to blare behind him, as if warning him of the impending doom.

You know, he really should get that microwave fixed.

It was right when the final beep sounded when the man started moving, breaking the eye contact as he ran towards the window of the neighbors house. That broke Sans from his statue imitation before he was pulling back from the couch, quickly grabbing his phone from the arm rest. He backed away quickly, magic sparking in his left hand and eye socket as he thought of possible escape routes.

Front door? No, that was facing the house, it'd only lead him closer. Hiding was out of the option, the guy already saw him and would probably search the house. Back door was a good idea.

Sans' soft pink slippers scurried through the living room into his kitchen, his right hand outstretched as he clicked the 5 second button on the microwave as he passed by it. The object hummed back to life one again, the timer counting down to the next loud session of noise. Sans could briefly hear the front door thud open before the microwave was blaring its song once more, giving a loud distraction to cover his own escape out of the back door, letting it thud shut behind him.

Know what, this was fine. Sans just happened to be chased by a killer, a human one at that.

He couldn't teleport all the way to anyone else's house, it was too far for his magic. And if he used up all of his magic just getting halfway there, then he would have to walk the rest of the way with no magic to defend himself. He could always fight back against the guy, but honestly... that was too much work. He's rather just dodge and run.

"Hey, 'dyne," Sans said when he had called her, legs carrying him into the woods away from his house. "So, I sort of saw a murder..."

" _What_? _Wait, are you serious?_ " Undyne's voice demanded through the phone.

"Yeah, there was a scream and there was a human covered in blood. Don't worry, it wasn't in vein, but at least he's not a cereal killer because I didn't see any cheerios." Sans looked back, eye sockets widening when he saw the man opening the back door. "Anywho, so, he's kind of chasing me..."

The man made frantic body jerks when he looked around, orange goggles analyzing his surroundings for the witness. Sans teleported himself up into a tree, staring down at the murderer from a branch.

He wasn't really sure what to do. Sans could fight the guy, but he didn't really want to. Honestly, that neighbor had been somewhat of a jerk towards monsters anyway, so it wasn't like Sans cared that she was killed. Sans could run or teleport away, but where would he go? Everyone else lived a little distance away.

"Wait, p-please!" The mans voice called out, looking around. "C-C-Come back!

Come back? That was his strategy to get rid of the witness? To call out and hope he came back?

Sans shifted on the tree branch, crouching down as he watched. If he just chilled up here, then he wouldn't have to worry about the guy finding him. It was a good place to hideout, it worked well with Paps when they played hide and seek. No one ever looked up for people.

" _Sans? Are you still there_?" Undyne's voice suddenly cut through the phone sharply.

"Sh!" Sans hissed into the phone.

The world seemed to be against his side that night, so naturally the killer had heard it. He looked up, gazing around before he caught sight of Sans. At this point, Sans should have a bright neon sign above his head that said ' _Easily stabbable skeleton right here!_ '.

"Um... chirp?" Sans asked awkwardly.

"H-How did you...?" The man asked.

"I'm a bird, obviously," Sans said, "So, if you want to turn around and just walk away, that'd be great."

" _We're on our way Sans!_ " Undyne said.

"Undyne, honestly you're kind of screwing me by screaming into the phone."

Sans pulled the phone away from his face as he hung up, looking down at the guy.

At least they had some good distance now. It was dark out, Sans was in a tree, and it would be hard to climb, especially with the few branches. It helped that Sans was swift on his feet, too, so even if the guy did climb up there, Sans could just hop a few branches away.

"So uh, I'm up here and you're down there," Sans told the guy, "And you have to carry around that ax, so I'm ax-ing you to cut it out and make like a tree and leaf before the police get here. You ain't going to climb up this tree fast enough with that."

"It's a h-h-h-hatchet, a-actually," The man said, holding up the weapon.

"Well, correction then, hatchet," Sans said, "But I'm a bird now, so if you want to turn around and leave, that'd be rather fantastic."

"Um, I'm not s-s-supposed to leave any witnesses around," He said, "Y-You could tell the police. Y-You a-a-already called t-them."

"I mean, I don't know your name, or what you look like, so you don't have to kill me."

"M-My name is Toby, then."

"Why would you _tell_ me that?"

There was a pause as Toby realized his mistake, jerking his head back up at the branch. "F-F*ck! Now I really can't let you go!"

Sans snorted, covering his teeth with his hand. Was this guy serious? At least Frisk was more confident then this guy when she killed, and she was a kid!

"Dude, I feel bad for you," Sans said, "But here, my name's Sans, to even out the playing field. So if you have to come back and hunt down the witness, look for Sans the skeleton. I'll probably just climb up another tree, but still."

"I can't leave a-a-any witnesses behind, though," Toby had said, muscles jerking.

"But I can't die, I have to finish watching the Office," Sans said.

"W-Wait, you've never w-w-watched the Office?" Toby asked him loudly.

"Monsters have been trapped underground, all we had to watch was Mettaton," Sans explained, "So I've been trying to binge it. Which I was planning on doing before you decided to kill my neighbor, but she was a b*tch anyway, so I guess I can excuse that one."

"You w-w-were going to watch the Office on Valentines Day alone?"

"Don't judge me, you killed someone on Valentines Day. Was she a long ex lover or something? Because you have a bad choice in women if you dated Karen of all people."

"No, I-I'd never touch that with a ten f-f-f-foot pole. I'm gay anyway."

"Oh, nice. Me too. You know, as gay brothern, you should allow for me to live."

"I could l-l-l-let you live, but we d-don't know if you'd s-s-sell us out or not."

"Well-"

Sans had went to adjust himself on the branch, causing for him to lose his footing and to slip from where he had been crouched.

"W-Wait-"

"F*ck-!"

What an odd situation to find himself inside of.

When Sans had slipped, he had ended up falling out of the tree above Toby with a shout of profanity. Toby's hatchet had collided with the ground before he managed to catch Sans before he hit the ground.

"Okay, now we should talk more about why you shouldn't kill me," Sans said from his arms.

The two jerked their heads towards the distant sound of sirens, realizing that the help Sans had called for was finally arriving.

"Okay, w-w-we got to go!"

" _We_?"

"You're a w-w-witness and I-I'm not supposed to let any witnesses roam about!"

"Yeah, except that I don't want to," Sans said.

Toby clung the wiggling Sans to his chest before he grabbed his hatchet, twisting the weapon around so it pressed against Sans' side. Sans froze when he felt the blade, looking up at the killer with narrowed eye sockets.

"Really?"

"W-We can go watch the O-O-Office at my place, but right now we have to r-r-run from the cops."

And so Toby turned towards the woods, quickly sprinting into the treeline just as the car arrived at Sans' house.


	9. Tinfoil Addiction

Addy was the sweetest child Sans ever had, but sometimes...

She did get a bit derailed.

Sans was ecstatic when he learned he was pregnant with Jack's child, Jack was too. The cannibal had picked up Sans and twirled him around that day, exclaiming how they were going to start a family with their beautiful baby girl together. Addy was happy too, her soul humming in his chest while they talked about their plans. His little girl loved the their family, he could feel it. She loved him just as much as they loved her.

One funny thing about soul birth was that they were just sorta... born. They were on a car ride home when suddenly Sans was holding a baby skeleton girl in his arms, screaming at Jack that they just had a baby. There was no need for a hospital visit, but the birth had happened while Sans was _driving_ , so that was a little bit of a problem. Jack had to take hold of the wheel from the passenger's seat as Sans figured out what the heck to do with their child.

Nothing like giving birth while driving. Sans absolutely loved that joke and said it constantly, there was nothing Jack could do to stop him.

Addy was one of the cutest as a baby, she was the giggly type that would always reach up for affection from whoever was near her. She liked all of the Creepypasta, constantly wiggling her little arms for the closest person to take her out of her crib and give her lots of love. With those big eye lights of hers, who could deny her? Addy was just so freaking adorable she barely spent any time outside of her crib, always in someone's arms and cuddling away.

However, her constant need for affection also came at a cost. Most nights Sans and Jack were waking to find her whining from her crib for some hugs and attention. They would take shifts each night, them picking her up and holding her until the little child feel asleep. Unfortunately, it never lasted long, as she would wake up only five minutes later, begging for more attention. Dear Toby Fox did Sans love her to death, but it was torture. Sometimes he would get desperate for sleep and ended up just climbing into the crib with her and holding her until they both fell asleep.

Jack had a picture of Sans and Addy both sleeping in the crib.

Curse his shortness.

Oh, but one thing Addy did love was tinfoil. Jack was holding her while Sans had been making cookies, and he was using tinfoil. The sudden wrinkling had made Addy suddenly perk up and giggle loudly, reading out her hands towards the reflective and shiny material.

"Geh-guh!" Addy had said, her tiny little fingers wiggling towards the tinfoil.

That was their secret trick to make sure that Addy wouldn't cry for attention. The moment they would be busy and couldn't be with Addy, they would just set down an entire roll of tinfoil next to her inside of her crib or stroller and just let her go to town with it. It wasn't like she could hurt herself with it, she was a skeleton after all. Addy didn't really like to chew on things either, so she would just crinkle it and giggle to herself. It somehow entertained the little girl for hours, she stared so intensely at it as she played with it Sans was asking Jack if cannibals like himself liked shiny things, which he denied. Addy was just a baby and really liked tinfoil for whatever reason.

Oh, yeah, and she was a cannibal too.

They had learned it the first night after the car birthing incident, that she was like Jack. Sans felt bad for feeding her the normal baby food when she had thrown it up, crying loudly and reaching out for Sans to comfort her. He had hurt his little baby girl, Sans had been a wreck that night, constantly apologizing to her as he pulled out a liver for her to eat instead. She hadn't been born with sharp teeth needed to pull apart organs, he just assumed! That night he had rocked her on the couch for hours while making sure she ate her organ bits that he had cut down for her to chew. Jack had told Sans it was alright, but the skeleton was a mess. At least he had the organ as a backup, but he didn't expect feeding her normal baby food to make her vomit and start crying instantly.

So, organs was her diet as she grew up. To feed her, Sans or Jack would cut up a freshly taken organ and feed it to her in little bites. She was a skeleton, so she had her teeth already, there was no need to mush it. It was why Sans couldn't feed her in public, instead hiding out in home while he would hold her or sit her at her table seat, making airplane noises as he slowly fed his precious little girl her dinner. It would quickly be interrupted by Jeff and Ben recreating a plane crash, so they never got to feed her.

But either way, Sans loved his little baby girl.


	10. Baby with Shark Teeth

Bean probably had to be the most interestingly... bite-y child to raise.

Laughing Jack wasn't exactly human, so Sans wasn't really sure what to expect. It wasn't like Laughing was a part of another species like Slender had been, so they both had no idea how raising a child from him would go. When Sans had become pregnant with his child, the tall clown admitted to having no idea how a child would turn out. The soul seemed normal enough, Sans and Laughing Jack watching it carefully to make sure it didn't explode candy or anything.

But Sans did wake up with candy. Every morning since he got pregnant, he would wake up to find some candy in his bed. Sometimes it would be tangled inside of his ribcage, other times it would be sticking out of his mouth like he had been sleep eating. One time he woke up and only saw wrappers, sitting up to discover that his entire body had been covered from head to toe in just candy. Laughing Jack wasn't the culprit to this, so that meant that their child's magic was acting up before she was born. It wasn't abnormal for that to happen, but it happened a bit too much.

Candy started appearing everywhere Sans went while he was holding her soul. He would just be walking down the hall before suddenly he was holding a candy cane, or he was making breakfast when out of nowhere skittles rained down from the sky and fell into the omelets he was cooking. Smile Dog had been able to track Sans down in the house just by following the trail of candy, it was starting to get out of hand.

Thankfully, her birth was normal, Bean just being born while they had been watching T.V. The unusual aspect of her birth was just that she was born eating a lollipop, crunching down on the sugary substance with her razor sharp teeth.

Baby Bean was difficult to understand. She never cried or giggled, she would just stare. That's all she ever did, stare at anyone nearby with wide eye sockets and a large, sharp grin. There was no crying or whining, if she didn't like something, she would just smack it away with one of her rare frowns. And if whatever it was came by her body again, she would just bite it and _cling_ to it. That's how they learned she didn't like baby food, when Laughing Jack had unhappily fed her (he didn't like feeding her healthy either, he just wanted her to eat candy like he did, but Sans wanted to stay healthy until they were sure exactly how much she was like the clown). One moment Laughing had been holding out the spoon for her, his child smacking it away while frowning at him. He tried approaching with the carrot mush again, and Bean had opened her mouth towards his hand, so both Sans and him assumed that she was accepting the food.

But what happened next was just...

Sans thought it was amazing, to be honest.

The little baby had launched herself at her father's arm and dug her razor sharp teeth into his flesh. There was nothing quite like the experience of watching a little baby throw themselves out of their seat and latching onto an arm with their teeth alone with the determination of Frisk on the genocide route. Since Jack couldn't exactly feel pain, he wasn't really hurt from her teeth, but the little girl wouldn't let go, either. Sans quickly came over to help lift her off, but Bean's tiny little hands tugged on her father's sleeve and her teeth remained buried into his arm. They tried prying her off, pulling her off, heck, they even tried Sans pulling in of direction and Laughing Jack pulling in another, but Bean remained put. It was freaking funny when Sans had let go to see Bean just dangling from Laughings arm by her teeth alone. Their solution to this was for Sans to grab one of the many candies from around the house and hold it out for Bean to detach from the clown's arm and instead chew on the twizzler.

So, safe to say that Bean just ended up eating candy for every meal. Sans kept a close look on her health, but she seemed fine. Sugar had no effect on her, Bean was like her CreepyPasta father, she could eat anything without being affected. That allowed for them to avoid her biting them for every meal, instead choosing to simply give her candy. Bean didn't just bite Laughing Jack over dinner, she had bitten other people for various other reasons. Sans was the only adult that remained attacked by his child at the level she had bitten others. While Jeff had backed away with a bite mark on his arm, Bean would just nibble at Sans's fingers or arm, she knew her skeleton father was more frail, so thankfully the baby had held back. Laughing Jack and Bean, on the other hand, seemed to develop some sort of competition, as he would sometimes bite her arm after she bit his arm.

It wasn't just other people, Bean liked to bite herself as well. She would always chew on her hands or feet, or sometimes on whatever toy was nearest. This was how Sans found out he was her favorite, as she had chewed through the bars on her crib after he had left because she wanted up from Sans. No crib was safe from her little teeth, they had given up buying new ones after the seventh one. They had even tried making a crib out of metal, but even then Sans found her on the floor next to it, wiggling and grinning up at him as if she didn't just chew through iron. 

That was just one of the few... aspects of her.

Unfortunately, in addition to teeth that could rival with sharks, she had received her parents abilities to warp through space and appear somewhere else. The child knew exactly how to control it, too, as she would purposely teleport to random locations up high and watch with that darn grin of hers as Sans would run around looking for her. There was no way to express how frustrated he was when he looked up and found his baby sitting on the ceiling fan and looking down at him, fully knowing how much he was freaking out.

Bean got a lot from her CreepyPasta parent. A lot.

Her teleporting was how Sans was able to definitely tell that he was her favorite. If he wasn't with her, Bean would manage to somehow track down his location and teleport directly into his arms to be held. She liked being held, just like Addy, but she went by an entirely different way to get it. Instead of whining for what she wanted, she would just take it. And she took it at the most inconvenient times as well, like when Sans was in the grocery store and shopping.

Okay, that time it was entirely acceptable from the cashiers face. One moment the poor man had turned to swipe a loaf of bread and put it into the grocery bag, the next he was turning to find that the skeleton that didn't have a baby before was suddenly holding one in the span of two seconds. No stroller, no baby seat, nothing. Just suddenly a baby.

That time it was hilarious. The guys face was utterly worth it.

Other times, however, it wasn't as funny. Sometimes it had been while Sans was showering, other times he had woken up to suddenly find himself holding his child, who was biting his mandible. It didn't help in the slightest that Bean liked to watch them sleep at night, because sometimes he would wake up to find her across the room on a shelf or something, just _watching_. Watching with that large grin she always had, making Sans sigh and go grab her so she could go to bed.

Sometimes Bean would just disappear to who knows where, appearing hours later like nothing had happened. This happened a few times before Laughing Jack managed to find out that she was able to access her out little pocket universe, just like his own. It was also how they found out that she was more like Laughing Jack than they realized, as she had a small handbag that worked to summon her just as Laughing Jack's box summoned him. That's how Sans managed to keep track of his baby at that point, using the bag as a means to hunt her down whenever she disappeared. It also explained how she kept getting candy constantly, as she had the same powers as Laughing Jack did. It didn't look like she had Sans's powers yet, but they were being careful in case she suddenly pulled out a Gaster Blaster and decided to get revenge for the baby food.

Bean certainly kept them on their toes, that was for sure.


	11. Test Time

Now, Sans's children couldn't exactly go to normal schools for a number of reasons. Bean would bite anyone and attack people, Addy needed to eat people, Silky didn't really need to learn, and Cole liked to stab people. He got it from his Mother.

So Sans decided to teach them home schooled style.

Slender was pretty helpful in teaching, and they sometimes would take videos from the internet to help teach. They would also sometimes take homeworks and tests from teachers online to use. But every once in awhile, Sans would sometimes make their tests.

Oh, the first time he did was amazing. It truly was.

They had no idea what was coming. Addy was excited to take the test, Bean was eating some milk duds, and Cole didn't really want to take it. Addy was the one person who liked learning, Cole was the type that'd rather go throw around a football. Bean was the neutral ground of the group.

Usually, he and Slender would come up with personalized tests for the specific people. If Addy was struggling in math but excelling at english, they would take a more math aimed test. They often would slip in 'cool down' questions for Cole in his tests because he couldn't take an entire test without getting antsy. The problems usually ranged to 'Write and explain your favorite sport' to 'draw a soccer ball flying into the sun'. The cool down questions really helped Cole focus more because of the breaks he got. If he got too many questions in a row, he would start getting stressed and he would start mixing up answers. He was a smart boy, but too many questions made him stress out. The breaks really helped.

Oh, but this test wasn't created to help. In fact, it was the opposite. No break questions, nothing. Just a twenty page test.

With all of the answers B.

Every single answer was B. Sans laughed the entire time as he typed it up, and he barely could hold back his grin when he handed it out to them.

"You guys know the rules, eyes or eye sockets on your own papers and no leaving until you're done, _Cole_." Sans shot his son a look.

"The review sheet just happened to be in the bathroom," Cole said, holding up his hands.

"Yeah, well, no cheating," Sans said, sitting down at his chair in the front of the room. "You guys can start now."

And just like that, the chaos begun.

Bean was the first to notice. She was eating a jellybean when she looked up, confusion settling on her face before she looked back down at her quiz. This happened a few times, Bean looking up at Sans and down on her test. She flipped back to the first page and looked over that, pencil tapping angrily against the table.

"Uh-" She said.

"Hey, no talking, it's a quiz," Sans told her.

Oh, this was evil. Bean ran her hands through her hair as she did the next question, emotions flashing across her face. She started chewing on the tip of her pencil, obviously confused and upset at the series of all of the answers being the exact same. Sans had to rest his teeth against his hands in a natural way to hide his smile.

Cole was the next to notice, but he caught on immediately to what Sans had done. He looked up, glaring at Sans as he realized that all of the questions were the same answers. Sans could tell his son just wanted to fill in all of the questions, but Cole was hesitant about it. Sans might have slipped in one single question with a different answer.

And finally, little Addy noticed. It was the most obvious when she noticed. Whenever she would get distressed, her eye sockets would start to leak more. She had to lift her test away from under her to make sure she didn't get any of her black goo on it, staring at it with utter confusion. Addy looked around at everyone before frantically erasing her answers to restart.

And Cole was the first to speak anyway.

"Dad, what the f*ck?" He asked, gesturing to the paper.

"No talking during the test, and no cursing," Sans said.

"You rigged it! They're all the same answers!" Cole said.

"Did I?" Sans asked.

"Can you give us a hint for an answer or something?" Bean asked.

"One of the questions have the answer B."

Oh, yeah, his children hated him for the rest of the day. 


	12. Bedtime Story

Cole liked being read to as a child, it was the only thing that kept him down in bed instead of staying up and running around wild. He didn't like to go to sleep, but reading to him helped calm down the kid enough to keep him in bed. Sans often took this onto himself, but he let Cole choose the material he would be reading. The entire underground still had some leftover belongings of monsters, books being one of them. Most monsters left behind the stuff they didn't need and expected to find on the surface, entertainment being one of them. There was a lot of leftover movies, anime, comics, and books scattered about. That's why Sans would just let Cole scavage around in houses and find whatever he saw was interesting for Sans to read. It helped let Cole run around alone and have run while exploring in a safe way, and it also gave Cole some freedom over what was read to him.

Cole was always a little bit embarrassed by the idea of being read to. Always objecting to it, saying he was a 'big boy' and that he didn't need it, before returning to Sans before the night was over and awkwardly asking for a bedtime story.

That's why Sans adjusted it. Addy liked being read to additionally, so it was altered from 'reading to Cole' to 'reading to Addy, and Cole just so happens to be in the same room'. It worked enough to make Cole feel older, and both of his children bonded over being read to. The setup worked for everyone.

Until one night, when Cole had brought out a book he found in a Snowdin house. Fluffy Bunny, It was as old as ever, the cover almost mostly worn and the pages old, but it was still readable. Sans almost choked on his ketchup when he read it, but he couldn't just tell Cole no because he had memories with the book.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He wasn't in Snowdin, he was older and reading to someone else. It would be okay, right?

No, it wasn't.

As soon as Sans started reading the first line, he realized he wouldn't be able to make it. Memories of reading to Papyrus started flashing through his mind, years and years of reading this same book jabbing his soul with each word. He couldn't get Papyrus out of his head, the memories of his brothers betrayal making each word he spoke feel heavy. Sans was suddenly gasping for breath, his hands shaking the book he was holding as his body trembled.

"G-Goodnight," Sans choked out, standing up suddenly.

"Dad?" Cole asked, Addy looking at him with confusion.

"Love you guys," Sans managed to say before he was already out of the room, entire body trembling as he shut the door behind him.

It felt as if Sans blacked out, but the next thing he knew, he was next to the trashcan and shoving the book into it as far as he could go.

Sans couldn't even look at it anymore.


	13. Small Little Scenarios

Cole and Bean: Hey Dad can we go into town? We want to check out this new place.

Sans: Sure!

*in the car at the new building*

Sans: No stealing, no killing, don't make fun of old people, and I mean it Bean. No blowing up cars, no stealing walls or windows, no locking doors, no inducing panic...

*a minute later*

Sans: ... And no explosive kittens.

Bean: Fine *climbs out of car*

The two start to walk away, but Sans rolls down the window and gets their attention.

Sans: Don't even _think_ about it

~~~~~~

Sans: So...

He stood in front of his group of children, his arms propped up with a large hammer next to the T.V. if he swung, he would hit the screen in the middle.

Sans: Let's talk about who turned my favorite blue hoodie into ash

~~~~~~

Jane: *snatches skating board from Cole* you absolutely cannot use this, I'm not having you break your arm again!

Cole walks off grumbling to himself, before Sans stops him down the hallway.

Sans: I got a bunch of fireworks and Helen was being a little b*tch again. Wanna go help me shoot them at her vacation home?

~~~~~~

Laughing Jack and Bean, standing in front of a burning down school, look at one another.

Laughing Jack: Sans never learns about this

Bean: Agreed

Sans: *appearing behind them* So, whatcha guys doing?

~~~~~~

Sans is walking around the house, looking under furniture and behind paintings. He carried a box around, it filled to the brim with weapons. Sans reached under the couch and pulled out an entire rocket launcher, looking back at Bean.

Bean: *awkwardly, obviously guilty* Heh... how'd that get there?

Sans sighed and threw it onto the box with the other items.

Hewey, from the table on the other side of the room: There's a katana on the ceiling fan, too

Bean: *looks at Hewey* DON'T TELL HIM

~~~~~~

Sans, walking down a street in the middle of the night with his hood up: Alright so basically some sl*t decided to call my little boy a f*ggy gay and now we're going to go do some stuff tonight *pulls out gun*

~~~~~~

Sans walks into Cole's room, halfway through a sentence.

Cole sits there awkwardly, wearing lipstick and a large pink hat on his head at a small table, surrounded by stuffed animals. There's tea cups on the table.

Sans: You having tea without Sally and Addy?

Cole, with a red face: DAD GET OUT

Sans turns away and walks out, a big grin on his face as he closes the door behind him.

Cole: *turns to stuffed elephant next to him* Sorry Bun-Zun, he can be really annoying

Bean: *pops out from under the table, holding a tea cup* He really can be sometimes.

Addy: *also pops out from under the table* Guys can you help me the table leg is trapped between my leg bones


	14. Children Responses

**"I don't like you"**

Bean: What's like, what's you, what's me, WHAT ARE WE? *screeches*

Cole: SAY THAT TO MY FACE

Tondra: How cute your in denial

Hewey: I don't like me either

Wayne: *stares blankly*

Leonie: That's gay

Silky: That doesn't bother me

BoBo: That's a mean thing to say

Addy: *gets teared up*

~~~~~~

**How long can they hold a grudge?**

Bean: Time could end but she'd still be p*ssed

Cole: Don't bother apologizing without gifts

Tondra: Awhile, but awkwardly tries to ignore it with jokes

Hewey: A few years at the least

Wayne: He can hold out for a few years

Leonie: A few weeks, maybe a few months

Silky: Forever. She will remember it for the rest of eternity.

BoBo: Actually physically cannot get mad

Addy: 1 hour and she's apologizing to you

~~~~~~

***if they all could get drunk***

Happy drunk: BoBo, Addy

Flirty drunk: Tondra, Hewey

Angry drunk: Bean, Cole,

Emotional drunk: Leonie, Wayne,

Is so drunk that they got left in the bushes and no one noticed them: Silky

~~~~~~

***finds out that someone has a crush on them***

Bean: Haha k

Cole: *nervously walks into a wall*

Tondra: How come it couldn't have been someone hot?

Hewey: I'd rather die

Wayne: Well this is awkward

Leonie: Wut now

Silky: Stop that

BoBo: That's so romantic!

Addy: Aw that's so sweet!

~~~~~~

***Personalities***

Best liars: Leonie, Tondra

Most mischievous: Bean, Cole, Addy

Most manipulative: BoBo, Wayne,

Best mastermind: Silky, Hewey

~~~~~~

***If they were in romantic relationship***

Bean: Would probably watch them sleep

Cole: Awkwardly would do everything because he can't function when he likes someone

Tondra: Try to make them laugh

Hewey: The most romantic thing he would do is just not insult them

Wayne: Would have to google how to be romantic every 5 seconds

Leonie: Probably just steal their wifi

Silky: Already would have all of their dates, proposal, wedding plans, and children planned out

BoBo: Shower them in affection just constantly

Addy: Holds hands by just touching tips of fingers

~~~~~~

***If they saw a fight***

Bean: Would absolutely join the fight

Cole: Is in the fight

Tondra: Is also probably in the fight

Hewey: Keeps rolling past, stops if good

Wayne: Records the fight

Leonie: Wouldn't notice since she was on her phone

Silky: Would stop the fight and because it was annoying

BoBo: Would stop the fight and have them talk it out

Addy: Call her Dad for help

~~~~~~

***The children in a horror movie***

Bean: Is probably the killer behind the mask

Cole: Is the jock who dies first

Tondra: Runs past the front door and up the stairs, also the drunk one

Hewey: Is the one who lives until the end

Wayne: Comes home to find everyone dead

Leonie: The one who doesn't notice the killer standing behind them the entire time

Silky: The one who figures out who the killer is

BoBo: Sacrifices himself

Addy: Says to calm down then freaks out herself

~~~~~~

***At a party***

Bean: Messes with the drunk people

Cole: Is the one passed out drunk

Tondra: Drinks all of the alcohol

Hewey: Just rolls into the middle of the dancefloor and sits there in his wheelchair to screw with people

Wayne: Hijacks DJ booth to play his own music

Leonie: Made an excuse to not come

Silky: Would lecture everyone about not drinking

BoBo: Socializing with everyone

Addy: In the corner

~~~~~~

**Things they laugh at**

Bean: People falling because she pushed them

Cole: His own grades

Tondra: Puns

Hewey: Someone doing something stupid

Wayne: Intelligent jokes

Leonie: Memes

Silky: Has never been heard laughing, never will be

BoBo: Anything remotely funny

Addy: Funny faces

~~~~~~

**Their last words**

Bean: lol bye *dies*

Cole: Crap wait I have to- *dies*

Tondra: *says some cliche line from a movie*

Hewey: I can't wait to be reborn and STILL be in a wheelchair *dies*

Wayne: Someone ate my cheesecake, can you tell me who *dies*

Leonie: Wait... no... I have to post this meme *dies before she can post it*

Silky: Hold. on... your tie is crooked*dies*

BoBo: *Is frantically still giving away gay pins before he dies*

Addy: Tell my pupper I love him *dies*

~~~~~~

**The kids on their birthdays**

Bean: "YOU FOOLS, PEASANTS, THIS IS THE DAY ANTI-CHRIST WAS BORN"

Cole: Eating his entire cake with his bare hands

Tondra: Just reading all of her cards

Hewey: Blows out candles and wishes for death on those who have wronged him

Wayne: Pretends like it's no big deal but really enjoys it

Leonie: Has everyone send her gifts but doesn't throw a party

Silky: Is still doing chores

BoBo: Preparing for someone else's birthday

Addy: Embarrassed the whole time

~~~~~~

**Good careers for the children**

Bean: Some assassin or serial killer

Cole: A physical trainer

Tondra: A stand up comedian

Hewey: Some type of editor/critic

Wayne: An editor for films, camera man

Leonie: Artist/Writer

Silky: Any sort of leadership skill, probably president

BoBo: Therapist or a motivational speaker

Addy: Librarian

~~~~~~

**The children at a concert**

Bean: Makes a small booth in the middle of the audience to sell hot dogs and hot cats

Cole: Gets into a fist fight with some other guy

Tondra: Tries to climb onstage

Hewey: Somehow manages to find himself crowd surfing

Wayne: Sings the songs wrong

Leonie: Plays different music in her head phones

Silky: Is trying to get Tondra off the stage

BoBo: Makes friends with everyone in the queue

Addy: Rocks her head to the songs

~~~~~~

**The children entering a new house for the first time**

Bean: Immediately makes herself at home

Cole: Steals like half of their stuff

Tondra: Searches for parents drugs

Hewey: Comments on the interior design

Wayne: Falls asleep on their couch

Leonie: Claims their T.V

Silky: Cleans their house

BoBo: Compliments everything

Addy: Looks for nearest window to throw herself out of


	15. Jeff Stops Sans (deleted scene)

Jeff knew Sans didn't value his life.

It was clear the moment they met. After all, he never found a victim who offered him a sandwich. Sans didn't care if he lived or died, heck, he even invited Jeff in again. And of course Jeff wasn't stupid, he saw the cuts up Sans' sleeve. Though he never bothered to bring them up, he knew this was going on behind the scenes.

What Jeff didn't expect was to walk in on it.

The sight of blood was nothing new, of course, Jeff lived with it for over three years, he was very accustomed to it. But it had been a long time to see blood on someone he grew to like. Sans was a pretty cool guy, and it was baffling how his friends could ditch him like this.

So, it was an unusual feeling to see someone he cared about covered in their own blood. A feeling he couldn't describe. Jeff wasn't exactly sure how he felt, which was odd, because he was usually good at pinpointing how he felt. But this feeling was indescribable, one lost to him with each person he had murdered.

Thankfully, Sans had the foresight to have a medical kit nearby. Jeff wasted no words as he peeled open the box, the short skeleton watching with a look mixed between discomfort and exhaustion. At least he sat back on the toilet and eased his arms out when Jeff prompted him too.

The silence was something Jeff grew accustomed to over the years, yet it too had a different meaning that particular night. It felt off. Before, the sight of blood and silence would have likely meant a good, well spent evening. Now, it just felt _wrong_.

"How do you know to wrap up cuts so well?"

Sans sounded like he did the first night they met. His voice was weak, but there was a new tint of general confusion and compassion to create a new tone.

Jeff was curt. "I have enemies."

"The police use guns," Sans replied, looking up with tired eye sockets. "I thought they were your enemies."

"There's other CreepyPasta, like me," Jeff explained, gently wrapping the bandages around his friends arm. "And not all of us see eye to eye on things."

"I feel like no one does anymore, not in this world," Sans muttered, looking to the side.

"I mean, you can't. You got no eyes."

Sans jerked his gaze back to Jeff, small smile spreading ever so gently across his usually tired features. "Did you just...?"

"Heck yeah," Jeff snorted, "You say those jokes a lot, I gotta get in on that humor."

"It is limited edition humor, Sans style only," Sans replied.

"Duh, that's why I come here. I need my Sans humor in my day to day life."

Although they had fallen silent again, it was a more comfortable silence now. Jeff took a small glance at the skeletons face, looking at the adult with a small smile.

Sans looked happier now.

That's good.


	16. AU Sans And CreepyPasta

Underfell Sans

Sans: Laughing Jack, put him down

Laughing Jack: *holding a struggling and biting underfell Sans* But he's so adorable!

Underfell Sans: I'LL F*CKING KILL YOU DARN LIMP HIPPY QUEER JACKA*S OF A CLOWN *lands a punch on Laughing Jacks face*

Laughing Jack: Isn't he so adorable?

Sans: ...Okay, now I see how you Creepypasta somehow fell in love with me, your sense of love is also f*cked up

~~~~~~

Poketale Sans

Poketale Sans: Yes, it's called a cubone. It's a pokemon

Bean: *lifting it up to her face* It's so adorable!

Poketale Sans: I guess so, yeah

Bean: *opening her sharp teeth* so cute I could just **_gobble him up_**

Poketale Sans: *sweating* please give my pokemon back

~~~~~~

Dream Sans

Dream: Yes, I'm over 100 years old

Slenderman: And yet you look like... that

Dream: well you're over a thousand and you look like that, what's your excuse?

~~~~~~

Nightmare Sans

Nightmare: I feed off of negative emotions

Ben: Well stop by the underground sometime, it's going to be a f*cking feast with CreepyPasta emotions

~~~~~~

Swaptale Sans

Underswap Sans: *crouching in front of Sally* Aw, you're so cute!

Sally: *blood starts to drip down from her forehead* **_Wanna play a game_**

Underswap Sans: *in the corner with a cross pointed towards her*

~~~~~~

Dusttale Sans

Dusttale Sans: *just sitting at the table, smiling, saying nothing*

Jeff: *climbing out of his chair* yeah I'd rather take Jane over this

Dusttale Sans: I killed everyone underground

Jeff: *sitting back down* actually now I'm interested, please continue

~~~~~~

Altertale Sans

Ben: So you hate your Papyrus too?

Altertale Sans: Yes, but for different reasons than your Sans does-

Ben: One of us, one of us

Jeff: *behind AlterTale Sans, pulling a bloody necklace over his head* One of us, one of us

~~~~~~

Reapertale Sans

BoBo: Your weapon is so adorable! Do you want a sticker?

Reapertale Sans: Kid I've killed thousands, I'm literally death from my universe and if you touch me you'll die, don't-

BoBo: *puts a sticker on him*

Reapertale Sans: How are you not dead?

BoBo: Sticker power!

~~~~~~

Sixbones Sans/Papyrus

Eyeless Jack: Ah, yes, another abomination. We already have me, so we're covered

~~~~~~

Killertale Sans

Jane: You're just our Sans with Addys eye sockets and with a target on his chest

Killer Sans: I killed everyone underground

Jane: *points back to Dust Sans* So did he, now go away and let me hang out with my real husband before I start target practice with your soul

~~~~~~

Aftertale Sans

Aftertale Sans: *crying while hugging Papyrus*

Sans: Yeah you can take him

~~~~~~

Errortale Sans

Leonie: *plugs in phone charger into him* epic it works

Error Sans: I-I'VE KILLED HUNDREDS

Leonie: Yeah, so did I, now shut up I'm playing a game

Error Sans: *leaning over to look at the phone* there's 4 red b-blocks on the right, if you click them you'll g-get a combo

~~~~~~

Inktale Sans

Ink Sans: I love drawing and painting!

Bloody Painter: Oh, me too! What kind of blood do you use to paint?

Ink Sans: What now

~~~~~~

Possessed Sans

Possession Flowey: You should try to possess his body, it's really fun!

Flowey: *looks at his Sans*

Sans: If you even _think_ about it

~~~~~~

Freshtale Sans

Fresh Sans: Yo whats up my diggady dogs?

Silky: *slowly pulling out a knife* Disgusting...

~~~~~~

Lusttale Sans

Lust Sans: How about me and you get down and dirty?

Offender: FINALLY YES YES *starts taking off shirt*

Hewey: Guys I'm here too- and I guess I won't be for long holy f*ck not on my bed please

~~~~~~

Echotale Sans

Echo: *just walks into the room*

Cole: Can you replace my Mom so I can just have two really cool Dads?

Jane: *from the other room* LIKE THE F*CK YOU WILL

~~~~~~

HorrorTale Sans

Addy: *showing Horror Sans how to make an organ milkshake*

Horror Sans: *nodding while writing everything down*


	17. A Deal To A Clown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so here's the explanation to this. I had originally planned to write some separate side stories of Sans x CreepyPasta, and this one was supposed to be focused on Laughing Jack x Sans. However, I then realized I don't want Sans to date a Creepypasta because he was kidnapped, I don't want any relationship of theirs to be forced or whatever. The whole point of the ship is that both sides are willing to try and date someone different not because they're forced, but because they actually care for one another. That's why I quickly dropped this idea because I don't want them to kidnap Sans, but have him willingly fall in love without any force behind it. So this story was dropped, because I don't want their romance to be that type. Their romance is basically the point that the Creepypasta are all insane killers, and Sans is so chill that he doesn't care and he's just so unfazed it's funny. That's why I don't really like this story and I have no plans to continue it, because I don't want this ship to be like this. I wrote the first two chapters a long time ago though, so you guys can have this two shot.
> 
> This is not how ships should work, I wrote this towards the end of the first book and it's just been sitting for that long time, I figured I might as well put it here so you guys can at least read the writing. I do love writing creepy Laughing Jack though. Especially when he's really insane and everyone else is just freaked out while Sans is sitting there like "haha yup babe" while just not fazed by him at all. 
> 
> I need more of that, gosh do I love it.

**Description :**

It wasn't like there were many places for the monsters to hide.

Hidden underground, no, trapped underground, they were easily killable. If one small human had a knife and a little determination, they could likely end the entire monster race. All they would have to do is find the monsters safe bunkers and infiltrate them one by one until all that remained was dust.

However, instead, this didn't happen. Whatever suddenly appeared underground wasn't human; whatever that thing was, it was more dangerous. It couldn't be killed, and it's attack was too strong. That beast could kill all of the monsters easily, too easily.

But maybe, if Asgore played his cards right... he could make a deal.

~~~~~~

"A deal?"

Black lips pulled back into a large smile, white eyes practically piercing Asgore's form as the King asked that question.

"Yes." The raspy voice sounded, sharp teeth revealing as he spoke. "I'll leave you silly monsters behind to live your rotten, useless lives. If you give me just one _little_ thing."

Asgore knew he shouldn't ask. He should deny the clown, turn him away. Fight for his fallen people. His throat clenched at the thought of himself ending up like that one monster. "What... what is it?"

** Chapter 1 **

Asgore felt like a liar.

He betrayed all monsters. Watching the helpless couple in front of him, King Asgore could do nothing but blink back tears. The promise he had made to them had been shattered, the King couldn't protect his subjects.

It hadn't always been this way. Before, the underground had been a place of life. Bustling activity from eager monsters, all happily roaming about their day to day lives. Being trapped underground did nothing to cease their hope, the monsters naturally trying to stay positive. Homes were made, families were built. Even though humans had sealed them underground, it was okay. Not the best situation, but monsters were ready for any challenges.

Maybe not this challenge, however. This one was unexpected.

It wasn't a slow buildup, oh no. One morning, out of nowhere, concerned family members were running down the streets, frantically calling the understaffed Royal Guard. In one night alone, twenty seven dust piles had been found. Mostly containing children, with a few pieces of candy placed carefully onto the piles. Every pile contained candy, as if mocking the family members.

The next night, there was almost the doubled amount of dust piles. Again, containing mostly children. Grieving parents started to fill the underground, monsters starting to lose hope and retreat the rest of their children inside.

The third night was the worst. An entire town in Waterfall was found dead, all of them. Women, men, children, elderly, everyone. But _one_.

That single survivor had made Asgore almost throw up looking at them. They had managed to survive with a fragment of H.P left, using a small ounce of determination from somewhere within their soul to cling dearly to life. The monster in question had been a larger built one, with a large stomach. Finding them had shown just how all of the other victims were killed.

The monsters stomach had been ripped open, their organs pulled out into a pile next to them. Candy was shoved into their stomach cavity, large scratch marks covering their face as the person sobbed and screamed uncontrollably from the pain. It wasn't long after Asgore found them that they finally dusted. The responsible party for these killings was obvious some sort of serial killer obsessed with candy,

Alphys came back with results that day, having traced the properties of the candy and analyzed them. Homemade sweets, each unlabeled wrapper containing different candies.

All laced with poison.

One piece of candy would have any monster with a more physical form drop dead in an hour at the most. Asgore had made an official announcement for anyone would could be affected by any toxic substances stay away from any type of candy.

It didn't help. Every morning, dust piles were found. At this rate, the monster population would be dead within a few weeks. It wasn't as if the Royal Guard hadn't found the suspect. They had, encountering the killer multiple times.

However, the stories they told Asgore shook him to his core. A tall, terrifying black and white clown with claws and teeth, as they described him. One that wasn't affected by their magic, one who just appeared out of nowhere and laughed at their attempts to kill him. The third time they encountered him, they had been all terrified, the monsters reporting back to Asgore with wide eyes and trembling bodies. The clown had ripped one of their Froggits in half with his bare hands, and when they had tried to attack, the attacks just flew through his body.

He was unkillable, and violent.

"Please, King Asgore," The couple in front of him had asked, faces stained with fresh tears. "Could you promise you'll save our child?"

Asgore knew the truth. There was no question, he couldn't. The promise would be a lie, Asgore didn't know how to stop this killing clown. No one did. The best they could do was try to retreat and pray.

"I promise that I will try everything I can to save the monsters," Asgore said to the couple.

The look Undyne gave him was one of truth. They both knew there wasn't much he could do.

Until, the clown had approached him.

It was more terrifying in real life. Rivaling Asgore's height, with a towering and lean figure. The man was obviously a clown, with a long sharp nose with black and white spirals spinning down the surface towards the end. Thick, black hair was ruffled and untamed on his head, with a monochrome clown outfit hugging his body. Black and white feathers stuck out randomly from his shoulders, along with black straps running down to his black overalls to hold them up. His sleeves were striped black and white, while his torso had on a grey shirt with white bandages wrapped around his gut. The clowns arms were abnormally long, extending down past his knees. It was unnatural, and wrong, just as his intense stare was.

"Hello there, Kingy," The clown had said, giggling with the last word.

Asgore took a step back, fear surging in his soul. "You're the one who's been killing everyone..."

"That's so funny!" The clown cackled, cheeks pulling back as his smile widened. "It's so funny that you think anyone else but me could do this! There's no where for monsters to go but further underground, isn't there?"

The fear was indescribable. Just looking at him made Asgore's gut churn with an utter sense of impending death, the dust lightly coating his shoulder feathers not helping in the slightest.

"What do you want?" Asgore tried to sound firm, but his voice shook.

"A deal," The clown giggled.

"A deal?"

Black lips pulled back into a large smile, white eyes practically piercing Asgore's form as the King asked that question.

"Yes." The raspy voice sounded, sharp teeth revealing as he spoke. "I'll leave you silly monsters behind to live your rotten, useless lives. If you give me just one _little_ thing."

Asgore knew he shouldn't ask. He should deny the clown, turn him away. Fight for his fallen people. His throat clenched at the thought of himself ending up like that one monster. "What... what is it?"

The options were already being considered before the clown already answered. If he wanted money, Asgore would give him the money. A place to stay? The souls to leave the underground? Whatever he could do to get this thing away from his people, Asgore would do.

"Who."

Another smile, another giggle. The yellow flowers in the throne room blew softly in the wind.

"Who?" Asgore asked.

"It's a who I want," The clown said, long claws dancing together as he played with his fingers, as if he was bored. "And I'll go away forever. Never to return."

It sounded too good of an offer to be true. Just give up his soul and have the clown leave forever? Asgore knew Undyne would be a good Queen, he already had planned for her to take over his rule if the clown managed to get to him.

"I'll give up my soul if you leave the monsters," Asgore said quickly.

The reaction he got was not one the King was expecting. Loud, intense, booming laughter filled the air as the clown threw his head back and shook with the unfound humor in the situation. He then brought his head down, giggling to himself as he cocked his head at the King.

"As if I want just anyone, I don't want just any monster soul!" The clown cackled, "And I don't want just a soul, I want the monster themselves. Body and soul, all mine. Just one little monster, and I'll be on my marry way with them."

"You can't-"

"Kingy, Kingy," The clown interrupted him, tilting his body slightly to the side. "I never even said who yet!"

This was a bad idea. Asgore was playing with fire, he didn't know who this clown wanted, or for what purpose. Why would this thing want a monster?

"Who?" Asgore asked, distaste staining his mouth.

There was no hesitation before the clown spoke. "The monster in question goes by the name Sans. You know him, yes?"

The silence was deafening.

The two did know one another. Sans had met Asgore one day when Undyne had taken Papyrus to the castle, and Sans had come to collect him. They had encountered one another a few times, Sans even earning the title of the judge by his ability to judge someone's L.O.V.E stat.

"Why do you want him?" The King hated the continued grin on the others face.

"Reasons, Kingy, reasons!" The clown said, "All you have to do is give little Sansy over to me, then I'll leave you all alone. No killer clown, so funny ol' me dusting every last monster."

Asgore watched him carefully, looking for any weaknesses. There was none.

"What would you do with him?" The question was obvious.

And of course, the answer was as well. "He'd be my property, silly King. I do what I want to my property when I please."

A long, thin hand was outstretched, stretching further over the distance between the two before it rested in front of Asgore. The thing had his head tilted, grin almost splitting his face apart.

"Deal?"

There was more to this than stated, and both knew. The clown had the advantage in this scenario, he always had the moment he stepped foot into the underground. Asgore didn't know where he came from, or who he was, or even how to inflict damage onto him. It wasn't like the clown couldn't get Sans on his own, he could simply travel to Snowdin on his own accord and kill everyone before kidnapping Sans. The smile on his face was an obvious sign, one Asgore understood all too well.

It doesn't matter what Asgore said. He had won before the conversation even started.

Asgore's hand met the clowns, his paw feeling heavy as he shook. The hand was cold.

"I'll... I'll inform Sans that he will be departing tomorrow morning with you," Asgore said, "Does that work?"

"Sure thingy, Kingy," The man giggled, drawing his arm back. "He can bring his stuff if he'd like. And if anyone tries to run with him, I'll just kill them, and maybe Snowdin while I'm at it. Stick to the deal, Kingy."

Asgore fell to his knees in defeat when the clown disappeared in a cloud of smoke, hands catching him from his fall by landing in the flowers.

There was nothing he could do.

** Chapter 2  **

The news hadn't been very welcome.

Looking back into his house one last time, Sans was worried. Fear eating at his soul as he realized he may never see the house again, his brother included. The memories would always be held close to his soul, remembering his brother fondly.

No, no. Sans was acting like this would be the last time he would see Papyrus. It wasn't going to be!

Was it?

Papyrus looked at Sans, his eye sockets filled with tears once again. He choked out, "There's still time to run, you know."

"To where?" Sans asked, "Paps, we've been over this. It's okay, I'll figure something out."

They both knew the horrid truth, stirring deep below those words. No, it wouldn't. Undyne's face when she had to deliver the news told them everything they needed to know. This was bad, very bad. No one had a choice, Undyne telling the two with hesitance that Sans would have to leave. The fish monster watched the two with the same sadness as yesterday, eye soft and sorrowful.

"We can- we can," Papyrus stuttered, "How about the ruins? We can run there, break down the door, and-"

"And then what? Paps, we have no where to run. Asgore said it can even teleport, and it ripped a Froggit in half." Sans gave his brother a stern look. "We can't run, not while risking the lives of ourselves and everyone in Snowdin. And he'll probably get me anyway. Even if we do run. It's best to just do what he wants. There's a reason he asked for me, I might be able to talk him out of it."

That chance was unlikely. This was a serial killer, one who had murdered an entire town in a single night. Sans had only heard about the body, and what happened to him sounded terrifying. Especially when he had only 1 H.P, with body of unprotected, fragile bones.

And being singled out by the serial killer that Sans hadn't even seen? That alone frightened the skeleton enough to the point where not a single wink was slept that night. The circles under his eye sockets was evidence of his lack of sleep. The lack of puns was enough proof within itself, Sans was scared. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want Papyrus to get hurt.

"I-I don't want you to go," Papyrus said, unable to hold back a tear.

"None of us do, Paps," Sans said, reaching up to hug his brother.

"I really, really don't want to part you guys," Undyne said, her voice raw from guilt, "But you have to go."

"Please, stay safe," Papyrus cried next to him, hugging his brother tighter. "I-I'll figure something out, I swear! I'll save you, we'll come for you!"

"I think it'd be best if you didn't," Sans said, pulling back and looking at his brother. "We can't fight him, we should just play along. I have my phone, if I can manage to find any weaknesses, I'll text you guys. And I'll make sure to text you everyday, on what happens and what he does. I'll be your little spy, think of it like that!"

"I don't want you to be a spy, I don't want you to leave!" Papyrus said, "I just want you to stay here and safe!"

"Papyrus, he has to go now," Undyne insisted, voice wavering. "If he doesn't arrive in time, you know what the clown will do."

"I'll stay safe, I promise," Sans whispered.

The two siblings exchanged one last hug, neither of them wanting to let go. Undyne watched with sadness, knowing nothing could be done to save Sans. It was their final goodbye likely, the phone probably wouldn't prove for much in the end.

Sans didn't bring much, clinging to that last piece of hope that he may be able to return one day, that he didn't need to bring all of his belongings. It wasn't guaranteed that Sans would even survive long enough, so all he did was bring a few select things. Some clothes, his phone, a bag of chips, and a picture of Papyrus and Sans together.

It was okay. The underground within itself was a test of monsters, and they had persisted against all odds. Monsters held onto hope, they always would.

"Can't I at least come?" Papyrus asked.

"It's too dangerous, I'm not even allowed into the room," Undyne whispered, "You know that, we all know that. Sans has to do this for everyone."

Sans gave another forced smile. "Just keep on hoping, we can always figure something out."

The ride was terrifying, each rotate of the wheels sending another tremor of unheld fear through Sans. Watching his house and brother disappear from view gave a sense of dread that only built further within his soul each passing minute.

"Am I going to die?" Sans was blunt to Undyne, turning to her.

Yellow eyes glanced over at him, sharp teeth chewing at her lips. "He probably wants you for a reason, so he probably doesn't want to kill you."

"I don't get why he wanted to make a deal, when he could have easily just kidnapped me," Sans admitted.

Undyne took another glance at him. "None of us do, Sans. Asgore thinks he has a separate motive, that he's getting more out of this deal. What is the question."

"All he's getting is me, there's no difference between him killing everyone or not. Either way, he could get me easy."

"He might want you to come willingly, or maybe he's weak from all of the fighting that he wants to get away and take a weaker hostage too. Are you sure you haven't even seen him once?"

"Sure as sure, I really don't know him. Never seen him. I don't know how he even knows me. He said my name and everything?"

"Asgore said the guy specified both your name and where you lived, so obviously he probably had stalked you or at least had saw something about you that would warrant this."

Trees slowly turned into the cave system of Waterfall, the light blue glow engulfing the car. The skeleton nodded. "I mean, he might've seen my H.P once and decided I would be a good hostage. But why would someone as powerful as him need some hostage? He could easily kill Asgore and just start running the underground."

"I hate not knowing, I really hate how I can't do anything to help you or Papyrus," Undyne muttered, hands tightening on the wheel. "I can't help anyone, and it's so f*cking stupid."

Sans gave her a small smile. "Hey, you're saving everyone by driving me up there, right?"

"But I'm not saving you," She insisted, looking at him. "I'm driving you to your death!"

"Gee, thanks."

And just like that, the car had fallen to the silence an echo flowers now matched. There were no whispers from the outside flowers, all dim in their glows. The monster population was dying off rapidly, all due to a single man.

A single man who wanted Sans.

The silence did nothing to wash down the flames of Sans' unheld fears. Instead, they grew rapidly, curling around his soul before devouring it whole. Sans had always been lazy, to the point where being scared often passed from his mind. Horror movies were easy to bypass when he made jokes and was too lazy to pay much attention throughout the film.

This fear was one that had enough time to buildup throughout the time. The moment the clown had made an appearance in the underground, the fear had been gradually building up with each passing moment. Losing Papyrus or any of his close friends was worrying, causing each tick of a clock to ring out yet another drop of fear into his soul. Now it was being let loose like a dam, exploding throughout his body like crashing waves of despair.

That was it. Sans was going to die.

Or worse. This could be so much worse. He could force Sans to be a personal slave, even chain him to a wall and force him to preform acts he would probably only find in the darkest pits on fanfiction. Alphys had read them to him once, and it sounded horrifying. What if the clown forced him to do those things? Did he want a small and easily breakable skeleton because skeletons could reproduce with anyone? Was that why he decided on Sans?

Well, he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, either. If the clown even let him. Would he let Sans sleep, or would he torture Sans? Tie him up to a wall and beat him until he dusted? At least with his fragile H.P, Sans wouldn't suffer much until he would be gone.

It felt like waiting for an ad on Youtube to pass as they drove, Hotland finally approaching from ahead. At least the phone wasn't noticeable in his pocket, maybe he could sneak that pass the clown. When he could find a secluded time away from him, Sans could text Papyrus everything and they could talk. It wasn't like Sans could just plan an escape, not when the clown could return and finish the rest of the population off.

As they reached the capital, Sans' head started a turmoil of thoughts and plans. If he could hide his phone enough, he could text and call Papyrus everyday. They could keep contact, and if he happened to find a weakness, he could exploit it. End the clown, save everyone, and go back to Papyrus again. And if he had a human soul (which Sans doubted), they could even go to the surface!

The next thing Sans knew, he was stepping out of the car with heavy bones and a soul that felt as cold as Snowdin itself. Asgore was already waiting, his face drooping with the regret wrinkles pulling down his skin.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, voice barely reaching enough volume. "I'm _so sorry_."

Another sad smile, his face starting to feel forced. "It's okay. It's for the best."

"He... He's inside." The King stepped aside from the doorway to let Sans pass through first. "Only I'm allowed to see you two deparch. That was his only specification."

"That was it?" Sans asked.

"He just said he didn't want any interference when you left, so only I can be in the room without interfering at all. I have to stand away and see you two off," Asgore explained.

"Sans."

Undyne stood tall when Sans turned to look at her, a firm face filled with determination greeting his gaze.

"You can do this, you're a monster. We're always in this together, even if you won't be with us." Her voice never wavered once, finding the confidence she had hidden away.

"Thank you."

And those were their final words to one another. No farewells, nothing. Simple encouragement was what Sans needed, helping carry the weight from his legs to help him walk forward. Words enough didn't calm his erratic soul, no, but it tamed down the hurricane within him.

"He's all the way at the barrier," Asgore said, closing the door behind him.

"The barrier?" Sans asked, "Where does he plan to go?"

"I think the surface." There was the distant humming of wind chimes. "Sans, you're going to the surface."

No.

No, no. Not like this.

Sans was supposed to go to the surface with Papyrus! They were supposed to see the blue sky and the sun together, to walk across fresh grass and sit under the night sky! That had always been the siblings dreams, to see the surface together. All monsters needed was one more soul, and they would have seen it together.

"I..." Sans lost his voice, the fear consuming his words before they left.

There would be no Papyrus to see the surface if Sans didn't do what the clown said.

"How?" The question was a simple one, replacing his older thoughts. "How can the clown get to the surface?"

"I'm not sure, but I think he can with his capabilities. He just said he could," Asgore said, voice shaking with worry, "So I have no choice but to believe him. Just... try to think about the surface. You'll be able to live up there, won't you?"

"It won't be any different from living underground," Sans said, "It's still being trapped."

There was no response. There was nothing to say, it was blatantly obvious to the magical creatures. Sans was practically walking to his death at the most, and at the least it would just be another cage.

Sans wasn't prepared to see the clown.

Even Asgore, who had seen the clown before, sucked in a breath to calm the fear that came with his appearance. And Asgore was almost the height of the guy, too!

The clown towered above Sans so much that he could wrap his entire body around Sans, and still have leftover head and torso. It was like looking up at a giant. A giant with a mouth full of sharp teeth that rivaled Undyne's and was wearing the weirdest outfit Sans had ever seen on a person.

"Hiya there."

Oh, and that voice was absolutely terrifying as sh*t. It had a scratch to it, the low guttural sound managing to somehow have a cheerful overtone dance with each word. Somehow, he sounded silly while also admitting a deep base of absolute terror. The curling of the black lips into a grin indescribable didn't help quelch Sans' worries, they only grew tenfold.

"Here is Sans, like you asked." Asgore's voice sounded more quiet and fearful in the presence of the clown.

"Yup," The clown said, "We'll get going now, and the monsters will never see me again. Promise is a promise! But first-"

A hand reached out, dragging on further towards Sans. Sans jerked when the hand passed by his torso, heading lower before entering the depths of his pocket.

And it brought out his phone.

"-You won't need this anymore."

Just as his phone was broken, so was his hopes of escaping.

Sans could feel it slowly leaving his body, each crack of the glass screen driving out the small droplets of hope he even had in the first place. As the phone dropped to the ground, resembling nothing more than a pile of junk, Sans almost threw up.

The physical shattering of all hope for Sans had no effect on the clown, who instead opted to take a few steps back. "Time to go to the surface, skelly boy."

"... How?" Finally, Sans managed to wretch up his voice from somewhere within his soul.

"How?" His words were repeated by the man before him, who bounced on one foot to another, as if a child waiting in line. "Silly, silly skeleton! I can poof us away!"

Leaning forward, the clown then pointed a finger at Sans, letting it grow closer and closer until it touched his forehead. "Like this!"

A faint whiff of smoke could be heard before the world turned black, Sans falling forward into nothing.


	18. Leonie The Judge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is set in the alternate timeline I said before where the children are trapped Underground and the child of Frisk goes underground, where Leonie is the Judge okay let's do this

Frisk had told her son everything about the Underground. About Sans, about the genocide route, about how he had judged her.

Shawn had known this. He went Underground to find the killers, what he hadn't expected was to find another Judge.

The Judgement hall itself was long, and his footsteps were the only things that sounded. It had been worn down from age, a few windows broken here and there, some baseballs scattered around the floor. Yet he could still see the beauty, the orange and yellow light flooding in as birds chirped in the distance.

He didn't hear the girl walk in, but there she was, in front of him down the hall. Just... there, without any sort of entrance. The only sounds he could hear was her skeleton fingers typing away at her phone, volume turned up so he heard each letter pressed. Shawn paused, memories of what his Mother told him ringing throughout his head. Would she be the Judge of this generation?

But she didn't talk to him, too entranced within her phone to pay him any mind. After waiting, he sighed, moving to walk past her. To think there would be another Judge.

Until there was a blue bone in front of him.

Shawn had to bounce back to avoid the attack, narrowly avoiding getting hit in the chest. He turned to find the skeleton girl having not lowered her phone, but was looking at him now.

"You tried to kill BoBo," She said.

Oh, right, that weirdo. His fight was too weak, and he was too nice to even hurt Shawn much. Shawn had defended himself, then moved on. The guy was a kid of a serial killer, who could blame Shawn for attacking?

"So?" Shawn had asked.

"Just pointing it out."

Leonie flicked her wrist, turning off her phone and slipping it into her pocket. She finally gave the human her full attention, looking at him as her blue hair fluttered with her movements. Her hands slipped into her shorts, the girl walking up to Shawn.

"You know, you were kind of loud going around Underground," Leonie said, "Been pretty busy, I guess."

Shawn blinked, looking back at her, She wasn't guarding the exit to the Underground, no. She was guarding the Underground, her family, by being behind him.

"My Dad used to say something about this," Leonie hummed. "He told me he once asked someone around our age about it, in this hallway. Well, she was younger, but still. Do you think the worse person can change?"

Shawn watched her. Did he? No, he didn't.

"Well, tell me then," Leonie said, "Do you think the best person can change as well?"

"What?" Shawn asked.

"It's very hard to climb the justice latter, isn't it?" Leonie asked, "But it's easiest to let go and fall in. Strong souls hold on and keep climbing, weak souls fall and use the despair to cover their actions to pretend they've reached the top. The question remains, have you fallen into insanity, or have you used it to keep climbing?"

"You can't use insanity to pursue justice!" Shawn said.

"Oh, can't you?" Leonie questioned, tilting her head. "Then I guess you haven't been pursuing justice this entire trip, then."

She took a step forward, then looked down at the line she had just crossed.

"You know, it's funny," Leonie said, "Once upon a time, a serial killer girl had crossed this line to try and kill a man who was defending the world. The girl was told not to take the step across the line, but she did anyway. And here I am, another killer, stepping over this line. Yet..."

Her eyelights started to glow a dark blue as she snapped her fingers, a large Gaster Blaster forming behind her.

"I don't think you're the one protecting someone this time around," Leonie said.


	19. Soulmate Creepypasta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another story idea I had written before, then decided not to publish because I'll never get it done. It's a soulmate tattoo au where Sans has 9 soulmates and all of them are serial killers. It's a good number of chapters but I know I'm never going to get around to actually writing it so it'll just be in here. Maybe one day I'll actually make this it's own story, but for now it'll just be a four chapter, unfinished story in my docs for awhile. Also, I did take inspiration from Steve Hofstetter, he's a good comedian so I wrote Sans based on him.

Everyone knows about soulmates. A tattoo on your body will show your bond, showing an image that connects you to your soulmate. Whatever represents them will appear on your body, allowing for you to find your soulmate and to find happiness in a relationship with them.

There's just a tiny problem.

Sans had nine tattoos. And half of them look pretty... creepy.

**Prologue**

There was nothing like having a dead body permanently flaunted on his body.

For monsters, dead bodies were... unsettling. Very unsettling. When monsters died, their souls broke, causing them to lose magic in order to keep their physical form before they would dust away into nothing. They left nothing behind.

Humans were different. They left their bodies, a reminder of what happened. It was horrible to think about. Their souls gone, but their bodies would just rot... Like some type of old food, wasting away into nothing.

What was more unsettling was how it was on Sans' arm.

No, it wasn't hidden away. Right smack dab on the middle of his right radius was a dead body. His soul mate mark, on his arm, was a dead body with its chest ripped open and it was stuffed with little candies.

What a great image to have _permanently tattooed onto his arm_.

It wasn't the only one, though. As if Sans would ever get that lucky. Not one, not two, but nine tattoos were stationed on his body. Nine.

The most anyone ever had before was three, and even that had been amazing at the time. And their soulmate tattoos were actually normal. Cute, small, quirky things that everyone had gushed at. A piano, a cute dog face, small things.

It was weird, getting tattoos of ones soulmate. When a person was born, a tattoo representing their soulmate would appear on their body. Something they liked or did, something about them that would allow you to pinpoint them. Humans and monsters were born with the symbols of their soulmate or mates. Sans wasn't exactly sure what led to it, but he knew it had to deal with souls and their magical connections. Everyone in the world was connected, souls all humming as one as life continued on throughout the days. When souls alike were found to be bondable, they created the tattoos on people's bodies.

Sans wasn't really sure. Everyone had been staring at him that day when the teacher had been talking about it, so Sans hadn't been paying attention much.

The dead body wasn't the only concerning tattoo. After all, he had eight _more_ , so naturally there was more unusual ones.

A bloody hatchet sat on his left femur bone. Blood stained the edge.

A creepy blue mask with black voids rested on the middle of his sternum. Black liquid dripped down the mask from where the eyes were.

Black female lips were on his right hand. They were pulled into a smirk.

The paintbrush could be found on his left foot. It was painting a line in a red color that looked suspiciously like blood, as the rest of the handle was also covered in the liquid.

A weird circle with an x through it was located on his right scapula. Honestly, Sans had no idea what it even meant.

A camera was located on his right tibia. The light was on, and it looked to be a more old fashioned model.

Balloons wrapped around his left ring finger. They reached the tip before exploding into a variety of colors. Sans actually really liked this one, it looked pretty nice.

The final tattoo was the forest. It started at the base of his neck and crept upwards until it reached his cheek, stopping just an inch below his eye socket. It was the biggest, and most detailed of them all. The image displayed a dark forest night, with thick pine trees resting below a black sky and full, glowing moon.

They all looked nice and detailed, sure, but it was hard to walk around with all of them. The hatchet and the body really threw people off, not to mention his abundance of tattoos made people crowd around him. When he wore his blue hoodie and basketball shorts, along with white gloves and pink slippers, the only mark visible was the forest. When Sans discovered that he could use certain monster makeup to cover the marks on his bones, boy did he jump onto that.

It wasn't like he was against the idea of a soulmate, it's just that... he didn't want to put in effort to find them. In the slightest. Sans was lazy, so lazy he didn't want to give effort to another relationship. Watching Papyrus having worked months just to manage to see Mettaton was exhausting for the both of them. At least the two soulmates were happy now!

For Papyrus' mark, it had been easy. A simple face of Mettaton, slapped dead center onto the back of his left hand. It wasn't hard for the two to figure out they were soulmates, Mettaton's being an orange bone attack that extended over his wheel.

Alphys and Undyne had some difficulties piecing together the clues. Undyne had a large neko sword on her wrist, implying that her soulmate may have been a cat monster that used swords. Alphys had a picture of a red swirl, which was pretty nonspecific in her defense. After stumbling around for months and years, the two girls finally came together to realize the red swirl represented Undyne's hair and the sword represented Alphys' favorite anime.

Not all soulmates stuck together, either, so that meant Sans at least had the freedom to not date them if he didn't want to, which was nice. Queen Toriel and King Asgore were an example of this. It wasn't law to date your soulmate, and it wasn't frowned upon for people to prefer not date their soulmates.

Sans did like the idea of a soulmate, though. He really did. Maybe one who would just bring him things, carry him around, it was pretty nice. Where Sans didn't have to lift a finger to add any work in, it sounded promising.

Just... why nine? Why would any monster for the love of Toby Fox need nine soulmates? Either the world thought he was seriously lonely, or it thought he needed a serious gangbang.

And why were they so cryptic and bloody? Why was there a dead human body on his arm, and a giant forest on his neck and face? Balloons, too? What was he supposed to do with this? Date any clown he saw within a five mile radius underground?

That's why Sans resorted to hiding them. He didn't like attention that much, and his tattoos brought _a lot_ of attention. With the more bloody images on his body, and the number of soulmate marks, it easily drew one's eye to him in a snap. What really had encouraged him to start hiding them was when he was holding a young Papyrus, who burst into tears when he saw the mutilated body on his arm.

And if he hid the tattoos, no one would try to comment on that. That's what people did, they looked at others markings to see if they could be possible soulmates. And if his soulmates were looking for him (he had nine of them, one was bound to probably be searching for him) then they would try to make a connection.

It worried Sans a little to think about what type of person would approach him, point to his arm, and say "That corpse on your arm sure does remind me of my hobbies."

Just a _tiny_ bit worrying.

No one else blamed him about his hesitation. Papyrus agreed with Sans, saying the image was... rather concerning. Undyne said if Sans ever did meet the soulmate with that marking, then he should call her for his own safety.

Then came Frisk.

The kid was odd, sure, but they freed monsters from the underground. Sans did thank the kiddo, glancing off into the sunset with a small sense of worry.

In the safety of Snowdin, he had been able to avoid meeting any of his soulmates. On the surface, though...

There was a lot of humans waiting to be met, and he had a feeling one of them might be his soulmate.

**Chapter 1**

One thing Sans would admit he loved about the surface was the comedy clubs.

Underground, Mettaton owned the only club, so it was kind of hard to branch out and get much audience. Especially when it came to people who couldn't afford his extremely overpriced face steaks, so that had really limited down people who wanted to see him do comedy sketches.

But on the surface? There was so many more options. Plenty of clubs were open and did comedy sketches, and when Sans had sent them some of his work, it really hit off. It was easy to get a few skits done, and it was good cash for just saying puns, so honestly it was just a steal.

The club had been rather full that night. Sans wasn't extremely famous, sure, but he has already started to get a following. It was nice to know that some people cleared up their schedule to come watch him. And Sans enjoyed doing comedy skits, so it was a good gig.

"Thank you all for coming out tonight, I know it's very tempting to stay at home," Sans had said when he had entered the stage, gently grabbing the mic to speak into it. "It is, and none of you can deny it. I stay home all day, everyday, and it's great. But at some point you always run out of beer, so I understand why you guys are all here."

There was a general chuckle and giggle amongst the crowd. It wasn't a laugh out loud joke, so it was good they didn't laugh too hard, but it at least showed they were paying attention.

"And I'm sorry about this, it's very obvious, but..." Sans said, touching his skull, "I'm sorry about my balding. If you guys brought sunglasses, I'd recommend you put them on because I'm going to make you blind. I've been meaning to buy a wig lately. Honestly, I have. I'm a short skeleton, so I look pretty thin when wearing clothes because I'm nothing but bones. So I could pull off a rocking girl from behind. I could just be standing in line, my back to you, and you'd think I was some small chick and you'd tap my shoulder to get my number, but instead of some cute teenager or young adult this skeleton just turns his face and is like 'that gay bro' to you. It's my weekend plans."

There was more laughs from the crowd. This was good, they were active.

"But yeah, I understand why you guys might have skipped out to stay home. Staying home is amazing, because I'm lazy. Oh, sorry, I said that wrong. According to my parents, I'm a 'disappointment', but I thought my middle name was Comic, which really threw off me off. My Dad would say that all the time, really. 'Sans, go outside and play, you're such a disappointment'. And I'd just be standing there like 'Thanks Dad, I'm six'. So-"

He was interrupted by laughter, making Sans pause in his sentence. Hey, he got a good crowd! No hecklers or anything, that was nice.

"So yeah, the point is that you guys could have stayed home and but you didn't, which is amazing. Thank you for taking the time out to see me, it means a lot. I'll say it's pretty awesome on the surface, especially since I'm a monster."

Sans paused, looking over the silent audience. "And a hush falls over the crowd," Sans joked, smiling at them. "Did I catch you guys off guard? Like, I know most of you are humans, but I'm not some sort of walking skeleton that was risen from the dead. I didn't burst out of a grave like 'I need to eat ketchup'. No, I was born a skeleton, raised a disappointment, and grew up into some random guy who likes to wear girls wigs and clothes just to f*ck with random dudes on the street."

"Well, actually, I don't do that. Yet. I'm too busy just sleeping at home, one of life's greatest advantages."

"But the surface has been so weird since I got here. Like, underground we were so used to certain things. And now on the surface, it's just weird. Especially since I'm a skeleton. Everyone apparently just assumes I crawled from a 'flesh prison' and am now roaming about. The moment I walked onto stage, I saw half of you turn your heads to the door like either you thought I was a zombie and you guys had to make a break for it, or that you were expecting the police to kick down the door because I was an escaped convict from a human body and was on the run."

"It's not really being a skeleton though, at least, that's not what's weird about the surface. I do know there's some racist humans, which is really weird. I'm just bones and puns, I have no idea what you expect me to do. All I can do is just pet my empty skull and glare at you for having hair and having the ability to get drunk. I can't get drunk, and it's the worst because I would be plastered just _always_ if I could. It sounds amazing, but instead I just end up drinking ketchup while watching my dog friends get high on dog biscuits."

"There is a reason I'd need to drink, though. This is probably the weirdest thing about the surface, and it's the whole 'killy' stuff. Like, you guys were so f*cked before we got here. And after we got here, it sorta spread like an infection, you know, like a zombie. I came up here expecting to infect you but you guys made me a target of killers. Sh*t!"

"Us monsters got to the surface expecting to see paradise, but instead we just found out you guys not only screwed us over, but screwed yourselves over then screwed us over again! What kind of messed up system is this? 'We'll kick the monsters butts, then, we'll kick our own. Then once they get back, we'll kick their butts as we kick our own. After all, it's why humans have two legs'. What kind of-"

Sans had to pause as the crowd erupted too loud into laughter, letting them settle down before he continued.

"What kind of messed stuff is this? I got to the surface just wanting to see stars, just wanting to be free then you guys are like 'Actually, guns are neat. It's also why humans have two hands'. Man, humans are multitasking for sh*t."

And that was how the night went. Sans cracked joke after joke for his set, and he got some good responses. They were a good crowd, for the first half.

Then came the heckler.

Sans couldn't really see anyone from on stage, but he could tell this person was going to be a problem from the start. They had been talking a bit, obviously drunk from their slurred words. Sans addressed it earlier, as they were sitting right in the front, but they continued to talk between his bits.

But when he drew the line was when they shouted out during the Undyne bit, when Sans had been complimenting her about her skills.

"Next!"

The man was loud, and he was right in the front row, too, so Sans could even see him. The guy had a lot of shots and drinks scattered about his table, and he was slightly wobbling. Drunk, definitely.

"Next?" Sans asked him, "What do you mean by that?"

He crossed his arms and looked down at the guy, gaze narrowing. The guy looked caught off guard, like he didn't expect Sans to respond.

"No, no, please elaborate." Sans adjusted his mic. "Because you're not getting out of this one."

"Uh, I meant another beer?" The man asked.

Everyone in the audience was looking at him now.

"Is that what you meant? Or were you offended that I was talking about a woman in a position of power?" Sans asked.

"No, I love women," The man slurred out.

"Then why did you tell out next?" Sans asked.

"No, you and I can talk... later?" The man asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, was I the one who interrupted?" Sans asked, "You interrupted me now, so we're going to talk now. About Undyne and how strong she is. You know she's here, right? And I just talked about how she can smash through boulders, so you might wanna stop drinking so you can outrun her tonight."

The audience around the man erupted in laughter at his downfall, all on Sans' side of this argument.

"Nah, who am I joking. You aren't outrunning her all the way back to your Moms basement."

There was some hoots and cheers, Sans grinning down at the man. He already won the moment the guy had the audacity to shout out opposing strong women. That was seriously a rude move to do.

"You're a d*ck!" The man yelled.

Sans looked down at himself and looked back up with a confused face. He then patted the front of his pants as if he was searching for something. The audience got his silent joke and they all burst out laughing.

"Darn it, you made me excited for a moment man," Sans said, "I don't have one, but then again, neither do you. So I'm guessing that's why you got confused by how they look like, yours is so small you can't see it."

Thankfully the staff had taken action by this point, stepping in to escort him out.

"What the f*CK? I'm getting kicked out? You douchebag," The man said, looking at Sans like it was his fault.

"You know, actually, douchebag refers to an item that was once used to clean out girls reproductive systems. So yeah, I am a douchebag, because I cleaned out your Mom last night. You probably heard from the basement."

With that final remark as the guy left, the audience broke our cheering, clapping ensuing.

That was a good show. Despite the heckler, it was a good show. Though, he did have to end it there because of the heckler. At least he ended on a high note.

"Thanks for coming out to see the show, it means a lot to me to see so many people," Sans said, "You guys were a fantastic audience, except for that one guy, but he's gone so the world can be at peace again. And I'm just going to..."

Sans leaned down and snatched one of the guys drinks from the table, taking a sip of it while some people burst out laughing.

"Hey, he's not coming back, I might as well enjoy it," Sans said, grinning at everyone. "Well, have a great day!"

He walked off stage with the applause, waving to everyone as he walked out of view of the lights. His group of friends were waiting by the doors for him, thankfully. They came to his shows to support him, it was pretty cool of them.

"The guy had a designated driver, he's not waiting out there for you," Undyne said, "But punk, nice job with that heckler!"

"Thanks, the guy was really drunk though, didn't really have a chance," Sans said, "Honestly, he was really rude. Interrupting because he didn't like how I was standing up for women in power, I wish he was the one driving while he was drunk."

"You should never wish for death on anyone, even if they were being sexist!" Papyrus objected, "He might have had one too many beers!"

"Nah, this isn't beer," Sans said, holding up the cup. "But he had like seven cups, I think the guy was wasted. Either way, he still said next on a joke about how strong Undyne is, and interrupted during a comedy club show. Guy deserves at _least_ a broken leg. Thankfully, he paid for my drink."

"Well come on silly bones, let's go home before everyone tries to leave so we don't get caught in the parking lot."

Sans nodded, taking one last look at the crowd. A few of them were standing up since the show was over, and the rest were sitting, finishing up their drinks and food. There was one man who was looking at him, with dark brown hair and sideburns as his sharp brown eyes focused on the skeleton from his seat with his hands resting against his lower jaw, hiding it from view. The man next to him was also staring, a hand dug into his light brown hair while his light blue eyes focuses on him as well. San quickly glanced over them, feeling a bit awkward from their intense eyes.

"Yeah, let's go," Sans said.

Their gazes didn't leave from him even when he turned his back, the feeling if being watched following Sans all the way to the parking lot.

**Chapter 2**

The newspaper crinkled in Asgore's hands, the headline as evident as ever across from Sans.

Killings. Ever since getting to the surface, they found out that the humans were dealing with their own problems. Dealing with murder.

Their death rates were higher than monsters, stupidly higher. When they came to the surface, the human government had actually told the monsters that the neighborhoods around the mountain were incredibly dangerous. People were dying left and right, children were going missing. It wasn't very safe to be roaming about in the middle of the night.

"Isn't that the guy that heckled Sans?" Undyne asked.

Sans perked up, glancing up to find the fish monster bent over the newspaper Asgore was reading. The King tilted it to the side to let Sans and Toriel see. And sure enough, it was the same man as last night on the page, becoming the newest victim of the recent killings.

"Oh, that is, yeah," Sans said, "He's dead?"

"Killed at his house, fire," Undyne said.

"Oh, that's sad!" Papyrus said, "He was mean, but he might've been too drunk."

"Nah, screw him," Sans said, "I'm glad he was the one who died instead of someone else. He says next during the Undyne bit and even insults me for him being kicked out? Guy can't hold his liquor. and don't ignore how he had been making comments to the girl next to him that clearly wasn't into him, I kept hearing it during the show. Better him than some good person being hurt."

"The report says they think it was foul play, that someone set it on fire from the outside, like the other houses," Asgore said, folding the newspaper to read more. "He was the only one who died last night, though. That's rare."

"Oh, speaking of which," Toriel said, gathering everyone's attention, "I bought those new locks, to keep Frisk safe from these killers."

"I think the kiddo is good at protecting themselves," Sans chuckled.

"I would say so too, but it's always better to be safer than sorry," Toriel said.

"Of course! The Great Papyrus has ensured his house is completely safe!" He held two plates as he walked to the table. "And your meals have been finished, your Majesties!"

"Please, Papyrus, it's just Toriel, nothing more."

The Queen accepted the plate, as did Asgore, the two shuffling to move their newspapers out of the way.

"So we're going to be leaving at 10, right?" Sans asked Undyne.

"To see Alphys' project, yeah! I can't wait!" Undyne said, pumping her fists. "She's going to be great!"

"That means we leave in ten minutes," Toriel said, looking at her clock.

"Perfect, that's enough time to take a nap."

"Sans, no!"

"Too late bro, I'm already snoring."

"Your eye sockets are open!"

~~~~~~

After they had all loaded into the car, they had made their way to the presentation. It was about the nature of souls, as Alphys had experimented with them, and she was presenting it to the human scientists along with a few monster interns. They were all allowed to visit because she was their friend, so they all got added to the list. Hey, there was free food there, so Sans was willing to go.

The drive was a bit long, as the meeting was out a few towns over. Poor Alphys had to stay the night there to prepare for the presentation, so she wouldn't have to drive at 2 am just to get there on time to start preparing. Undyne would have went, but due to the killings, she had to stay for the night in case there was any attacks.

She never really did get a break. After reaching the surface, her idea to quit being a Royal Guard was dropped quickly once she realized monsters would also be the targets of murderers. Asgore and Toriel were also overworked, as Toriel had decided to take on some of the workload of being Queen. They weren't going to get back together, though, as she already made it clear she wasn't interested in romance anymore. All she wanted to do was focus on Frisk and teaching, her phase of romance was over with her soulmate.

Their tattoos had been on their ankles. Sans could see Toriel's peeking out from under her dress in the van, Asgore's barely reaching past his shoes. Toriel had Asgore's attack of a red trident, while Asgore had a snail pie. Simple, but effective in helping them find one another. Of course, just because they were soulmates didn't mean they had to be together. They tried and failed, and moved on to simply being friends. Maybe it was due to circumstances, maybe Toriel was never ready for love, but their relationship hadn't worked out. It happened sometimes with soulmates.

Then there was Alphys and Undyne, pure soulmates through and through. The sword and cat ears on Undyne's wrist indicated Alphys, and the red swirl of Undyne's hair on Alphys' shoulder proved their connection. The two girls really loved one another, and were always ready to set aside things to support the other.

Papyrus and Mettaton were the same. While the movie star was busy, he made sure to message his soulmate, as Papyrus made sure to clear out time to reply back. The two were workaholics, maybe that was why they were soulmates. The two were so busy they didn't notice the other being busy, and they didn't mind.

Then, finally, there was Sans. Little old Sans, with his nine soulmates marks scattered across his body. The makeup felt cold against his bones, covering the side of his face and neck. His friends all knew about the markings, but agreed to let him cover the tattoos. They had seen some of the designs themselves, and agreed it might be in his best interest to keep them hidden.

The dead body and hatchet were the most concerning one's by far. Undyne really didn't like the dead body, or how it was stuffed with candy. It wasn't just a sign of a murderer, it implied that the killer of the corpse wasn't doing it for self defense. It was a bit scary to think about.

But Sans would admit he did think about the tattoos. What were the stories behind them, what were the people like? All nine of them were so different in their own ways, Sans couldn't help but wonder. Maybe they all knew each other, or maybe his soulmates were complete strangers. For all Sans knew, they could all be split up across the world, and he'd have to go on a scavenger hunt just to track all of them down.

Yeah, too much work. Sans would rather just go take a nap, maybe watch some T.V.

When they finally arrived at the lab, Alphys looked relieved to see them. Introductions were short as she had to go up and do her presentation. They settled into their seats in the back as Alphys started, scientists applauding as she made her way up.

"Souls are u-unique in their ability to determine a perfect m-match, or matches, i-in the world," Alphys started, "Souls a-are bound with the universe, a-and thus, with one another. Because s-souls are connected, specific s-souls a-are able to create bonds and b-become soulmates. The souls are t-then marked by tattoos indicating a p-primal aspect of the other to help the s-soulmates find one another. Of course, t-this doesn't mean that t-they are bound to fall in love, it just m-means they're most likely to. It's a part of l-life that can happen, and often leads to happy couples, b-but it's never guaranteed. Soulmates c-can choose to not be t-together or they can b-break up. Just because soulmates a-are meant for each other doesn't mean they have t-to. Soulmates a-are, though, guaranteed to meet a-at least once within a lifetime d-due to their connection."

Oh, Sans did not know that. Great.

"This can be seen through t-the phenomenon known as d-determination..." Alphys carried on.

The presentation moved on from the soulmate topic, but Sans couldn't get it out of his head. Nine soulmates. He was bound to have met at least one of them by now, wasn't he? Did he pass them on the street unknowingly? Does he already know one of them?

It came to a conclusion shortly after, Alphys nervously staggering off the stage with her final statement on the wonders of souls. Everyone burst into applause, Undyne hooting for her girlfriend as she stood up. Others followed, standing in their seats to clap further.

"Food!" Sans chanted, looking at the buffet table.

"Be careful, you wouldn't want to many of the baked beans. I've bean there before." Toriel smiled to him.

"It's nacho problem what I eat, so don't taco to me that way," Sans replied curtly, making his way to the table.

"Ugh, Sans, why?" Papyrus asked.

"There she is! The greatest girlfriend in the world!" Undyne yelled, rushing over to Alphys.

The lizard monster barely managed to get close before Undyne was dragging her into a hug.

"H-Hi!" Alphys said.

"Great job on the presentation," Asgore told her.

"It was great," Toriel agreed.

"It was up to the Great Papyrus' standards!" Papyrus declared.

"Really?" Alphys asked.

"Course, it was good," Sans said, "No doubt the humans liked it, they were practically swarming around you when you were done."

"Uh, t-thanks," Alphys said, "But I was r-really nervous. Glad it turned out fine."

Sans eyed the table, even though he had no eyes, that didn't stop him. It looked all delicious, he couldn't wait to dig in.

But as soon as he turned, though, that idea was thrown out the window.

A human had been standing close to him with a red cup of juice, and when Sans had turned, they had bumped into him and caused the red fruit punch to splash up and soak his jacket. Some of it had splattered up across his face as well.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The human scientist said quickly.

"Nah, it's fine," Sans said, holding up his hands.

He was soaked, no doubt about it. A few people were looking over at the accident, but none were really paying attention.

"Oh, uh, your face, Sans," Toriel said, pointing to his face.

Sans moved his hand up to where she was pointing, pulling it away to find white makeup and fruit punch staining his digits. Darn it.

"Oh, wow, that's a really pretty tattoo!" The girl said, "I've never seen one that fancy!"

At least it wasn't any of the other tattoos. It wasn't like Sans was ashamed of them, he just didn't like it when people pointed them out. And started getting scared... And children cried from the body...

Well, just Papyrus, but still.

"Wait wait!"

A nearby intern had rushed up, a look of certainly gathering within their gaze as they looked upon his tattoo. They leaned in close, a bit too close for his liking, their heavy breathing coming in short, excited bursts as if they were holding back something.

"That's my mark!" The human said quickly, not even looking at Sans as their nose grew closer to his bones.

"Uh... Really?"

They didn't sound very confident, and the words sounded rushed. The girl nervously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, hands fidgeting with excitement. Was she really confident about this?

"Yeah, yeah!" The intern said quickly, pushing him away. "I have this exact picture at home and I'm o-obsessed with it!"

The girl was really unusual about all of this, and Sans felt a little off-put by her instance. She wasn't even focusing on Sans, instead seeming to pay attention to only his tattoo.

"How does that make us soulmates?" Sans asked her, "What's your tattoo?"

"Oh, um, a bone! It's one my uh, you know, lower back so I don't want to show it yet," The girl said.

"Aw, Sans, I'm so happy for you!" Papyrus said.

"That's awesome, punk! You found one of your soulmates!" Undyne said.

Did none of them see through this? Why was the girl so weird about it? She didn't act like she wanted to be his soulmate, but she was acting differently. He wasn't really sure how to pinpoint what her intentions were, but it was weird.

"Can we go out for a bit?" The girl asked, "My treat, since we're soulmates."

"I don't- Now? There's food here." Sans gestured to the table. "And lot's of it."

"Actually, Sans, it would be a great idea! You could go and get a change of clothes while you're out!" Papyrus said.

"Yeah! Let's go!" The girl said.

Sans barely had a chance to give his brother a look before his friends were practically shooing him away with the girl _none of them had ever met before_.

He was going to get them back when he got home. They better pray for mercy from his puns and pranks.

**Chapter 3**

Yeah, this was a terrible idea.

The girl was excited. _Too_ excited. Her blonde hair kept trailing down to her face as she breathed heavily, texting on her phone frantically. Sans usually would've judged for her being on her phone during a supposed date, but then again, so was he.

At least Toriel and Alphys were more understanding. Alphys knew Sans wasn't one who really looked forward to dates, and Toriel knew what it was like to be expected to date a soulmate when one wasn't really interested. But everyone seemed to all agree on the same thing in the group chat, much to Sans' annoyance. He couldn't ditch his soulmate without at least trying one date with her. It wasn't fair to her or himself by judging, and he had agree through his teeth. As much as he hated it, they were right. It would be a crummy thing to do to ditch a soulmate just because Sans wasn't interested after how they met.

Maybe they'd click, who knows. It wasn't any of the other tattoos, she probably wasn't going to kill him. They were soulmates, there had to be _some_ reason to why they clicked.

But as this 'date' continued onwards, it was pretty clear. This chick was lying about being soulmates.

It wasn't uncommon, people had been known for doing that in the past. It never happened to Sans specifically, but it happened to Papyrus, so Sans was rather involved. Some random guy thought he could measel a one nighter outta his brother by faking a soulmate tattoo on his wrist with markers. Good thing he was a bad artist, and good that Sans had used markers on pranks so many times that he knows what they look like drawn on skin.

The girl, though, was completely different. She didn't even seem interested in Sans, more so in his tattoo, looking at it before she would even look at him, if at all. It wasn't like the other situations, where people would fake soulmates because they loved or wanted to get into bed with the other, as she didn't even care about Sans. She forgot his name three times after he told her it, and was so busy on her phone with her friend he was practically ignored. Heck, she had even taken a photo of him and sent it to her friend, waving off Sans when he inquired about her action.

Thankfully, at least Sans had made sure to take separate cars to the nearby restaurant they had traveled to, so he could run if it got any weirder. And judging by how this was going, he had in cars keys in his hands.

"So, soulmate," Sans said, crossing his arms on the table with harsh, impatient movements.

The blonde haired girl wasn't even paying attention, typing away at her black phone. She glanced up at the doors for a moment, then looked back down.

"Here is your lemonade," The waiter had said, settling the drink in front of Sans. "Would you like to order?"

"Uh, yeah," Sans said, "The bacon burger, to go, as fast as you can."

The waiter looked between the two and nodded, pulling their menus away. The girl hadn't even ordered, or touched her menu, instead focused on her phone. Sans muttered a thanks and watched him walk off, wishing he had brought some extra make up or something to cover his tattoos. Sans ended up having to stick with his drenched hoodie rather than ditching it and letting her see his other tattoos. After how she freaked out seeing just one, he didn't want to take any chances with the others.

Sans gently lifted the cup up to his teeth, sipping through the straw while watching her. At this point, he was considering just leaving now and getting food somewhere else. He was seriously hungry, but this crazy girl was making him rethink this decision.

"We're not soulmates, are we?" Sans asked her.

She didn't pay any mind, smiling creepily at her phone. She dragged a finger across the screen, ignorant to his words.

"Figured," He muttered, leaning back.

The girl suddenly jerked up, twisting the phone around to show him the screen with a grin. It was a picture of his soulmate mark, the one she had taken earlier, but there was a red outline drawn poorly over the picture.

"You can see him, can't you! He's in your soulmark!" The girl said quickly.

The outline on the picture was sloppily drawn in the shape of something behind the trees on his tattoo. Sans was about to push the the phone away with a remark before he did notice something, leaning closer.

Without the lines, it looked like normal trees, but now... he could see the outline of some man standing in the trees in the distance. It was faint, but now that it was traced in red, he could understand why she'd think it was someone else. But they looked too tall, and he couldn't see any features to distinct them from the trees. It was a bit of a stretch, but he could understand why she saw someone. It did look like someone, in a sense.

Blondie had drawn back her hand, looking at the picture with an excited giggle. "It's him, I know that figure anywhere. Tall, wearing black, blending in with the trees. It's him, it's him!"

Okay, this was getting weirder.

"Yeah, I can see how it looks like a person," Sans muttered, "Uh, who is it?"

"It's him, the operator!" The girl said, "I can't believe the internship to make some money was the one who led to you, not the hours with the others!"

"Uh huh," Sans said.

The door wasn't too far. He had his keys, he could just run. He already brought out money for the drink and burger. Sure, he wasn't fast, but she wasn't paying attention.

Maybe he could throw the lemonade at her, for a distraction. She'd probably just block her phone with her body with how obsessed she was with it.

"Here's your bacon cheeseburger," The waiter said, placing it down in front of Sans.

"Thank you," Sans whispered to him, taking the bag into his hands.

"No problem. The check is here too-"

Sans shoved a pile of money into the guys hands, effectively shutting him up. "That's a fifty right there, I know the burgers here are only nine bucks, take the tip for being a bro right now."

The waiter nodded, understanding Sans' uncomfortability with the creepy girl. This guy was awesome for doing this.

"Do you want me to call the police or something? She's been taking lots of pictures of you and I don't blame you for needing some backup," The waiter whispered, leaning close to Sans.

"I don't think so," Sans replied back, "But seriously, thanks for the backup."

"No problem."

Sans started to get up with the bag as the waiter walked away before the girl was suddenly jerking out of her seat, startling Sans. Was this girl going to try and jump his bones? No thank you.

"Wait, wait!" The girl said, "Where are you going?"

"Uh, to eat this burger with more... sane people," Sans said, "It was great meating you, but lettuce leave and ketchup another day. Probably not, though. Okay, bye-"

"Wait!" The girl said, reaching over and gripping his hoodie. "Just- Can you come with me?"

"To some creepy dungeon?" Sans asked, "You seem like that kind of person."

"No, no, there's um... that once place, near the forest, it's a good picnic area," She said, "I wanted to set up a picnic there!"

"Can I just go?" Sans asked.

"I have more food in my car for a picnic, I just, since we're soulmates, wanted to make a picnic!" The girl said, "I promise, you can leave afterwards."

"But I can leave now." He pointed to the door.

"I- please?" She asked, "I swear, if you don't like it you can leave. I just want to try something more romantic for a date."

"And you'll leave me alone. For good? No pictures, no phone, nothing?" Sans asked her.

"Yes." She nodded firmly.

Sans pretended to think for a moment before he was backing away, the waiter standing by in case the girl did something crazy. Seriously, that guy was awesome, watching out Sans' back like that.

"Yeah, I'm going to leave now, because either way I'd be further away from you," Sans said, backing away. "Bye."   
  


He never ran so fast in his entire life.

~~~~~~

Sans was less thrilled with Papyrus when he arrived home.

Sure, Papyrus had good intent, but Sans was understandably upset. His hoodie was still soaked (his favorite hoodie, by the way) and he hadn't eaten yet. And Sans liked food, as much as he liked not going on dates with people he knew were going to be a problem.

When he got back, the others weren't home since they were still at the event. Which Sans just wasn't really in the mood to be at, not anymore. He was just burned out.

That was a big difference between Sans and Papyrus. Sure, there was a lot of differences, but this played into their main functions and schedules. Papyrus was an extrovert, he had boundless social energy. Sans did not. One event for the day was enough, and the date had drained him to no end. If that even was a date.

Either way, he was exhausted. One day, and he had done so much work. It would be nothing compared to Papyrus, but it was a lot for Sans.

His beloved, old hoodie was sticky as he pulled it off, white makeup staining the inside with the multiple ketchup stains. Even Sans would have to admit he needed to wash this, as much as he avoided washing his clothes, big spills needed to be washed. It was his favorite hoodie, then again, it was his _only_ hoodie. Not much of a selection.

The washing machine hummed in the other room as did his microwave, the two providing sound to the otherwise silent house. Sans stood in the bathroom, the sounds uncontained by the ajar door as he found himself looking into the mirror, skull tilted to the side as he observed his tattoo.

Odd, he never noticed the figure before. He always thought it was just trees, and it could very well be trees still, but he could see how she thought it was a person. It could've been either, it was anyone's guess.

Due to the spill, his other soulmate marks uncovered by his clothing also stood out. He looked like a decoration without his usual makeup.

It wasn't that Sans disliked his marks, no. He didn't mind much. Even with the dead body and bloody weapon, why should he hate them? Sans didn't have to date his soulmates if he didn't want to, it wasn't really their fault he had these marks. They probably had weird marks from him too. If any of his soulmates had a meme on them, he would absolutely not apologize. That would be amazing to have as a soulmate mark!

What Sans didn't like was the effect they caused, such as today. Sans didn't like it when people tried to use tattoos for their own motivations. They were supposed to signify who you were most likely to bond most with, and yet people would twist that around. Those who tried to lie just to lure gullible romantics away, others who would mock partners that were not soul mates.

And so, the makeup box of white covering was pulled out of the bathroom drawer, Sans looking down at the object. The microwave beeped away in the background, lost to the skeleton.

It would be cool to not have to buy this stuff anymore. Sans wished he could change the world, make it so society wasn't so ridiculous. Then again, he wished he could change so much more. But for now, society would be as it was, and Sans would be forced to adapt.

He popped open the box, bringing the paintbrush to the side of his skull, swiping upwards to gently drag a line of pure white makeup over his tattoo.

Maybe one day, he could escape from his entrapment. Escape from the memories, from the resets, from the expectations, from society.

But for now, he couldn't.

So, the makeup stayed on.

**Chapter 4**

Gentle wind prodded at Sans as the stars twinkled above, their soft glow lingering in his sight as he dragged it down to his book. Both he and the stars were quite the opposite of his brother, who was excitedly talking with Undyne somewhere behind him. Their chatter made up for the silence of Sans, who gently enjoyed the sight of the vast star sky.

Sans loved the stars, there was no doubt about that. Finding the telescope underground in the dump was a blessing, for both his pranks and his own research. Stars were something special, he loved them, no doubt about it. Just the way they looked, and how calm and peaceful it was at night, it felt nice. Sans was a night dude, while Papyrus more enjoyed waking up earlier.

The spot they were at was perfect, he loved sitting here and looking up at the sky, taking in the view of the open world around him. It was an area of land propped up above the forest, creating a perfect place to settle down. Sure, some people might have been afraid from the slight 'cliff' look to it, but Sans didn't care about the height. Sure, it was risky to fall, but he knew his own magic. Not to mention the Underground had a lot of rocky cliff like areas, monsters quickly learned how to be careful near heights.

There was a section that really did look like a cliff, one that stood out above the forest below. It was the best view for the moon and the forest, letting him admire both the stars and vast forest with one sitting. That's where Sans was, his legs over the edge as the backs of his legs grazed the dirt below. Monsters were so used to rocky terrain, it had been a bit of a surprise to see how humans insisted on making everything so smooth and flat. It wasn't a surprise that humans discovered the escaped monsters easily had better balance.

Even anxiety prone Alphys wasn't scared, having dealt with hotlands turning paths and cliffs. She was thrown through air across lava filled gaps, a smaller cliff above the forest was nothing to them. So, as Papyrus and Undyne continued to yell about something behind him, Alphys joined him on the edge, her feet too grazing over the edge.

"It's r-really pretty out," Alphys stuttered, social anxiety present in the words.

"Yeah," Sans agreed.

The wind continued gently, Alphys' tail shivering as it was exposed to the cool night sky. She never really did like cold weather.

"I'm really s-sorry about the date thing, we should've n-not let that girl go out with you so suddenly," Alphys apologized once again.

"Nah dude it's fine, I know Papyrus is a bit overly excited when it comes to romance," Sans said, smiling at her. "He's been reading those dating manuals for years, he wants me to be happy with someone like you are with Undyne. He's done things like this before, they've never went this bad. The chick was just really weird about it all."

"I hate i-it when people fake soulmarks," Alphys muttered.

"Ditto."

It was annoying to fake a soulmark just to be with someone. Why would someone even do that? If a person liked another, it wasn't taboo to go on dates with non-soulmates. To a few stricter people, maybe, but it was widely accepted that soulmates wasn't a guarantee for the future. And Sans didn't care that they weren't soulmates. He just didn't like that she lied to him about it, took pictures of him without even asking, then tried to lure him into the woods. That's just creepy.

That wouldn't have been the first time Papyrus set Sans up with someone, and it probably wouldn't be the last. His brother was a romantic, as was Frisk, and the two loved to set people up to make them happy. Thank Toby Fox the kid was on that trip for school, or he would have been screwed more if Frisk had been the one to set up Sans and that girl.

Papyrus was simply too fast to jump to ideas without looking ahead, another difference that lay in their souls. Sans wasn't really trying to look for his soulmates, he really didn't care. Of course, there was the whole situation of the dead body and bloody weapon, and what those possibly implied, but that wasn't Sans concern. He didn't care if he found them or not. Sans had a happy life now, he found no need to rush out and change things.

Well, as happy as it could ever get for Sans. But still, he didn't have the need to go out and search for adventure, not like Papyrus. Yet Papyrus insisted on hooking Sans up, trying to create romance where it wasn't. Sans never really minded the dates, not until they twisted into a creepy girl trying to lure him from public.

That wasn't Papyrus' intent, and his brother apologized afterwards. Maybe if he had a bit more foresight, Papyrus could have seen Sans' very clear signals of 'Bro this is a bad idea' the short skeleton had been frantically flashing at him. Either way, it was over.

Louder yells echoed across the usually quiet forest and Undyne and Papyrus freaked out over their small grill, flames exploding above their heights into the sky above as their food caught fire.

Again?

"That was all of our noodles!" Undyne yelled, "No!"

"Fear not! We can always continue back at your house!" Papyrus said.

"Sure thing punk! This night was meant for training, and if it takes all night we're going to stay up! Your spaghetti for Frisk's return is going to be great!" Undyne roared.

The forest rumbled with movement, trees fluttering. Her voice and the sound of flames roared over the usual calmness, just as it did for any given situation. The others didn't notice this change, nor did they notice Sans' glance towards the disrupted forest.

"Nyeh heh heh! Nothing but the best from the Great Papyrus!"

"C'mon nerds, we're going to go back home now! The barbeque was a bust plan!" Undyne said, picking up the grill that was still burning.

Alphys turned towards Sans. "You coming back?"

As tempting and fun as it was to go back with them, Sans had to decline with a quick shake of his head. He planned to go to bed as soon as he got back to his own home, and he already watched enough of their training sessions to know where this would go. It was entertaining, and it was always fun to bond with Papyrus, but Sans hadn't been out to the forest in awhile. He wanted to enjoy the view, and the silence he had missed out on earlier.

"Nah, I'm good," Sans said, "You guys have fun."

"Remind me to b-bring my books next time," Alphys said, standing up. "So we c-can go over them together."

"Will do, Alph." Sans gave a curt wave as the lizard retreated to the car, the female returning it.

They all gave Sans a goodbye before they were leaving, letting the introvert within Sans take a small breath of air. Sans loved his friends and brother dearly, but sometimes he had to take a step back and relax. He used to do this underground with the dogs, playing poker with them to have a more laid back group to fall upon. He enjoyed hanging out with them, sure, but sometimes they were a bit much. Sometimes Sans felt like he needed to step back.

Maybe it was due to only Toriel enjoying his puns, but sometimes Sans felt like he never really had a role in the group. Or maybe it was because of the resets, or the constant lies that he found himself telling the others, hell if he knew. But Sans wasn't truly with their group, not like they thought he was. All of the friends had their own role in the group, yet Sans was simply the comedic relief. A role he didn't mind filling, but a role not very necessary. Not to them, anyway.

It wasn't like they declined Sans, or tried to push him away. This was simply due to the boundaries Sans had placed throughout his life, boundaries formed to protect his mental health. Lies built the walls, and this was the result. They were his friends, but unless he could manage to tear down those walls, they would always be a bit distant. Communication was key to good relationships, and Sans wasn't communicating everything he felt.

But how could he? How could he tell them about the resets? How could he tell them about the Royal Scientist, who fell into the core? How could he tell them about the determination experiments? How could he tell them about the machine, dusting away in his basement underground?

The answer was simple. He couldn't.

And thus, the cause of the wall surrounding Sans' heart. He simply couldn't explain it to them, he couldn't tell them. Sans had spent so many years building those walls, so many resets, so many tears and sleepless nights. Now he had a firm wall, one that had protected him against so many hardships, but one that blocked out his friends and own brother. Sans didn't know how to break down that wall, how to tell them how he felt. All he could do was make a skeleton pun and pray they didn't ask about the way he had tensed moments before when Frisk had picked up a knife to help cut tomatoes.

Even with the set backs, Sans still found himself happier now than before. His brother had a good job, monsters were on the surface, and resets were a thing of the past. The need for the emotional blockage was gone, but Sans was so used to it now that he didn't know how to get rid of it, even for his own brother.

Sans just wanted Papyrus to be happy. That was all he really wanted in his life, honestly. That's why he built those walls, took on emotional burdens, fought against the resets. It was all for him. And now Papyrus was happy! He had a good job, a great job actually, the restaurant was perfect for him. Not to mention a boyfriend that was no doubt going to turn into a husband, his soulmate and famous, rich lover who already spoiled him.

That was it, Sans was done. Papyrus was happy, so Sans was happy.

But that's where the doubt started to bubble up again, making Sans squint up at the moon as if it was the cause of his inner turmoil. Sans kept telling himself that, over and over. Simply because the resets were done, then he must be happy. Yet Sans can't help but question himself.

Sans was happy for Papyrus, but was he happy with where he was in life?

He had friends, but he couldn't connect to them on an emotional, connecting level. He had a good job, he loved doing stand up, but he only did stand up in small, dainty bars where hecklers roamed about. Then, there was the date from yesterday.

Soulmates.

Could soulmates be the reason why the others were so happy? Papyrus and Mettaton were close, as were Alphys and Undyne. Toriel and Asgore, although over, had gotten closure and moved on with their own separate lives.

Maybe there was some truth behind Papyrus' motivations for setting Sans up. It could explain why his brother seemed so excited to hook Sans up with a possible soulmate, because he had found happiness in his own and wanted his brother to find that same happiness. But they were different, very different. Papyrus was like the sun, standing tall in the sky, with everyone else in the world around him, understanding and connecting with him. Sans could be like the moon, cooler in contrast with no one but himself to view the moon during the late hours of the day.

Would soulmates be a good idea for him? Everyone else seemed so happy, maybe that was what Sans was missing. Even if he and his soulmates didn't click, the closure should be enough.

Sans never thought himself to be a romantic, so he wasn't really sure how he would even pursue this. Alphys did say that soulmates were guaranteed to meet at least once within their lifetime, how would that play out? Maybe they would bump into each other as stand up comedians behind the curtain, or maybe they would cross hands reaching for ketchup. Or maybe-

"F*ck it, I'm kidnapping him!"

Okay, apparently that was happening now.

The voice had shouted out from behind him, emerging from the forest just as the rustling did. Sans managed to turn in time to find a sight to behold.

If what happened earlier was funny in its own right, this was next level.

A hooded, orange goggled man was practically jumping out of the woods, with two more hooded figures trying to drag him back into the darkness.

"Let me go Masky! I'm done stalking!" The man was yelling, struggling against their hold.

"Um..." Sans mumbled, watching the three of them struggle.

They continued to yell more at one another, not even noticing Sans' presence. The skeleton awkwardly watched as they struggled, the one man seeming to try and run towards him while the others continued to push him back.

Okay, they were a bit crazy. Or a lot. First that girl, now these guys? Humans were more prone to insanity apparently.

Yeah, Sans did not want a repeat of the date. That was a no go. He quickly gathered his items, holding his telescope under one arm and his book under the other. With a blink of magic, he was appearing back inside of his living room, dropping to the carpet with a sigh.

This was going to get annoying soon.


	20. Update on Soulmate CreepyPasta

Yoohoo lads, I am well aware some of you asked to see me publish and write the soulmate creepypasta thing I published previously, so I'ma give you all an update.

Right now, I'm working on my Female Sans story on Wattpad. But after that, I do believe I will publish the soulmate book. I already have been working on it during my freetime, Chapter 5 is done, so I'll continue to write bits and snippets behind my main books. If I somehow end up finishing it before my next book is done, I'll just upload it then. So yeah, I'll be writing the book, don't worry about it!

But I have a joke to share with you about the story while ya wait for it.

Other Creepypastas: Okay, Sans is our soulmate. Our plan is to follow him carefully, make sure he's safe, then introduce ourselves in a careful way and get close to him before we reveal we're killers. Does that sound like a good plan? I think-

Laughing Jack: I'm horny, you're cute, I just killed a kid last night, let's f*ck


	21. SansxJane / Boyfriend of the dead au

May I introduce:

The webtoon Boyfriend of the Dead (basically a zombie apocolypse where a zombie dates a human) with the SansxJane ship

If you don't know the webtoon you should check it out it's pretty chill, it's where a human girl who's violent and kills everything ends up dating a zombie

Sans and Papyrus were the only two infected from the Undertale original group, so they all think the brothers are dead. Sally is a zombie they find and Sans sorta takes in since she doesn't have anywhere else to go.

Asgore is trying to lockdown the zombies and stop the virus but it's not doing great. Everyone from the original Undertale gang is in a survival group, meanwhile Sans and Papyrus are in a home with Jane and Sally.

When a zombie tries to go for Jane, she stabs him in the head while doing her makeup. Jane still goes to stores to keep up on her dresses and appearance and drags Sans along. He has a hard time speaking because he's a zombie so he makes puns about it instead.

Jane is the one who mainly goes out for supplies because she's the most brutal, zombies quickly learn to stay away from her because how good she is at killing. They also learn that Sans is her boyfriend and if they talk to him he could talk Jane out of killing them.

Sans is like Sally's older bro/ uncle / parent so he takes her out to go get toys and such. Jane takes care of her too. Humans sometimes think Sans is attacking Jane but when they go to save her she threatens their lives about even looking at Sans and is really protective, meanwhile Sans is a blushing mess in the corner.

~~~~~~

Jane: *being a bada**, swinging through hordes of zombies, a lone survivor*

Sans: *is a zombie just sorta wondering around, sees Jane, writes out a pun about her weapon and shows it to her*

Jane: ok there's no way he's a normal zombie he just make a stupid pun

~~~~~~

Sans: *eats ketchup instead of humans, sticks with his zombie bro who's too disgusted by eating humans to eat, so Papyrus cooks meals for Sans and Jane*

Jane: Yeah cool i'll stay here *she's just trying to hunt down Jeff who almost got her infected and is p*ssed at him*

~~~~~~

Sans: *made a hand pun about a zombie who doesn't have a hand*

Jane: I love him

~~~~~~

Sans: *is a really nervous and shy zombie who somehow got a hot girl to take him out on a date during the end of the world and is a blushing mess while zombies nearby yell encouragement and tell him how lucky he got*

Jane: *is super happy she found an adorable zombie who just eats ketchup and is willing to stab the crap outta anyone who takes him away*

~~~~~~

Undyne: *sees Sans and Sally, realizes Sans may possibly still have cohesion, and kidnaps him back to her base to see if Alphys can turn him back*

Jane: *is waiting for Sans to get home, when Sally tells her she's angry as crap and storms out with like 50 knives and a gun*

~~~~~~

Undyne: Can you understand us Sans? Are you dead?

Sans: i... already... died... because you... didn't... lock... the... backdoor

Undyne: oh man I was hoping he wouldn't remember that

~~~~~~

Alphys and the gang: *trying to figure out how to turn Sans back, meanwhile Sans is just sitting, still tied up*

Jane: *kicks down the door* WHERE'S MY BOYFRIEND YOU LIMP D*CK HIPPY MONSTERS

I think it'd be cute


	22. Sans/Jane B.O.T.D Au

Okay I _really_ like this idea so um

Yeah I drew some art for this

basically Sans has a small hole in the side of his skull from falling onto a counter so like he uses his skull to store things, like maybe cool gadgets or things he finds on the ground. He's a zombie but he's adorable

Meanwhile Jane is violent and strong and kills everything but looks hot and bada*s while doing it

And also I lel drew a comic

I need help I love this ship in this au too much please send help

Like seriously imagine Jane is a bada** killer who wrecks all of the zombies and survivors alike and is royaly mad at Jeff for almost getting her killed and Sans is an adorable zombie who doesn't eat people but he loves ketchup and puns but since he's a zombie he can't communicate unless he tries really hard so he's adorable and small and innocent from his lost memories and he really likes jane and please it's adorable

Anyway view the comic I drew! it's rushed but whatever

I want to write this but I have so many other books ack

Adorable innocent Sans where he loves puns and ketchup with crazy killer jane makes for a perfect pair especially in this universe 

I swear I'm going to make this book a thing I love it too much, not now

But one day

For now enjoy the comic and concept art


	23. Sans, Zalgo, and Gaster

So this is a little scenario that popped into my head after I was rewatching Parks and Rec so I have to share. It's from the episode where they throw a horse funeral for Lil' Sebastian

Sans: *is talking to Zalgo, looking annoyed because he hates his Dad*

Jeff: *running up* Sans, warning, you're Dad is here

Sans: Thanks for the tip but I already know *points to Zalgo*

Zalgo: *waves* hello!

Jeff: Not him, your _other_ Dad

*Camera zooms in towards window to show distant Gaster standing in Sans' office*

Sans: *wide eyed* oh sh*t 

Zalgo: *also looking terrified* oh sh*t


	24. Sans/Jane More Scenerios

I really like this idea, I have two chapters done, but it won't be uploaded for awhile (rip), but here's some more ideas I had.

Jane: *on a microphone* Alright zombies, listen up! Sans and I are going on a date tonight, and I expect everything to go perfectly. is that clear?

Zombies: Yes ma'am!

Jane: *pacing* That means no zombies trying to attack me, no survivors getting into our town and trying to kill Sans. If anyone even tries to ruin this date, I will make it your personal hell. Is that clear?

Zombies: Yes!

Jane: Alright, one last thing... Does this dress make me look fat? 

Zombies: *quick reassurances for Jane*

~~~~~~

Sans: Ohhh shiny *picks up shiny stuff on ground and puts it into his skull*

Jane: *gestures to the large shiny pile* Sans we have enough shiny things please

~~~~~~

Jane: frog

Sally: Fr...ijajg

Jane: Frrrooogggg

Sally: Fraughk

Jane: Frog!

Sally: Fr... f... f*ck!

Jane: Wait no no no

Sans: *running in* WHO TAUGHT HER THAT (but in zombie language)

~~~~~~

Ben: *gaming*

Sans: *gaming*

Jane: Who wants to go shopping with me?

Both: *silence*

Jane: *looks at their dirty and bloody clothes* okay so both of you then *grabs the backs of their hoodies and drags them away*

~~~~~~

Jane: Try this on, oh and this, and this and this... *keeps piling clothes onto Sans' pile* Okay, what did you grab me?

Sans: nothing

Jane: Sans we were supposed to grab new clothes for the other, don't you want me to look good?

Sans: But... you always look pretty! 

Jane: *is on the floor* He's so precious

~~~~~~

Sans: Jane, Jane, I found you some lipstick!

Jane: *looking at it* That's great Sans but this is the cheap stuff, it's not really the best and-

Sans: *looks up innocently at her*

Jane: *throwing away all of her other lipstick* This is the only lipstick I'll be using from now on


	25. Hazbin Hotel / L.J×Sans

Here's another au because I physically cannot stop myself.

Hazbin Hotel crossed with L.J×Sans. Laughing Jack is Alaster, Sans is Vaggie, Papyrus is Charlie, Mettaton is Angel Dust, and Gaster is the ruler of hell

Sans and Papyrus are brothers, and it was Papyrus' idea for the hotel. Sans supports his brother and wants his reform hotel to go well, and he protectd his brother from haters in hell. Mettaton stays there free rent if he plays nice.

Papyrus: *starts excitedly talking on Hells news, bouncing up and down, even shows his special attack*

Sans: *off camera, frantically motioning for him to stop*

*afterwards*

Papyrus: I messed up

Sans: Hey its okay bro you have a great idea and we're going to make it work

~~~~~~

Mettaton: *opens front door of the hotel*

Laughing Jack: Hello th-

Mettaton: *shuts door*

~~~~~~

Mettaton: Uh Papyrus the clown fallen angel is at the door

Papyrus: A new friend, lets let him in!

Sans: Wait no isn't he dangerous?

~~~~~~

Laughing Jack: *walks in* why hello there hotel, I- *stops when he sees Sans* OH MY GOD HE'S SO TINY *picks up Sans*

Sans: All around me are familiar faces...

~~~~~~

Laughing Jack: I'll help the hotel if... Sans goes on a date with me

Sans: Yeah okay

Laughing Jack: Wait really?

Sans: Dude ill do anything for my brother and whatever, I'm dead I have nothing to lose, and you're hot. Does 6 work?

~~~~~~

Random person: Haha Papyrus sucks

Sans: Hey babe can you do something about that person?

Laughing Jack: Why should I?

Sans: I'll give you lots of kisses and cuddles

Laughing Jack: You son of a b*tch I'm in

~~~~~~

Gaster: *abuses Sans and Papyrus*

Laughing Jack: *absolutly beats the sh*t out of him and becomes the ruler* I am making my potato my Queen!

Sans: Wut now?

~~~~~~

Bean: *is the princess of hell and absolutely abuses her power*

Papyrus: *ends up with Mettaton and his hotel becomes required to attend for all demons by Sans' orders*

~~~~~~

Sans and Laughing Jack: *makes out on their thrones*

Bean: *on her own throne* Do you guys have to do that here?

Sans and Laughing Jack: Yes


	26. At the Park

I got this idea a little bit ago so I'ma upload it

Sans: *sitting on a bench, on his phone*

Random Mother: *sits down next to him* are you here with one of your children?

Sans: oh yeah

Random Mother: My girl is the cute one wearing a pink dress, which one's yours?

Sans: The one stabbing your kid

Bean: *across the park, brutally murdering the kid in the pink dress*

Jeff: *sitting on the other side of Sans* GO FOR THE THROAT

Sans: She's a sweetie isn't she


	27. Mermaid AU

I made another AU because I physically cannot stop myself. Seriously, it's like a disease of creativity and ships that refuses to be put out

So this would be an Eyeless Jack x Sans ship, where Eyeless Jack is like a siren or mermaid and Sans just accidentally got turned into a mermaid/siren, and Eyeless Jack is helping him learn the ropes. However, there's a mermaid/siren trait where a fully genetic one can't talk to anyone who isn't their species, so since Sans has turned he's half skeleton and gets his tail underwater, he can talk to them and normal people just fine. Basically Eyeless Jack would be an adorable little bean and Sans would be struggling with swimming since he's a skeleton and he's never had the chance to before

And yes, this was inspired by another webcomic, it's called Swimming Lessons for a Mermaid, highly recommend it, but it's only inspired by it. It's only share the swimming lessons with Sans and Eyeless Jack with the webcomic, other than that it'd just be my own story

OKAY I figured it out, Sans would be a mermaid and E.J would be a siren, but he'd be a cute shy siren

~~~~~~

Sans: *falls into the magical pool thingy, can't swim out, gets turned into a mermaid*

Eyeless Jack: *helps swim him out*

Not even five minutes later:

E.J: *having a nervous breakdown in a corner of the pool while Sans tries to thank him*

~~~~~~

Sans: *is flailing on the bottom of the sea floor, absolutely cannot swim for the life of him*

E.J: jesus christ you need help

~~~~~~

Papyrus: Sans I need to come in to brush my teeth!

Sans: *in the bathtub with his tail* um bro ima need a minute... or ten

~~~~~~

Eyeless Jack: *starts to teach sans how to swim by holding his shoulders, they sometimes hold hands*

They'd both be really flustered

~~~~~~

Papyrus: sans you've been leaving the house a lot lately and I know you've been coming here to meet your secret boyfriend that-

Sans: *holding eyeless jack's hand, on a romantic date in the water* well you're half right

Seriously, siren Eyeless Jack x mermaid Sans? Yes please!


	28. Sans and Bean

This is an idea for a story I've actually had before the soulmate story (yet to be uploaded onto ao3), but I've been debating writing it for so long because I'm not sure if I want to write it or not, so I'll just post some ideas about it here

Basically where Sans and LJ had a one night stand but Sans didn't notice he got pregnant and like 5 months pass and he suddenly has a baby without being slightly prepared

~~~~~~

Sans: *rolls over in bed*

Bean: *sitting next to him, staring at him*

Sans: the f*ck is that?

~~~~~~

Sans: Hey Tori you're good with kids right?

Toriel: Yes, why?

Sans: Well I just have this kid now *pulls Bean out of nowhere* so if you want her I mean

~~~~~~

Papyrus: How did you have a baby?

Sans: well I woke up

Sans: *takes a long sip of ketchup*

Sans: and there was a baby

~~~~~~

Toriel: why isn't she so ad or-

Bean: *starts flailing and biting the moment she's away from Sans*

~~~~~~

Sans: Okay so I wasn't prepared for parenthood and I dont have the proper resources or time to give a baby the love and growth it needs so I decided to put up Bean for adoption, I left her at the orphanage and-

Bean:*teleports onto the counter next to Sans*

Sans: ... F*ck

~~~~~~

Undyne: Uh... You okay?

Sans: *covered in bite marks, bags under his eye sockets, Bean lightly chewing on his finger* I haven't slept in three weeks

~~~~~~

Sans and Toriel: *trying to feed Bean healthy food*

Bean: *summons candy and kicks away their hands*

~~~~~~

Robber: *breaks into Sans' house to try and rob him*

Bean: *lunges at him from her crib and utterly destroys him*

Sans: *finds Bean sitting next to a dead body, his throat torn out and her teeth covered in blood*

Sans: Did I give birth to a baby or a guard dog

~~~~~~

LJ: *sneaks in one night to hold Bean*

Sans: *sees LJ, gives him Beans bottle, immeadiatly falls asleep on the couch because he doesnt remember what it's like to sleep*


	29. He's Real AU

Okay so I got this little idea where L.J would be dating Sans, but he'd talk about Sans to the other CreepyPasta and honestly since L.J is a special tol clown boi no one would believe he landed a date, especially with the weird descriptions he gives of him

~~~~~~

L.J: And he's super short and adorable

Masky: *looks up at L.J's height* So you're dating someone who's like 4 foot when you're that tall? I doubt it

L.J: He's the little spoon

Masky: Sure thing

~~~~~~

L.J: Sans ate so much ketchup today that it came out of his nose

Jane: I really don't think he exists

~~~~~~

L.J: Today Sans' head came off

Ben: Okay I get that you're probably lonely after Jeff and I started to go out but come up with better lies

~~~~~~

Slenderman: Hey L.J can you go take whatever thing you- why are there bones here?

L.J: oh they're from Sans

Slenderman: ... Is Sans actually a dog that you adopted and we mistook as your boyfriend?

L.J: Oh no he's my boyfriend

Slenderman: Uh huh

~~~~~~

L.J: *brings Sans to the mansion*

Sans: Oh hey guys L.J told me about all of you I'm Sans, his boyfriend

Literally everyone else: HE'S REAL?!


	30. Animatic

I think I can link on here, but I've been paying more attention to my Youtube channel, and have started to edit together animatics/animation memes! And a few of those involve the children and creepypasta/sans crossover!

My most recent one is creepy L.J and Sans, go check it out!

https://youtu.be/PbOEOXAswIM


	31. Random Scenerios

Just some random small snippets I've thought about

~~~~~~

Cole: darn it I'm captured somewhere, I have handcuffs on me and I don't have any magic to escape

Tondra: Yeah I can't draw any ruins with these, but you can move. Check your pockets maybe?

Cole: Oh yeah like I'm going to just pull out something I must have stolen without noticing that is helpful to our- *proceeds to pull out keys to the handcuffs he had unconsciously stolen minutes prior*

Cole: oh sh*t

~~~~~~

Sans: I'm not in the mood to cuddle tonight sorry

Toby: *pouting* aw okay

Sans: *wakes up in the middle of the night for Toby to be on top of him, crushing him* oh come on

~~~~~~

L.J: *slowly cuddles with Sans by wrapping his arms around him like a snake*

Sans: I can no longer move

~~~~~~

Silky: *enters a room*

Someone: *is crying*

Silky: *proceeds to back out of room*

~~~~~~

Clock: *ticks to 12:00*

BoBo: *shaking Sans, whispers* Hey Dad happy birthday

Sans: *groans and rolls over*

Splendorman: *on the other side, shakes him* Happy birthday

~~~~~~

Slenderman: So it seems that demons, specifically the cannibal ones, have seasons called 'love seasons' where they look for a mate, which means this will affect Eyeless Jack, but not Addy since she's too young

Sans: okay so what'll happen?

Slenderman: Well it's a week thing, so day one will be looking, day two will be gifts, day three he'll build a little fort for you two

Sans: oh thats cute

Slenderman: day four is hardcore sex

Sans: wait what

Slenderman: day five is-

Sans: no go back a minute

Slenderman: -trying to secure the now pregnant mate

Sans: okay now can we talk about those last two days

Slenderman: day six is more cuddling in your fort

Sans: No please go back I needa-

Slenderman: and day seven is a repeat of day four

Sans: ... how long until it starts?

Slenderman: tomorrow

~~~~~~

Sans: where's the bodies

Bean: I don't know what you mean

Sans: I heard a scream

Bean: I have absolutely no idea what you're-

*several bodies slowly slide out of the closet*

~~~~~~

Tondra: *starts fortnite dancing*

Cole: *joins her*

Silky: why

~~~~~~

Tondra: *staring down at shrimp* 

Hewey: Aren't you allergic?

Tondra: yes but i've never eaten shrimp

Hewey: because you can die

Tondra: yes but... I have to know

Hewey: don't do this

Tondra: *pulls out her e-pen and injects herself before she lifts a piece of shrimp to her mouth* call an ambulance

~~~~~~

Sans: So you're dating Glitchy Red and Lost Silver?

Hewey: yes

Sans: *looks at his boyfriends* Why don't you date more?

~~~~~~

Bean: *crouched next to a car* You think Dad will notice?

Tondra: *writing some runes to hotwire the car* No, as long as he doesn't find out what we're doing we should be fine. Can you give me a soda?

Bean: *looking around on the ground* ah crap I forgot where I put them

Sans: *handing her one* Here

Bean: thanks *gives it to Tondra*

Both: *pause and slowly turns towards Sans*

Sans: Whatacha doing kiddos

Bean and Tondra: *screams*


	32. More Snippets

More ideas I forgot to add to the last one

~~~~~~

Tondra: Oh yeah? Then fight me!

Cole: Fine! Bring a weapon in five minutes

Cole: *fives minutes later shows up with shellfish taped all over his body*

Tondra: Oh come on that's not fair

~~~~~~

Sans: We have to get close to that guy to kill him and get the info but he isn't into guys, which means none of us can seduce him because we're all guys, and Jane is gone right now. What should we do?

Jeff: I mean he is a creep that's probably a pedophile, which is why we're trying to kill him, should we send in one of the kids? They're trained to fight

Sans: ... Okay fine, which ones?

Jeff: Silky?

Silky: Me seduce someone? Are you sure you're thinking right?

Sans: Yeah that'd be a terrible idea, same with Bean. 

Jeff: Addy

Sans: Selective mutism, remember?

Jeff: F*ck, right... hm... Tondra?

Sans: no she was captured awhile ago

Jeff: How about Leonie?

Leonie: *on her phone*

Sans: Yeah that's a no

Jeff: Well who could do it?

Sans: I got an idea... *turns around* HEY COLE

Cole: WHAT?

Sans: I NEED YOU TO DRESS UP AS A GIRL AND SEDUCE A PEDO, CAN YOU DO THAT?

Cole: *running into the room, already putting on a dress* YES I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE SEXY BAIT


	33. Secret Boyfriend Au

This AU isn't specific to anything, but it'd just be an au where Sans and L.J are dating but due to L.Js circumstances they can't date in public, so no one knows Sans secretly has a tall, serial killer boyfriend

Toriel: *about to go on a date with Asgore* What about you Sans? I have Asgore, Papyrus has Mettaton, and Alphys and Undyne have each other. Don't you feel lonely?

Sans: *Having literally come back from a date not even five minutes ago* nah not really

~~~~~~

Some random guy: *starts flirting with Sans*

Sans: *rejects him*

Guy: But aren't you single?

Sans: Well... yeah, but

L.J: *trying not to strangle the guy from the shadows*

~~~~~~

Papyrus: And I, the Great Papyrus, have noticed that my dear brother has been struggling in the dating department, so I set you up for a blind date! Isn't that fantastic!

Sans: What now

~~~~~~

Sans and L.J: *on a date*

Papyrus: *comes home early*

Sans: *shoving L.J behind the couch before Paps can see* Hey bro you're home early

~~~~~~

Sans: *Walks out of his room with several hickies, clothes messed up, black lipstick smeared on his teeth*

Everyone: *staring*

Sans: One nighter

~~~~~~

Sans and the group: *having been kidnapped by someone, maybe flowey*

Papyrus: There's nothing we can do!

Sans: *bringing out the box* This is going to be chaotic

~~~~~~

Sans and the others: *running from threat, get corned in a room*

Sans: *Turns towards the others* Okay so I haven't told you all this before but I actually have a boyfriend who's a large clown that kills children and rips out their organs to replace with candy

Papyrus: Wh-

Sans: *cranks the music box, opens the door, throws the box out, then slams the door shut*

Undyne: What's that supposed to do to help?

Sans: wait

Not even a moment later: *distant screams of agony with Laughing Jack cackling*


	34. SansxE.J (18+)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you guys remember how I posted on my conversation board (if you didn't see this, I recommend you follow me on Wattpad, I post a lot of important things on there) about how I was considering writing more mature things? Um, yeah...
> 
> This is awkward, it's here. I've never really written stuff about this before, so bare with me through it. Consider this a tester smut thingy. I'm going to write one, and ONLY one (no requests, my account is always for stories first, not porn) to test out the waters and see how it goes. If I leave it up for a day, feel uncomfortable with my content having this, I'll take it down. This is just a test to see if I want to dip my toe of writing into some more mature things. And just so you know, I am of age to write this. I can only say 18+ for readers, but can I really control who does and doesn't read this? 
> 
> Here's this oneshot, featuring awkward Sans and Eyeless Jack doing a first time before they get really into it! This is embarrassing to post, so don't ask for more please. Time to go die in a hole and see how this goes.

Gentle, trailing fingers made a journey across Eyeless Jack's chest. They kissed once, short and sweet, the lingering tension hanging in the air. It was quiet. Their clothes wrinkled, ever so slight, as Sans repositioned himself onto the cannibals lap.

Was this about to happen? Here? Now?

Well, it should. That's what their date night has been leading up to. They both wanted a kid, and in order to arrive at that destination, this had to happen.

Not that they didn't want it, oh no, far from that. Both were ready, but neither of them were particularly good at advancing. Sans was far too lazy to ever lead in the bedroom, and Eyeless Jack himself was far too nervous about this to properly be the lead, either.

"I know this is your first time, but uh... You can always tap out," Sans said, fingers pausing on his collar. Ready to drift away at any given sign of discomfort. "I don't want'a push you. It's a two way street here, if you don't feel good then just say."

"It's not that, I'm just a little- ah, nervous, I guess," He said, letting one of his lovers thumbs trail away a thick line of black goo from his eye. "I don't want to screw this up."

"I've done this before, so while I'm not a pro or anything, I'll help you," Sans said, "I just want to make sure you're mentally ready. It's not just about being old enough, it's also about being mentally prepared. If you feel uncomfortable, you should make sure to tell me."

"I will," Eyeless Jack said, adjusting his seating, "But uh... I'm not... uncomfortable, um... I should just show you."

"Hm?"

His lover dragged Sans forward, now stationed directly onto his lap. And also, directly onto his growing excitement in his pants. Sans had done this several times before, but couldn't help but suck in a breath of air.

"Yeah," Jack said quietly, digging his head into Sans' shoulder. "Sorry..."

"Nah, we kinda need that in order to do this," Sans said, "If you didn't pop a boner for this, we might'a had a few issues with how to make out. Well, at least we have one out of two done. We just need mine now. Do you have any requests?"

"Requests?" He echoed.

"Yeah." Sans averted his gaze, a light blush growing on his cheeks. Sex was always an awkward thing at first, at least for him. He had no backbone, pun fully intended. Describing monster biology was always weird.

"Uh... sex."

"Pft- No, no," Sans snorted, "For what you want to go to pound town with. I got magic, and it can either be a cat or a bone. Whatcha want?"

"Um... I'd rather you do something I can... you know, stick... into," Eyeless Jack mumbled, blushing himself, "I've never put anything into... you know... my own... hole."

His words were spaced, each one more hesitant than the last, but with a hint of growing excitement to them. The excitement was only furthered by what Sans was sitting on, tent now firmly pressed against Sans' lap.

"Okay, yeah, I can bottom," Sans said, letting his magic coil. "And I'll do a puss. I don't want to go get any lubricants or anything, so might as well use something that's naturally wet. It's easier."

Sans' magic did the work pretty easily. A soft blue glow emitted from his pants as it snapped into a form, creating a new body part to derive pleasure from. Not the first time he's done this, yes, but it was the first time with Eyeless Jack. And Sans was rather ready. Some steamy dreams have long since prepared him. He just wanted to make sure the other was as ready as he was.

"So do I just... now stick it in?" Eyeless Jack asked.

"Foreplay is a thing, you know," Sans chuckled, "You have to get me wet enough first, and I wanna make sure you're good as well. Foreplay is kinda important for this, so we should do that. Not to mention this-" Sans pulled back at his collar lightly. "-Is in the way."

"Oh, yeah."

Eyeless Jack pulled back, lifting his arms over his head to slip off his shirt. Sans watched quietly, grinning silently to himself, the blush ever so present. Eyeless Jack wasn't as built as the other CreepyPastas, his method of killing was sneak attacks, which were worthless to train one's physical body, but he was still cute.

"Are you going to watch me?" He asked quietly.

"Yup," Sans clicked.

How could he not appreciate Eyeless Jack? He was hot as hell. With soft brown hair, grey, defined skin, he was something to look at. Or maybe he was just Sans' type, but hey, Sans was into the sharp teeth.

"How do you do the soul thing?" Eyeless Jack asked quietly, setting aside his shirt as Sans shook off his own hoodie. "For the baby?"

"It's nothing too complicated, it happens naturally, so don't worry about it," Sans said, kissing him briefly again. "Do you have any certain spots you want me to touch or to bite?"

"B-Bite?"

"It's okay if you aren't into biting, I just... really am," Sans coughed into his hand to avoid the awkward confession, "So feel free to bite me whenever you want."

"Uh..."

Eyeless Jack trailed a hand near his bare clavicle, looking like he was about to lean forward and bite, but instead chewed on his lip. Nervous. Uncertain in his actions. Wanting to try his best, but unsure how to go about that.

"You don't have to do it right away, just if you ever feel like it," Sans said, "Don't overthink this, just... let it happen."

Sans leaned in, firmly planting a kiss onto his rough lips. Followed by another, and another. He snaked his arms around his neck, opening his teeth to initiate kiss with a summoned blue tongued. It tapped lightly against his lover, letting him decide if he wished to do that kiss or not. After a moment of confusion, he caught on quickly, opening his mouth. Oh, that was adorable. Eyeless Jack was so precious, Sans loved him.

Their kissing adventure was slow, but adventurous. Eyeless Jack gently trailed his tongue, testing out the waters of what felt good and what felt weird. Sans tilted his skull to the side, letting the other explore. It was his first time, Sans wanted to go at his pace. Frankly, his own pace was nonexistent, he could roll with whatever.

They pulled away shortly after, Sans' tongue dangling from his mouth as he did. Okay, pretty hot, he would admit.

"You felt... really good," Eyeless Jack admitted, looking away with a blush.

"'Course I did, I'm obviously a sex master," Sans hummed.

He leaned back against the bed, gently pulling Eyeless Jack onto him. With a wink, Sans wiggled in his spot. Jack gave out a short giggle, grinning, now more calmed down.

"Here, c'mon, let's make out some more, get you used to it," Sans said.

"I- Yeah, please," He whispered, bulge now pressed painfully against his pants.

He was upon Sans in an instant, more eager now that he was a little more experienced in it. His hands clung to the sheets above, twisting his tongue across Sans' in a feverish need. Looks like the horniness really kicked in. Not that it hasn't for Sans, he could feel the effects himself. The light buzz of need, combined with the growing need between his legs, burning with the intense desire for a good fuck.

A moan, sharp and curt, cut through their session. The first of theirs, it's origin being Sans, who now was a bright blue looking at his boyfriend. It was due to the sudden stimulation of a grind from the taller, who's erection was now pressing right against the glowing blue mound of Sans' own pants.

"Oh, I-"

Sans chuckled lightly at seeing Eyeless Jack so embarrassed, pressing up against him and giving another moan. His soul fluttered at seeing Jack blushing like this, seeing that he wanted to do this as much as Sans wanted to. It was so adorable.

"I love you so much," Sans whispered, leaning up to kiss Jack. A hand, sneaking out down to his waist, gave a firm squeeze on his crouch before their tongues were upon each other again.

His awkwardness soon bled away for the utter need transpiring between them, leading to Jack to initiate a grind. Then another. Down, up, down, up. Both of their breaths grew short as they panted, foreheads pressing lightly together, dry humping each other in a desire like no other. Sans' hands, firm and wanting, trailed down his grey chest, exploring across the rough and transformed skin. Only at the bottom, where the belt lay, did he slow down, unclipping it and roughly pulling it out. Jack himself wasn't far behind, his own claws lightly prodding at the top of his basketball shorts. He pressed down, harder, faster, practically humping Sans much like he would his own hand late nights.

"Wait, wait-"

Sans managed to stop his light moans to gently push Jack away, sucking in some air that he had missed before. Not that he needed it, but it stabilized himself in that moment. Jack looked caught off guard, likely believing he had done something wrong. Sans spread his legs further, shuddering at the lewd, wet sound that came with the movements. Fuck, he was drenched.

"I'm sorry," Jack said, "Are you hurt?"  
  
"No, no, it's just-" Sans motioned to his stained shorts. "I mighta- fucking hell, you almost made me squirt."

"Oh." It took his boyfriend a moment to process it. " _Oh_."

Dear lord he was so innocent and precious. Sans might have to do some manual labor by riding him or something, but hey, he'd do anything to make Jack feel good. Especially to see that blush again, the same blush Sans was wearing himself.

"We should move this along, here..." Sans gingerly, and finally, pulled off his own pants. Each inch that they transcended down, Jack's void eyes followed, caught in the image in front of him.

"Oh..." He said, seemingly having lost all words but the simple emphasis of that single phrase.

"If this is going too fast, we can slow down," Sans said.

He wanted this, he really did, but if this was too much for his beloved, he would stop immediately. The whole point of sex was for both people to enjoy it, and if Jack wasn't ready, then there wouldn't be any point.

"No, I-"

Before Jack even knew what he was doing, unable to hear over the thumping of his entranced heart, he lunged forward, trapping Sans by planting his arms next to his skull. Without words, he cast aside his own pants, letting his dripping erection hang needing in the air.

"I- I want you, all of you," Eyeless Jack spoke softly, lining himself up with Sans.

This quickly shot from 'oh look how adorable and nervous my boyfriend is' to 'holy shit he's about to dom me and looks horny as fuck'. Sans was excited, and now thoroughly blushing, wrapping his legs around the tallers waist. His soul hummed, the intent for pregnancy making his body become hotter, connecting itself upon Jack's soul.

"Fuck- Fuck- Inside, put it inside," Sans breathed, lightly swearing to himself.

Sans was about to rock back to encourage him, but then the world went quiet. His head filled with static, tipping back as he was filled, unable to comprehend anything but pleasure pleasure pleasure-

A droplet broke him out of of his trance, Sans blinking back into reality. Eyeless Jack hung above Sans, face zoned in on Sans like there was nothing in existence but him. What really drew his attention, aside from the hot boyfriend of his that Sans wanted to make feel good, was the hot cock throbbing inside of him. Pushed in deep, twitching when Sans gasped lightly, feeling it slide deeper right into the depths of his walls.

"Oh fuck..." Sans moaned, "You got right into there..." He tested the waters by lightly grinding onto the shaft, admiring the way Jack sucked in a breath through his teeth. "You can move now- OH FU-"

Sans was suddenly thrown against the bed in a hard thrust, jolting against the sheets as his cunt was filled with nothing but intense pleasure. The moment he had given Jack permission, it seemed that any restraint or hesitance he had before was thrown out of the window. Deep, hard, and needy thrusts rocked into him, one after another, uncontained and all the pleasureful.

"Wait- Jack- Fuck-"

Words sputtered out of the blushing skeletons mouth, so caught off guard by the sudden change that Jack went through. Moments ago he was a stuttering and red-faced mess, now he was fucking Sans like there was no tomorrow. He could feel every thrust, hitting deep in his core, digging his cock deeper and deeper. Sans constantly clenched, tilting his pelvis upwards. How was he-

More droplets of Jack's black goo started to drip, splattering against the delicate bone. Sans moaned freely now, trying to press his teeth and regain some control over the situation. With the intense pounding into his pussy, yeah, it wasn't working out very well. Jack was a virgin, Sans should be the one leading! Instead, he was being bottomed, mouth gulped into a heated tongue twister as Jack pressed up further, bending his body at an angle to hit deeper into Sans. It was so sudden, so hot, Sans couldn't do anything but let himself be devoured by the cannibal fucking him into a coma. The hot pounding continued, tearing him open and fucking him raw. It wasn't long before the bed was thudding against the wall, letting anyone in the house know that Eyeless Jack was taking Sans, and taking him roughly.

But Sans loved it. Hell, he didn't anticipate it in the slightest, but it was so _good_. Each drag of the cock, each time the head dug into in walls, brushing against every sensitive nerve screaming with pleasure, Sans choked out another moan, taking everything that was given to him.

"I love you," Jack huskily whispered, nibbling on Sans' collar, voice low and guttural, "So much."

"I lo-ah~" Sans felt fingers blush up against his clit, reducing him to nothing more than a moaning and whimpering machine as his insides were set on fire. The sensation of overwhelming ecstasy and emotions was too much, he couldn't concentrate on anything but the cannibal he loved so much. Sans whimpered out soft praises, planting kisses along his neck.   
  


"I wanna make you feel so good, I love you," Jack chanted lighty, smearing his now freely running black goo against Sans' bare bones as he fucked him hard and rough, digging his claws into his pelvis bone. "I-I need to- Please- Inside."

"That's kinda- the- ngh~ yes, yes, inside!" Sans said, hugging his body closer. "Please please please~ inside!"

Eyeless Jack pistoned into him at the begging, lowly humming and chewing gently along his neck with his sharp teeth. He soon gave a guttural moan, pressing deeply into the cunt and spasming out the most intense orgasm in his life deeply into the clenching pussy that practically sucked him in. Sans threw his head back, mouth tilted open in a silent scream as he was given a thick load of cum, staining his insides. They both stayed like that for a moment, neither able to move in their moments of pleasure. Sans gently gripped the bottom of his chin, trailing him back down to share a passionate kiss, their bodies rocking together in the cannibals orgasm.

Finally, when he was done, Sans' legs fell from his hips, allowing him to pull back. White cum gently seeped out of the opening, a heavy scent of sex lingering in the air.

"I didn't make you cum..." Jack whispered quietly, playing with Sans' folds.

"It's fine," Sans said, sitting up onto his elbows with a sigh. "You don't gotta... oh... ohhhhh~"

Before he could try to set aside his lovers worries about his lack of an orgasm, Jack was thrusting two fingers knuckle deep, thumb pressing against his clitoris at just the right angle to make Sans shudder. He fell against the bed in an instant, feet kicking out as his most sensitive and used part of his body was being stimulated. The fingers dug in deep, eager, scratching up against his needing walls, pressing right against the spot that had Sans seeing stars. It didn't take long at all. One, two rubs against his g-spot and Sans was arching off the bed, hips frantically humping the air. Jack followed with his hand, working Sans easily through his orgasm before his pelvis fell back against the bed, his own blue cum seeping in turn with Jack's.

"You look so good," Jack said quietly, lovingly running his cheek against Sans' as he pulled up the nearby blanket to cuddle him with. "Did it work?"

"Yeah, I'm probably pregnant, we'll have to wait until tomorrow," Sans said, leaning his skull onto Jack's grey shoulder. "Not gonna clean up?"

"No, I... just want to look at you like this, for a bit longer," Jack whispered, eyeing the dripping, still summoned cunt between Sans' leg.

"Ah."

Sans couldn't blame him. His lover was also quite a sight for his eyes. His cock was hanging between his legs, used, stained with their shared cum. If it was still hard, Sans probably would have traveled down and given him a good blow, let Jack plow into his throat until Sans was filled to the brim in both of his holes. Instead, he simply lay against his chest, admiring the way they both soft breathed.

"G'night, lover boy," Sans hummed quietly.

He loved him so much.


End file.
